11 Comments

Cool site, love the info.

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Accidentally typed my comment as an anonymous reply to Risa, below.

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Sorry, I didn’t leave my contact information above. I have a 5 year old son, am a practicing patent attorney, and spent 3 full years finding a “family friendly” job after my child was born.

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We can have it all…just not at the SAME time! Enjoy your stage of life, whether it is college freedom, new marriage, young family, or hard hitting business women.

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I agree with Amalia. Everyone would like to have it all, but the majority of us are not built for that….we have limitations. You can’t expect companies to accomodate our lifestyle choices when there are other single women who will work 10-12 hour days to do just as good or even better than those of us who choose to balance work with family. To expect more is infantile. My retirement is invested to a large percentage in my company stock. Although I choose to balance my life by placing higher importance to my family, I appreciate the value that hard-working CEOs dedicate to my company and the value they bring to my stock portfolio. I am growing more and more weary hearing women like Kristin placing advancement in career on the same level as involvement in our families. It is not the same and we need to stop treating our children and families as if they were no no more important to us than our clients and professional colleagues. No wonder our daughters are becoming sexually active in elementary school, and our sons are growing up with less appreciation for women. Wake up and choose your priorities ladies! Whatever they may be, invest your energies into those priorities, and stop listening to people like Kristin who contribute nothing more to society than to drive us to nervous breakdowns because we find ourselves failing at being an effective business women and at being an attentive parent; just because she says we can be both. Does she have more than 24 hours in her day or what. Reality check please!

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I believe that you can have “it all” but it depends on what you want. Amalia wants to be home with her kids. That is great! To her that may be having it all. And just because some of us enjoy working as defined by Risa in category 2 we should not be judged by those who choose to stay home. I like my job, but I also need my job to maintain the lifestyle my family and I currently enjoy. Even if I were financially independent I would still choose to find some out of the home activities because that is who I am. We all make our choices as Diane said, and we have to live with them. But just because we choose to sit instead of stand (for example) doesn’t mean the chair needs to be hard wood with no cushion.

I also agree with Risa that the American society has a slightly warped view of a work ethic. I DO NOT believe in traveling half the month away from my family, or staying at work until 7 or 8, or missing key family events. My job allows me to leave at a reasonable time to be home in time for dinner and put my baby girl to bed. I am taking my husband and daughter with me on my next business trip. These are the allowances women can and should have. We should not be required to work extra hours just to move up the ladder. I believe that is what this post is trying to say. It’s not about giving women all these extra perks, or making special compensations. It’s about making sense. It’s about not having to sacrifice ones family in order to get ahead. I’ve done it. It is possible.

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Sorry, But I totally disagree with your beliefs. I am sorry, but I am a stay home momm who believes that We can not have it all. That is a lie that the media, organizations like yours and this society are trying to sell to the women.

I know many women who really need to get out there and work to help sustain their families, And yes they need better conditions.

I used to work and take care of the family and is very difficult. I agree that women need to get education, college degrees but we can not forget that Family is first. Because Family is the foundation of the society. Who is taking care of the children, when mom and dad are working??? Third persons..day cares…nannys??? How sad is that we want to have children , but we don’t want to raise them. So we give our children to others to raise them while we are working. Trying to have a Work-life balance, that just bring caos to our society.

Hope God gives you the wisdom to make right decision and think better about your likes or dislikes. As you say, Good work/life fit is good for both businesses and the people that work for them…What about the families that are not well taking care of.????

Best Regards,

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I am writting to disagree with your comment that work-home-family balance can be attained and that we need to pressure businesses into making it possible. As a business owner my primary objective is the health of the business. Happy employees of course are a very important piece of that. However, I can only hire people that meet the requirements of the job. It’s not our responsiblity to make sure the job meets the requirements of the individual.

If you need balance in your home work environment than seek jobs that offer that. Don’t apply for a job and then ask the employer to change for you. It is impossible for any mother or father to give 100% to their job and their family. Balance is also subjective. I agree with the previous comment. No matter how many books you read it will not happen. You have chosen your priorities and your career. You have to find the best way to make it work for you.

