"Opting Out" discussion reaches the tipping point

The longer we parent our kids, the more it seems that there is no ideal way to manage two careers and two kids.

One of us must always be ready to drop work and take care of the kids. It doesn't matter which one, but someone will be at work with divided priorities. Whoever that person is, male or female, will not be as good a worker as the one who can fully concentrate on work. Generally, that person is a woman, but not always.

To make the argument that the employer should consider both employees equally is not fair to the employer.

Opting out may not be available to everyone, but to us it is a logical progression for kids who are more important than another paycheck. When your first earned dollar is taxes at a high rate because of what your spouse earns, it makes even less sense to beat your head against the corporate wall at the expense of time with your kids.

This discussion illustrates vividly why we need fair and reasonable paid, and preferably subsidized, maternity leaves. If parents could and were expected to take a year's leave following the birth of each child (like they do in Europe), no-one would have to choose between work and family. Each family would have the time and space to incorporate their newest member healthily and fully, and the discussion about returning to work after that year would be much more informed and leisurely. That year could be broken up by both parents (for example, both take six months, or Mum nine months and Dad three), but the mother would be expected to take at least six months.

Every major medical organisation in the world recommends breastfeeding exclusively for the first six months, and continuing until at least the first year (most now recommend at least two years). We need to make a community-wide commitment to breastfeeding, and the benefits it provides. I don't know the exact numbers, but as a country, we'd save billions in healthcare dollars if all children were breastfed to the above recommendations. We'd also benefit from happier, better adjusted adults later in life.

It is unrealistic to ask a Mum to exclusively breastfeed for six months and then push her back to work at six weeks. Babies don't just need breastmilk, they need to breastfeed with Mum. (There's an interesting new study suggesting that any artificial nipple use at all can cause the hard palate to malform, leading to later issues like sleep-apnea) Six months goes by so quickly, and you never get a second chance to begin your child's life right.

I fall into the category of highly educated woman who has 'opted-out'. I'm better educated than my husband, and we've had to make real sacrifices to have me breastfeed and raise our children. We've moved an hour away from town (and our families), so we could afford a house on one income, I regularly shop at discount grocery stores and local farmstands to save money and buy good food, we spaced our boys close together (17 months...I nursed through the second pregnancy and now tandem-nurse them) so I could get back to work sooner, and we live without a good many luxuries whuch the average American family feels are essential (no TV, a 63-degree house in the winter, we try to operate only one car, and we limit the splurge on birthdays and holidays). Fortunately, we've found that these things all have become a part of our new worldview. We love not knowing who's who on American Idol, love our local, mostly organic diet, love decreasing our carbon footprint (but not the chilly mornings!), and above all, we love that we'll look back and say that we really did do absolutely everything we could to make our children as happy and healthy as could be.

But...boy would it have been nice to have some maternity leave help....

Thanks for reading my point of view.