Tell Us Your Story About Maternity, Paternity, or Family Leave

24 Comments

July 17, 2010 at 4:32 pm by professional seo

If woman in United States, stop to have baby, who will pay for the retirements… we need the next generation, and everybody should support the womans for that.

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May 4, 2010 at 5:37 pm by Van

Hey Everyone,
I’m a Dad. I’m from South Carolina in the States, but I live and work in Sweden. I studied in Sweden for a year as an exchange student and fell in love with my wife-to-be. I soon finished up my studies and moved back to Sweden to be with her after a grueling 1-year LONG-distance relationship. A year or so after that, our little 10-month old daughter, Nova, was conceived.

I am currently on a stretch of 6-month paid paternity leave with my wonderful daughter. It is miraculous I ended up in Sweden to reap the benefits of such a wonderful welfare system. Sweden provides 480 days, paid up to 90% of normal salary, to be divided between both parents — preferably 50-50. The mother and father each have 60 days which they cannot share — they go to waste if the father or mother doesn’t use them.

While I have the luxury of living in this country and being at home with my daughter without risk of losing my job, it irks me that back in my homeland mothers and fathers are hardly allowed 6 weeks with their newborns before leaving them in the hands of near-strangers (or grandparents). It’s a tragedy, not only psychologically, but biologically! Mothers are designed to be in close proximity to their children a much longer period of time and the most “developed” country in the world should certainly set a better example for parents around the world!

This needs to change!

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April 14, 2010 at 9:07 pm by daisy

I am American, but raised in Europe. This is by far the most discriminating treatment of women that I have ever, ever heard of. I too had my child here in the US. Nearly 2 years later I am still recouping from the cost. Medical bills for an emergancy c-section, a month bed rest UNPAID due to stress at work due to my pregnancy- denied my benefits for “paid” STD as pregnancy was a “pre-existing” condition and 12 weeks UNPAID maternity leave. It’s not even “maternity” leave it’ FMLA. Have you read the STD forms for pregnant women? it’s downright insulting. The rest of the civilized world offers job protection pay and support. Not America. And that’s why I am paying the minimum back on my medical bills. It’s all about money. America is all about suing and anti-discrimination. what is this then? something women should accept? I am even upset there are no laws about pumping in work. I contacted Totes/Isotoners after they fired a new mum for taking breaks to pump. This is wrong on so many levels. Not to mention the ordeal I had at work for being pregnant and the insults and exta work I had to take on for fear of being fired. That’s another story…

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March 13, 2010 at 2:37 pm by Dawn Stark

I was working full time for an international construction company when I was joyfully found out I was pregnant. I was in a very stressful point on a job at work and was concerned about how the stress was going to effect my pregnancy. I went to my company and asked to work part time; enough for full bennefits but time to take care of myself as well. Shortly before I gave birth there were complications with my back. One of my disks herniated and crushed a nerve, which caused me to have a drop foot. The doctors were concerned as the longer the nerve is being compressed the worse it looks for a full recovery and the full movement of my right foot again. I gave birth a few days after my due date and starting the first day out of the hospital I was going to doctors, physical therapy, and for accupuncture 5 out of 7 days.

As this happened at the same time I was pregnany, my maternity was combined with my disability. My company informed me that their policy was that they would not keep people on staff who were out on disability more than 6 months (not that they were paying me a salary at this point). Basically, I started maternity leave on June 22 and I was let go on December 22, 2009.

I was the one that brought in all of the bennefits as my husband is self employed. Thank goodness for the Cobra subsity being extended as that is the only way we could have continued with health insurance.

this is a travisty; mothers have to run back to work and let others raise their children because they need the money or healthcare.

I am home raising my child, waiting to heal and trying to find out what I will do for a job when disability end. This is how we live our lives… what a shame.

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March 6, 2010 at 5:55 pm by Keri

I work at a small liberal arts college and I would have thought that we’d get great maternity leaves…but we get whatever we have for sick and vacation time and then have to take the rest with FMLA unpaid. I’ll be lucky if I have 4 weeks, and that’s if I stop having complications…I’ve been out with the flu for one week, on bed rest for another… Now, god forbid I am out on long term bed rest, I would have to use whatever time I’ve accrued thus far…which isn’t that much…and then FMLA would kick in- during which I would still have to pay for my health benefits since I carry them for my husband and I- without receiving a paycheck…and after those 12 wks with FMLA are up, they can advertise for my position and i can lose my place at work…they have to be able to provide me with something else, i guess, technically, but honestly, how would they ever do that? It’s so disheartening to know I’ll have so very little time to bond with our first born child. There’s no way I can be a SAHM, though it would absolutely be my choice. I find it astonishing and tragic that this country is blind to what is wrong with families at their core…and from birth!
I contacted my state representatives and local representatives to find out what more I could do and who I could contact to fight this fight and was essentially told, by all men of course, that “there are bigger fish to fry and my making a stink about maternity leave would be the least of their worries..” Ok, so who are they representing then, not women I guess!
I guess the last point I’d like to make is that I’m fighting to change our policy at work. It’s not fair and it’s more like a punishment for having a child. I’m staff, so we definitely get the “short end of the stick” faculty can continue to be paid for leave depending on how their contracted- which also gives them their summers off.
Here’s hoping this movement will bring some strong voices forward. I’m eager to learn how I can help be a part of this. Please keep me posted!

