213 Comments

October 30, 2007 at 1:59 pm by Anonymous

The scariest thing I’ve ever faced is finding quality child care for my 3-month old daughter so that I could go back to work, which was an economic imperative for my family and a professional imperative for my career. Thanks to FMLA, I had 3 months to give birth, recover from a postpartum hemorrage that nearly killed me, become a mother, breastfeed, and find child care…all while not sleeping for more than 3 hours at a time. We hired a sitter and I worked from home so that I could watch them and breastfeed–thank goodness I had the option to work from home. Even though I carefully checked references and even paid for an expensive background check, I’d follow them around the neighborhood to make sure my daughter wasn’t kidnapped. The one time I didn’t, they returned 10 minutes late and I was ready to call the police. After two months, that sitter left us and we had to go through the process again. Eventually we found another sitter, and after spending several days at home with her I felt comfortable leaving my baby, now 6 months old, alone with her. I was never fully comfortable, however, and would breathe easier when I knew my husband was working from home or going home early, or when I could work from home.

I’ve always resented that I had to return to work before my baby and I were ready, and that I was forced to sort through a variety of undesirable child care options for my infant.

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October 30, 2007 at 1:42 pm by Anonymous

What’s weighing me down right now is the cost of health insurance. My husband’s bring-home pay is paltry because so much goes toward carrying coverage for our family. I got a decent raise earlier this year, but we’re looking at a net loss since the cost of premiums went up. The increase basically ate up any strides I made financially. We’ve given up on trying to get ahead. We’ll just feel lucky to break even sometime in the future. –Sarah

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October 30, 2007 at 1:49 pm by Anonymous

I’m 7 months pregnant with my second child, due in January. For the last several weeks (months really) I’ve had a hard time really enjoying this pregnancy for the worry created over financing my maternity leave and daycare. My husband and I both make about the same amount of money and while I have good health insurance that covers the entire family, neither of us can quit our job because each of our incomes contribute too much to the bills every month. We don’t make six figures, but we do better together than a lot of families in our area. However, with 2 children in daycare, our daycare expenses will be $800 a month. My company does not have a separate maternity leave policy and my husband doesn’t get any paternity leave. He will have to take vacation time to get to spend a week with the baby when (s)he is born. Because of the no maternity leave policy, I’m taking short term disability and using half my FMLA time. During my maternity leave, I will make half my usual pay, and we’re already stretched pretty thin just keeping up our mortgage, car payment, utilities, insurance, and groceries.

People tell me I’m lucky, that there are others out there with no short term disability who only get enough time to recover physically themselves from childbirth before being forced to return to work to provide for their newborns. I realize this, but it doesn’t make me feel lucky. It makes me angry and indignant on behalf of new mothers being forced to make such decisions. FMLA is NOT comprehensive enough to cover maternity leaves. I have friends working at companies who are far more generous with maternity leaves and pay scales than my own company. In college, I worked for a company that allowed new moms to bring their babies to work and care for them, breastfeed them – with a secluded breastfeeding room provided – up until the babies were six months old! So my 50% pay (and 4 years ago with my first child, it was 25% pay) doesn’t seem like I’m lucky. As a completely middle class parent trying to maintain a secure and happy home for my 2 children, even assuming the baby will be healthy, we’re struggling.

With the U.S. being one of only 4 countries with such poor maternity/paternity leave policies, I am bitter. How could such a country, considered a leader of the free world, be so neglectful of the families that make up her population? It’s time to take care of the foundation of this country, and that’s the children born into it, and the parents of those children responsible for raising them to become responsible, voting American citizens.

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October 30, 2007 at 1:49 pm by Anonymous

I personally feel more secure with my daughter being in a center than in someone’s home, but I pay the price having her in that kind of day care environment. It cost us over $300 more per month than we pay for our two mortgages. At that price there’s no way we could afford to have anymore children…. it would be like owning 3 houses. We just don’t make that kind of money. Even though our salaries combined are in the low six figures, which seems like a comfortable amount to pull in, but it just doesn’t cover the costs.

