The Black Mother’s Burden
Posted March 22nd, 2012 by Avis Jones-DeWeeverI do not know Sybrina Fulton. Nor can I claim to understand the depth of her pain. Yet, we share a deep connection. A commonality experienced by those women who face the challenge of raising a Black male child in a nation that far too often views Black male bodies through a prism of fear. You see, Ms. Fulton is living my nightmare. A constant worry that has lingered in the back of my mind since the birth of my eldest son, some sixteen years ago.
Through the years, I have witnessed the world’s reaction to my son evolve as he has grown from a small boy to a young man. In his early years, his easy smile and engaging personality were nothing less than magnetic. Complete strangers would approach him in the street, engage him in conversation, and find themselves easily smitten with his vivacious spirit and endearing charm. Even at that time I worried, how would my son react when in the years to come some of those who found themselves so impressed by this cute, intelligent boy, might grasp their purse a little tighter as he walked by. How might he internalize the daily weight of being viewed by complete strangers as an individual worthy of immediate suspicion?
Over the years I have sought to shield his spirit from the hurt that comes from undeserved hatred. And while trying to protect him from emotional pain, I have also sought to arm him with the knowledge that could one day save his life. He knows, for example, that if he is ever pulled over by the police, that he is to keep both hands on the wheel at all times and only reach for his license and registration when the officer is specifically observing his actions. He knows, even in less menacing situations, that rough play and loud interactions with his buddies of any color will be viewed very differently when he does it, than when his white friends engage in the very same behavior. He knows that on a daily basis, he must exhibit a level of maturity and self control well beyond his years in order to in some way subdue the negative perceptions that could at any time come his way. Still, the truth of the matter is, no amount of advice or muted behavior trumps the physical, immovable fact of the color of his skin and his athletic six-foot frame. His intelligence, easy smile, and endearing personality won’t protect him from unfounded assumptions of criminality or the weight of having to justify his presence at any time, in any setting, by anyone who may for any reason feel uncomfortable with him nearby.
What makes the Trayvon Martin travesty of justice so piercing to me, personally, is the knowledge that Trayvon’s mother loved her baby no less than I love mine. The various pictures of moments throughout a happy childhood that have now found a home on nationwide newscasts provides clear evidence of that. Yet no amount of love and care, and no words of advice could have saved her son from the brutal execution he faced at the hands of a murderous self-appointed neighborhood watch-dog. And perhaps even worse, nothing could have prepared her for the callous and dehumanizing way her son has been treated by law enforcement officials even in death. To think for three long days, his parents searched for him while officials failed to notify them of his fate and instead, performed drug and alcohol tests on his lifeless body, while failing to do the same for his attacker—the only one of the two who indeed had a criminal past is frankly, unforgivable. To know that the words of her son’s murderer were given more weight than eye-witnesses and taped evidence of her child’s screams and eventual demise must be heartbreaking. But to also have to live with the fact that his attacker still breathes free while her son lays buried in his grave is certainly more than any grieving parent should have to endure.
It is this type of pain that is not unfamiliar to the Black experience in America, for this is the Black mothers’ burden. A burden we have endured for centuries. We know the pain of having our newborn babies ripped away from our loving arms to be sold into lifelong servitude and to never again experience the warmth of a mother’s loving embrace. We know the pain of Jim Crow justice, the days when murderous actions were routinely met with law enforcement neglect if not complete complicity and overt involvement. Yet, there is still the rightful expectation, that in modern-day America, the wheels of justice would not be so blatantly and callously thwarted. Certainly, when the co-sponsor of Florida’s now infamous “Stand Your Ground” law publicly stated that his legislation does not justify the actions of George Zimmerman who on that fateful day nearly one month ago, appointed himself judge, jury, and executioner of an unarmed child, no justification remains for one more moment of freedom for the perpetrator of this murderous act.
So today, it is my hope that Trayvon’s mother, father, family and friends can take some solace in the fact that millions of Americans of every color stand with them in their fight for justice. This is a burden no family should have to endure alone.
We will not give up.
We will not forget.
We will continue the fight until justice is done.
13 Comments
May 18, 2012 at 8:14 am by Karen KnowlesI am almost 70 years old, white and a feminist. Everyday I fight the fight to spread awareness of the unfairness, atrocities and lack of rights for blacks, women, disabled and all minorities who live in the United States and around the world. I find most white people I come in contact with are unknowledgeable and indifferent to the struggles of others. I get very discouraged by the apathy towards the suffering of others I encounter.
I just read the book The New Jim Crow and I think it should be mandatory reading for all white people. I raised a white son and cannot imagine the constant fear a black mother of a son must endure on a daily basis. It is so wrong and I’m so sorry.
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Anita Reply:
May 18th, 2012 at 2:46 pm
Thank you for your compassion and your courage in speaking up.
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We pray for your comfort while you and your family wait for justice to be done.
Dr. Cathine G. Scott
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March 26, 2012 at 8:08 pm by Doris TurnerTo all mankind, we must pray for this family for strengh to continue to stand and fight for justice. Then know that God will have the finally say.
God is still in charge.
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March 26, 2012 at 3:00 pm by TeresaThank you so much for this heart felt, beautiful piece.