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March 4, 2010 at 9:23 pm by Salsa

I am a Physical Therapist Assistant for an outpatient PT practice in Maryland. We got the standard 12 weeks unpaid FMLA for having a baby. This meant I literally worked until I delivered my baby in order to get the most time home. I had 50+ lbs, on my feet, lifting at 9 months pregnant. I threw up every night for the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy & suffered from migraines until 30 weeks due to exhaustion. I had to show a doctor’s note that said I couldn’t work a 12 hour shift before my employer would change my schedule to an 8 hour day. I was on bed rest for a week because I began having increased proteins in my urine around 7 months and they were worried I was becoming pre-eclemptic. I endured all of this for a mere 12 weeks home w/ my new baby.
I see patients every day that are “disabled” and receiving STD and it sickens me that most of them are able to work. Here I am- having gone through a huge strain on my body and I got 3 weeks for my STD b/c my company had a 3 week waiting period and STD for giving birth is only 6 weeks.

My daughter suffered from acid reflux and ate every 90 minutes and I had a hard time keeping my milk up because she wasn’t eating. Pumping and storing wasn’t an option. I breast fed her until I went back to work, but only got 30 minutes in an 8 hour day to pump. I couldn’t pump enough to feed her what she needed while I was gone, so she got formula. In order for me to get more time to pump, I would have to be at work longer to make up for the “break time”. Here is my little girl who needs to still eat on demand and I’m not even allotted enough time to pump enough to feed her. It made me so sad.

I just wish that America would understand how important families are AND how much of a strain that pregnancy and childbirth puts on a woman’s body.

- jamiemo11

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March 4, 2010 at 9:22 pm by Salsa

It’s no wonder mom’s rights are at the bottom of our country’s priority list: We can barely make any money let alone pool any together to send lobbyists to our capital. Look at the who we are competing with for our reresentatives ears; fat cat corporations and shameful insurance companies. Furthermore, there is a social problem in this country wherein people truly believe that this is just how it should be – that women should return to work after 6-8 weeks after giving birth, that we should just “suck it up” because our own mothers did it and everyone else manages to do it. Take a look at the effect this has had morally on our nation: families fall apart, children don’t get enough time with their parents, parent interaction is replaced by tv and videogames. It is a shame. It is such a shame that this “land of opportunity” comes at such a cost and most people are so unaware of the horrible long term effects this will have on our nation. As a teacher, it’s easy to see how many kids really don’t get the time and attention that they need, as mom and dad work overtime to try to provide for their family. Here in America, cash is king and it seems that each person only looks out for themselves. Senator Kyl put it all into perspective when he announced during a health care reform meeting aimed at reducing “unneccesary health care costs” that he didn’t need maternity care, so why would he have to pay for it? We are a selfish country with no vision for the long term – its obvious in our education system, health care system, and lack of paid maternity leave.

As a government-employed teacher, I was given zero maternity paid leave. I had 5 sick days that I used and I was paid short-term disability that amounted to $1530 (about a paycheck and a half). And I only recieved that because I had opted into the short term disability, paying about 20 dollars a paycheck into it for the last two years.

My husband is Canadian and I am writing this letter from Manitoba where we are visiting family so that our baby can meet her grandparents, aunt & uncle, and her only cousins. All our friends seem to be having babies too. They are all in shock that I have already returned to work when my baby is the youngest (3 months) of all the babies. Nine month old Nico will have his mom around for another three months. Jaime is still in the first half of her maternity leave with 5 month old Alexa. Teachers here have 4 months 90% pay then 8 months at 60% pay. However, it’s unheard of for anyone to return even after the first 4 months. When I explain this to my child-less friends in the states, their response is “well they must pay more in taxes” which is true, but their income reflects the cost of living effectively with taxes considered. Canada doesn’t have a perfect system, but it sure shows how horrible the American system is.

I guess I am just feeling such a sense of defeat when so many people just don’t seem to see what a terrible thing it is to not support the American family – a family that can no longer survive on one income yet still has practices based on that idea. The lack of paid maternity leave is just horrible and no one seems to realize it.

- Megan

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March 4, 2010 at 9:22 pm by Salsa

My mid-sized professional firm offers no maternity benefits whatsoever outside of those required by FMLA. I and one of the few other women of childbearing age that works at my company lobbied for several months just to get offered a fully employee-funded short-term disability insurance policy that offered maternity benefits so that we could have the possibility of SOME income. We finally got that put through on September 1, 2008 — and I got pregnant in early October of that year.

