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“I think it would be wonderful to watch a group of neighborhood girls stage a large water pistol engagement, rather than sit by the pool and chat. I believe these interactions help boys learn to relate to each other in a way that enables their success later on. I certainly wish I had learned to spar in sword fights – this could have been very useful in my first few years working in the corporate world.”

It IS sad that little boys are discouraged from playing in ways that so obviously come naturally to them.

It is also sad that we STILL are being told that the best way for women to be successful in the corporate world is to be more like men. This argument is so old it seems ridiculous that we are still talking about it. Could it possibly be that the skills that girls develop through the play styles that they are naturally drawn to don’t make them successful in the business world because men set the rules?

Isn’t the point of this website that women bring something unique and inestimably valuable to society in our roles as both mothers and workers? Why in heaven’s name don’t we embrace that? Business as usual has brought our world to a dangerous and unhealthy place. Perhaps what is needed to change the suicide trajectory that we are on is for women to act as they are naturally inclined and stop wishing they were one of the boys.

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whilst i am not against swords/guns/fighting play, i think it’s a bit simplistic to state the reason why boys get ahead is because they do this, whilst girls sit about and chat.

it ignores the multi faceted systems that ensure that boys expect to become CEOs and also that shape our own expectations that boys become CEOs. i suspect male success in the professional world has a lot to do with lack of affordable childcare, societal pressure on women to stay at home, difficulties for women to reenter the work market and expectations that they shoulder the majority of childcare even when at work. i suspect what choice of plastic toy at age 6 is not as important. sure they are developing team skills but that skill would be developed if you gave them a ball or a bunch of bricks and got them to build a city together. equally girls are developing co-operatve skills in their own play, whether it’s with dolls or words. it all comes down to learning to value both forms of play and interaction equally whilst ensuring that the negative aspects of them are minimised

fantasy games are fine as long as they remain that. violence, abuse and discrimination in the real world is never acceptable whether it is physical or psychological. it is up to us as parents to police that understanding and to foster a sense of responsibility and community.

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These are difficult issues to wrestle with. My son was just born a month ago and I will have to face these ideas soon myself. My choice would be for no weapons and thoughts of good and evil until later in life when my son’s reasoning ability is better formed. Unfortunately we live in a world that is filled with imagery of violence and the tools of war. Some fantasy and more sadly much of it is real. The fantasy parts are probably the hardest to think about since we’ve had about a century of glorified imagery of pirates and cowboys and indians which are pretty wacked out and removed from the actual gore and violence that was so much a part of this experiences and so not like what we see on the screen and pages of books. The actual history of these fantasies we all indulged in when we were kids is much more complex and hard to explain but we have to find a way and we have to do it early.
We can’t completely blot out the reality of today but we can be good parents and use the questions we get as teaching moments and make sure our children get a realistic picture of what weapons and all this imagery really mean. I’m sure I will fail now and then but I won’t give up.

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i think the most important thing about what our children do or do not play with, is how we use their play to talk about the world in which they live.

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Although I have daughters, I am not sure what put them in the leadership positions they hold at work and in college.

Their playmates when they were young were the neighbor boys. They learned to give and take.

My two youngest daughters played football with the boys during recess in elementary school. When they entered 7th grade, each one chose to “go out” for the boys football team and made it. One was the nose guard tackle of her team; the other was a halfback. They were not big girls. At the time the younger of the two weighed in at 99 lbs sopping wet.

Today both ladies in their mid-to-late 20′s hold college degrees and are in top department positions of the companies for whom they work.

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I applaud Sharron Meers’s stand. It seems children today are not allowed to use their imaginations. In my generation (1950′s)it was cowboys and Indians. In the winter months the neighborhood boys and I would erect forts and throw snowballs as “weapons.”

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I believe allowing a child to use their imagination opens up worlds for them. There will come a time when toy swords and guns will be put away for more serious activities such as piano practice, football or academics. Listen to the song “Puff the Magic Dragon.”

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee

Little Jackie Paper loved that rascal Puff,
and brought him strings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff. Oh

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee

Together they would travel on a boat with billowed sail
Jackie kept a lookout perched on Puff’s gigantic tail,
Noble kings and princes would bow whene’er they came,
Pirate ships would lower their flags when Puff roared out his name. Oh

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee

A dragon lives forever but not so little boys
Painted wings and giant rings make way for other toys.
One grey night it happened, Jackie Paper came no more
And Puff that mighty dragon, he ceased his fearless roar.

His head was bent in sorrow, green scales fell like rain,
Puff no longer went to play along the cherry lane.
Without his life-long friend, Puff could not be brave,
So Puff that mighty dragon sadly slipped into his cave. Oh

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee

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I’m a mother of 2 young boys ages 4 and 6. I originally took the position of absolutely no weapons. I tried to hold firm when my oldest started Kindergarten last September. Then I witnessed some really interesting things. My son, thanks to his classmates, knows every character in Star Wars Clone Wars even though he has never seen the tv show or movies. He always chooses to be the good guy and tried to convince his younger brother to be the bad guy. When he caught on, they fought, wrestled, and finally negotiated to both be on the good side and make inanimate objects the bad guys. Still keeping a watchful eye, but giving in just a bit, has really helped me. I’m now allowing Star Wars level 1 easy readers to help keep him interested in reading. It has sparked an interest in astronomy. And it has presented opportunities to have discussions about such things as real v. pretend, death, good v. evil, honor and courage, etc…

I have also researched this. One of my favorite sources for parenting advice comes from John Rosemond “…if there were no such thing as war, there would be no war toys, but I doubt the reverse is true…Children play at all manner of adult vocations and recreations…The same is true of war toys and war games. They are tools, not of menace, but of understanding. By themselves, they are harmless. A child who plays at games like war and cops and robbers may even come to better grips with the reality of violence than a child who does not. A child who grows up in a climate of violence, however, is an altogether different situation. For the most part, I don’t like war toys for the same reason I don’t like the majority of toys in today’s marketplace: They’re too literal and therefore require little imagination. A toy gun made out of LEGO pieces or a stick is far superior to a plastic gun bought in a store…”

Finally, If you’re a mom, teacher, caretaker or future in-law of a boy, please, please, please read ‘Why Boys Fail’ by Richard Whitmire.

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good for you! boys need to role play….our boys have every weapon in the book & are not a menace to society! that’s how they learn to be the men that we desire them to be not wimps that schools are wanting them to be!

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Swords and Guns are good for no one.

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