I’m the white grandmother of two not-white grandsons. The oldest was born on the day after President Obama was elected. It felt so encouraging and symbolic. However, I had to remind myself that just a couple of weeks prior, I watched, in alarm, the tenor of those attending Sara Palin rallies. I even said, more than once, that I would be terrified to take my bi-racial family anywhere near one of those mobs. We were, and are, everything they fear.
As a white, middle class woman, I’m aware every day of the privilege this affords me. I’m also painfully aware that my two grandsons will never be allowed the same margin for error that my own children enjoyed. And it hurts my heart. When President Obama said that if he had a son, he’d look like Trayvon, I thought, well, I have grandsons that look like Trayvon, too. A pox on those who rail against us for stating the obvious.
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March 26, 2012 at 11:14 am by brendai think the black family need help , going to school is not eoughe for now , aiming at other family;s need that came into this country do what they do how they raise their boys ask them , how come their boys make it here in america ,learn from them all the other race that is here now stop your slave ways for now , sheba.
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March 25, 2012 at 9:59 am by virgieIn Illinois, we have our case. On Feb. 1st, 2012 Stephon Watts, black autistic teenager, killed by two white police officers in his own home in front of his father in Calumet City….. The cops are off with paid leave.. no arrest made and still no results from state police… our march only attracted 200 or so people..how can you help us attract 35,000 marchers…. how can we get you and other leaders to stand up for Stephon Watts and his family … All our black youth wrongfully murdered deserve this attention… how can we keep up the pressure on the establishment…? let’s talk about and get some action… I am praying for the Martin and Watts family and others … Let’s continue these actions against those who wrongfully gun down our kids. Please share this story.
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March 25, 2012 at 8:15 am by Georgia DanielThank you for expressing so eloquently what is in my heart as a mother of two adult sons. Every day I pray for their safe keeping. My heart cries for Trayvon’s family. We will not rest until justice is served.
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March 25, 2012 at 2:46 am by Cynthia CorneliusA MOTHER AND HER CHILD
A Mother and her Child is a co-existence that no one could understand unless you are a mother.
It is a co-existence that begins at the time of conception and continues until your last breath is taken.
You hold that Child in your womb, nurturing, loving, and caring for it’s life until the day that life makes it’s introduction into the world.
From that Earth Day forward, a Mother does her best to continue to nurture, love and care for that Child with all that she has. She prays through the trials and tribulations
and awaits the milestones, cherishing all accomplishments and accolades, giving Thanks to the Creator for them.
No Mother is ever prepared to have their Child transition before they do, especially the way that Trayvon Martin’s was forced to.
I ask the Creator Divine and the African Ancestors to guide, strengthen, carry, and hold close the Parents, Family, Friends, and Supporters of Trayvon, as we fight to see Justice in their son’s tragic death.
In the meantime, let us ALL hold our children near and dear to our hearts and Stand Up for Trayvon Martin!
Cynthia Chinue X Cornelius
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Martha Willis Reply:
March 25th, 2012 at 12:44 pm
Let us not stop here, there are countless black men being incarcerated for crimes that they did not committ, Jim Crow continues to raise it’s ugly head because they are so fearful of our black men. Why? because whites who started the propaganda that blacks are dangerous, lazy and untrustworthy were describing themselves. What was slavery about? It was about white men being to lazy to do the work themselves, so, they went into Africa and stole human beings to do the labor in a country that they stole, robbed and killed it’s native people. (American Indian)
The white man is the most evil destructive animal that was created. Darwin’s theory is accurate, he was talking about them not us. Their animalistic behavior still exist today as it did before they evolved from the ape.
Black people have contributed more to this country and the world than any other race of people, look at all of the patent inventions and the ones stolen from us that only gets discussed once a year in February. (Black history month) In actually every day is black history. The few decent white people in this country is being overshadowed by the KKK in business suits, police uniforms, employers, and banks who are still discriminating against blacks as to keep them from using their excellent minds that our father in heaven gave to us. We are the chosen people that he spoke about in the bible, we are also the original slave holders that the bible spoke about. Whites know our history better than most of us, so, they claimed it for themselves and caused this world’s original people to become ostracized by the world. Wake up black people!
Now is the time to take back what was stolen from us, e.g. educate, educate, educate!!!!
A MIND IS A TERRIBLE THING TO WASTE!!!!!
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As a mother of four black males, (16, 12, 10, & 9) I felt compelled to sit my gentlemen down, share the topic, share the news releases, and sadly but true, share the heart wrenching released 911 tapes. This is truly not a fate that I would want for my sons, or any ones children for that matter!
My heart goes out to Ms. Fulton and Mr. Martin, my prayers are with them.
My youngest son said “Mommy, are they going to get the bad man?” Even a child recognizes injustice! I want for my sons to be able to NOT be afraid to live their daily lives and to be able to go to the store WITHOUT feeling they must look over their shoulders when they are walking down the street. Am I asking too much?
Dr. Jones-Deweever I thank you!
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Anita Reply:
March 23rd, 2012 at 8:36 pm
@Kim, thank you so much for sharing your perspective and experience. Our hearts go out to Trayvon and his parents as well.
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Anonymous Reply:
March 24th, 2012 at 7:35 am
@Kim And thank you for having that talk with your young men. Like you, I too have a young son in addition to my teenager. My eight year old continues to peppers me with perfectly logical questions around this injustice which frankly defies logical explanation. He simply can’t understand why Trayvon’s attacker has not been arrested. I simply tell him, we must continue the fight. Sometimes justice does not come without demand.
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