In order to be able to take just 10 weeks off to be with my son, I reduced my pay to 80% for several months to “bank” some income for when I was off and hoarded PTO (as much as I could beyond doctors’ appointments, morning sickness, etc). Between saved vacation (2 weeks), ST disability payments (4 weeks) “banked” pay (2 weeks) and a little bit of unpaid time (2 weeks) I was barely able to spend 10 weeks with my son after he was born this past July. My husband only took off 4 days, three of which were while we were still in the hospital, since he doesn’t get nearly as much PTO as I do.

Continuing to breastfeed my now 5 month old son is a daily struggle. My workplace is not very conducive to pumping (despite a law in my state that clearly says my employer is REQUIRED to provide me with a place to pump breastmilk and unpaid breaks to do it as needed), and it’s a constant stressor to get enough milk for his bottles every day at the babysitter.

To make matters worse, my commitment to my job was questioned during my pregnancy as well as since my return from leave. While in my third trimester of pregnancy and working 65+ hours per week (as required by my employer during that time, as our business is extremely seasonal), I was told my managers had noticed that it seemed I had lost focus — of course I had! I was completely exhausted! Since my return, during a time period when my newborn son was quite ill, I was chastised for caring for my son instead of putting in personal time to work on a client account. Every time I leave to pump I get dirty looks, as if I’m just heading out for a break.

The lack of support for new parents in this country constantly amazes me. Staying home is cost-prohibitive for my family (as I make over half of our income), but I feel entitled to the option of staying home with my infant son during this crucial bonding time. Too often I hear the response “well, you shouldn’t have had children if you couldn’t afford them,” or “well, why would you have a baby and then pay someone else to raise him?” I am completely disgusted by these statements. Because my husband doesn’t make six figures (which, in my area, is what would be required to support a family of 3 living a very modest but still mostly comfortable lifestyle), I should be sterilized? I shouldn’t be allowed the joy of a family?

I’m so glad that I found this website. I hope to be able to follow any progress made.

- BarbieZilla

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March 4, 2010 at 9:22 pm by Salsa

So glad to be able to be a part of this group. Here is my story. Hope it gives hope and inspriation to others. I was divorced 18 years ago. At 31, I was faced with starting completely over with 2 kids. To be truthful, the first several nights, I slept in my car. Needless to say, my options as a single Dad were pretty grim back then; things have gotten a bit better over the years for men, yet have along way to go. My biggest goal was to make sure I devoted as much time as I could to my kids. Within 19 months of being divorced I bought another house (mind you, I have never had a salary) and opened up my own business. My main goal was to spend lots of quality time with my kids and since there was no way to have parental leave (at that point my kids were 3 and 6)the only way to do it was to be totally independent and self employed. I was one of the lucky ones, I played my cards right, and eventually both my kids decided to live with me most of the time. Granted, it was pretty tough for my ex wife to afford the house I gave up to her, and she needed an extra income to help support the mortgage, so she ended up marrying the guy she was having the affiar with. So the kid’s choice to live with me was pretty simple. My daughter graduated 2 years ago from college and my son is now enrolled in College. As a “Thank you” to my daughter for being so kind to me as a single Dad, I gave her a round trip ticket to Argentina. I’ll be the first to admit that it was easy to do what I did, but I think probably the thing that helped me most was I HAD to succeeed; given there was no one to fall back on, and no agencies set up to help men back then. I think if I had expected the government, or firends, or family, or charity to help me, I would not have the pride that I have now. I guess, looking back, the say, “if you don’t lean on anyone you won’t fall”, really applies.

I feel so blessed to have had so much time with my kids. Never missed a single parent teacher conference, was able to attend 90% of their athletic events. Now, after 18 years, I am able to devote more time to me. The kids visit often and we are so happy. Another maxim I lived by was, “never let them see you sweat”. Of course my kids knew I was under lots of pressure; a mortgage, insurance, parental responsibilities, etc., yet I attempted to be strong for them nonetheless. I think by my example, they now know that almost anything is possible!

- Steve

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March 4, 2010 at 9:21 pm by Salsa

I just got pregnant and i’m learning my right as pregnant woman, and i’m completely shocked.
I’m french and i’ here since 1year and half. I can’t believe that you are not paid when you go in maternity leave.. In france you have 16 weeks paid, if your doctor think your pregnancy is difficult he can stop you during the pregnancy (and you are paid), at the momnt you tell your boss that you are pregnant, you are protect… and you can have peoples come help you at home!

If woman in United States, stop to have baby, who will pay for the retirements… we need the next generation, and everybody should support the womans for that.

That so unfair! i don’t understand why american woman just accept the situation ! So woman are completely depedant of men, or poor (if alone)?? it’s so archaic!

- floriane

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