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1 Comment
November 5, 2009 at 3:10 pm by skythank you so very much for the thoughtful article.
i have been struggling with the concept of paid vs. unpaid work and the term working mother vs. stay-at-home mother. i am college-educated, raised by a well educated mother who always worked and who was supported by her husband in her pursuits. during my adolescent years and until i did become a mother myself i scoffed at the idea of slipping into a perceived traditional role and yet i find myself here.
i am currently not working at a pay-check job and yet i am working harder than ever before in my life taking care of my two children. it takes all my strength and effort to create a home, staying involved in and creating community while my husband works to financially support the family. i haven’t really “opted out” of working. i would much prefer to have more balance between pursuing my own career and weaving a family and community fabric for us all.
there is a range of effort that can go into parenting. there is a range of outside support a family can be fortunate to have or lack entirely. we don’t have family, we are a tv free household and all these differences matter in the amount of work that parenting takes.
when working parents can’t volunteer in school, i take over for them, this helps the teachers, the families and ultimately all of society. instead of receiving respect or support, mothers who don’t have a paycheck job often are viewed as indulgent, as simply privileged, as lazy, as traditional etc. ironically if i were to take care of someone else’s child and receive a paycheck for it, my status would improve in the eyes of society (if only a little since childcare is not truly respected either). our family is paying a prize for this, too. we don’t own a house, we live relatively modestly and we know financially we will have to make up for these years for the rest of our lives.
a healthy society might consider supporting mothers who don’t have paycheck jobs for a few years by providing access to healthcare, retirement provisions etc. if my husband’s work supported him in his role as father and allowed him more flexibility, i could find the room i need to work at a paycheck job as well.
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