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I just signed your letter to the Fortune 500 CEOs about equity for women in the workplace as far as opportunity and advancement are concerned because I believe that women actually make superior leaders and I’m sick and tired of the antiquated attitudes about such things in our society. However, I don’t agree with you when you get all huffy about Jack Welch’s comment that there’s “no such thing as work-life balance”, because I think he’s mostly correct—mostly. There SHOULD be work-life balance, but the work ethic that we’ve developed in our society doesn’t really allow for that, if one is willing to look at it honestly. Years ago I listened to an interview with a psychologist on television—I don’t remember who he was or much of anything else he said, but this one idea stuck with me all these years because it was the first time I’d heard anyone express it and because it rang so true—it was one of those “a-hah!” moments. He said that for true balance in one’s life, one must have 8 hours of sleep, 8 hours of “work” and 8 hours to do exactly and only what one truly wanted to do, i.e., 8 hours of what one considers “play”—things you love to do and want to do for the sheer pleasure of them. But the catch was that the 8 hours of “work” must include ALL work one has to do within a 24-hour period—NOT just one’s work at the office. It had to include the cooking, the cleaning, the errands—whatever activities one considered to be “work”. But of course what things fall into the “work” and “play” categories are different for every person. But if an activity was something you felt had to be done and wasn’t something that fell into your other 2 categories of sleep or “play”, then it had to be a part of your “work” category. He also commented about how many primitive societies tended to be structured like this and consequently were more relaxed, happy and healthy in many ways. So truly, the only people with any hope of having a balanced life in our society as it currently exists are those who fall into one of the following 4 categories (although this is certainly no guarantee):
1. those whose job is something that they
love doing so much that it could also fall
into their “play” category (I don’t
actually know anyone like this)
2. those who don’t consider their job to
be “play” also, but only have to “work” at
that job for about 4 hours a day, thus
giving them time to do all of the other
inevitable “work” items that must be done
within any 24-hour period (I don’t know
anyone like this either)
3. those who don’t consider their job to be
“play” also and have to work at that job 8
hours a day, but have someone else, either
a partner or hired help, to do all the
other “work” activities that must be done
within the course of the day (this
category could include, but not
necessarily, people in marriages or
partnerships where only one of the partners
works outside the home or anyone with
enough money to hire maids, cooks,
gardeners, etc.) OR
4. one who, for whatever reason, doesn’t have
to have a paying job and can structure his
“work” and “play” 8 periods however he
wants them (this would include the
financially independent—I definitely
don’t know many in this category).
So, if you don’t fall into one of the above 4 categories, and I can’t think of many people I know who do, you will NOT have a balanced life no matter how many books you read or how many petitions you sign or how hard and fast you juggle. When are people going to open their eyes and see that?!! We need to slow down and develop some better priorities.

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Anonymous Reply:
July 25th, 2009 at 1:01 am

I don’t want to live in a society where all “business” is done by men. It is important that women be involved, add their perspective…in ALL professions. I understand that it is very difficult for a business owner to “accommodate” by allowing flexibility and “family-friendly policies”. The playing field MUST be level or those who adopt such policies may be at a disadvantage. However, I also see that there are plenty of people who are overworked. Do workers not deserve to spend time with their families and be rested, just because that’s good for the bottom line? At some point, we MUST restrain business/capitalism. I want to work (I’ve invested over 10 years in my education; do you expect me to just give this away; I wouldn’t ask you to give your house-also an investment- to someone on the street for free..); I have talents I can contribute to society. I also want to be a parent…a GOOD and loving parent who has time for her family. If my employer REQUIRES (subtly or otherwise) that I put in 10 hour days, what am I supposed to do? Just let it be because it is good for business/the bottom line? We can’t expect business to restrain itself; it won’t. Women aren’t the only ones harmed; so are Dad’s who would rather have more time with their kids. Also, as a woman why should I limit myself to career choices (nursing? certain types of law?) because I can get flexible hours??? I KNOW I can contribute tremendously if I worked 9am-3pm; I am very motivated and have a lot to offer; then, I could also be with my son, go to his afternoon activities. I want to do this. What is stopping us from allowing parents a 9-3 “in office” schedule, perhaps followed by a couple of hours of work-at-home while the kids sleep, or just the 9-3 schedule? What is stopping us is old thinking. Either employers will change their ways or Government can impose it, and thereby “level the playing field” for businesses. We should change for the benefit of our kids AND parents. If business can’t do it voluntarily, I think Government MUST have a role in restraining business and imposing family-friendly policies on business. This would then level the playing field for businesses; so that businesses aren’t “punished” for adopting such policies while their competitors do not.

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