Dana Glazer

    Let’s Get Rid of ‘Mommy and Me’

    Posted September 14th, 2010 by Dana Glazer

    I took my eldest son to get his hair cut the other day and noticed on the door to the salon an advertisement for a local “Mommy and Me” class. The flier included an illustration of a mother holding her toddler. There was no mention of dads and other caregivers being welcome as well.

    Harmless, right?

    When it comes to father’s rights, I am certainly not a militant. Nor am I the type of person who takes offense at every little thing. However, when I read a flier for a toddler activity that only emphasizes motherhood, do I, as a dad, feel excluded?

    You bet.

    Do people intend to be exclusionary? Sometimes they do and sometimes they just haven’t thought enough about what they are doing, as evidenced below:

    There’s a famous quote by Gloria Steinem that I think is worth repeating here: “Women are not going to be equal outside the home until men are equal in it.” There’s certainly been a lot of growth in terms of how the genders work together, but there’s still a great deal of resistance from all sides. As a society, we still hold too tightly to old stereotypes of what moms and dads should be doing — even when reality dictates we should be more open.

    When it comes to childcare, it really is up to women to allow men into what has previously been their domain and a great place to start is to get rid of the moniker “Mommy and Me.” So, if you are connected with such a class, consider getting the name changed to one that is more welcoming, like “Toddler Time” or “Toddler and Me” — names that include not only dads but grandparents and other caregivers as well. It’s small changes like this that, over the long run, will help alter attitudes and perceptions about our roles as men and women in our society.

    Dana H. Glazer is the award-winning director of the feature length documentary The Evolution of Dad. To learn more about the project, please visit www.evolutionofdad.com.

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    4 Comments

    September 15, 2010 at 3:20 pm by Ruth Martin

    Thanks for sharing this. You are so right about this. Keep up the great work!

    [Reply]

    September 14, 2010 at 3:52 pm by Jon Prial

    My children are now in their early 20′s. When they were young, my wife had a train commute to work while we lived a few miles from my office. I went to most of the “Mom coffees” other poorly named events. It definitely heightened my sensitivity to many of the issues that we are still facing today.

    Back then, I was usually the only father attending those poorly named programs. Although it is important to get the name right, what percentage of fathers are attending these events today? That’s the real driver of change.

    [Reply]

    Anita Reply:

    @Jon – Thanks for sharing your experience, and that’s a great point that one good indicator of change is the percentage of fathers in attendance at these events. It helps to even ask the question- what challenges face fathers (and moms, and grandparents, and all caregivers) who seek to participate?

    [Reply]

    September 14, 2010 at 11:56 am by CR

    I stopped buying Safeway brand baby products a few years ago when they introduced their “Mom to Mom” store brand. I sent a complaint. Still see the brand on the shelves. My husband hates those “Mommy and Me” titles, too.

    [Reply]

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