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October 30, 2007 at 1:48 pm by Anonymous

Despite all the child-unfriendly policies, expensive day care and schooling, exhorbitant health insurance, etc., we are still getting pregnant and having kids as if things will work out. Why is this? The decision to have a child is a serious one, and should, I think, involves consideration of personal, financial, and community resources. Individuals as well as government need to think about where children fall in the spectrum of priorities. If the government is not going to make policy that is more family-friendly, they should stop talking about “family values” and say up front that they want to discourage people from having kids. And they should pay for birth control. Families and individuals would benefit from doing a thorough assessment of the pros and cons of having a (nother) child in this country/world BEFORE getting pregnant. Do research: can you afford child care? Can you afford to leave your job? Do you want to raise a child if you will have all of 2 waking hours per day with him/her? Do we as a country want to make population growth a priority? I realize I am simplifying some very complex economic/moral/political/education issues, but it is all grist for the mill.

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October 30, 2007 at 1:47 pm by Anonymous

My story is from about six or seven years ago when my then 15 or 16 year old daughter was in need of lengthy inpatient psychiatric treatment, but the HMO determined that she could not stay for more than 48 hours because she was deemed to no longer be a threat to herself or others. She is now 22, married and still wrestling her demons. Today, with different health insurance, she starts a 30 day inpatient treatment for her eating disorder but still faces a $7,000 co-pay. She and her husband are both students. Where are they going to come up with $7,000? I sure don’t have it.

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November 6, 2007 at 2:09 pm by Anonymous

My Husband and I are lucky. We both have college degrees, and good jobs with good affordable health benefits. My rank and position at my company are at the level where health insurance if affordable. (It’s more expensive for lower level workers)

My husband received a settlement from when he broke his back, and we were able to put a big enough down payment on our house to keep the payment affordable. Between the two of us we make about 80,000 a year before taxes, after taxes it’s more like 48,000. I am only 23 and he is 25 we are both very successful for our age. We don’t have a big mortgage and only one car payment so we are doing pretty well.

We are doing well because my husband broke his back. How messed up is that? However because of laws that cap settlement awards in our state it was only 1/22 of his medical bills directly related to the accident. Without that we would have to choose between living hand to mouth or living in a neighborhood lined with crack houses and meth labs.

He has a preexisting condition, and needs and will continue to need a lot of care for the rest of his life. He can’t get health coverage, but I cover him under my plan, which is affordable because of my rank. He is also Canadian, so if for some reason I lose coverage we have a plan B. He works from home and is self employed.

I have one child from a previous relationship, which ended when he died in a motorcycle accident, and we both would really like to have a child of our own. But even though we have been so lucky we still would not be able to afford day care for two children, and with the projected cost of college tuition being in the six figures it just does not make sense have a child.

We are doing as you say, being responsible and taking the necessary precaution to not get pregnant. However it breaks our hearts, because we are wonderful parents and have a lot to offer a child. It makes me so sad that my husband could die without leaving a genetic legacy. And when my husband and I pass on my son will be all alone. I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel because with every raise I get, the cost to just get by goes up twice as much.

Having a child is a basic human right that everybody should be entitled to regardless of their tax bracket. My husband and I are good, hardworking people, but according to you we still don’t meet the qualifications to have a family. Since when did having a family become a privilege for only the privileged?

Your solution to this crisis, is if you can’t afford a child then don’t have one? I think that solution holds as much water as the abstinence solution to teen pregnancy and STD’s. Certain things about people just don’t change: People will always have children, and people will always have sex, humans have been doing it for all of our history and it is the reason why we are here today. It’s not ever going to change. No matter how hard you try to et rid of them there are always going to be children., so I would think it would be in everybody’s best interest to figure out a way to care for them, educate them, and do what we need to do for them so they can continue to advance our society, and the human race instead of trying to get rid of them.

There is a serious problem when people like me, who are lucky, can’t afford to have a child. My dad provided a nice life for his three girls on $37,000 a year, while my mom stayed at home. We did fine. Seems unfair that I can’t have the same.

The situation in the country isn’t scary, it’s sad.

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October 30, 2007 at 1:40 pm by Anonymous

I feel guilty everyday going to work. I miss my 2 boys (5 and 2) so much. My husband currently stays home with them and works on weekends. I have to maintain the full time job due to the insurance. However, I pay $505.00 a month for my family. My youngest was early and I am still paying for him on top of my premium. I feel like I miss out alot on things. I have considered quitting but we could not make it on just my husband’s income. Its a no win situation! My employer “states” they are the employer of choice because of their family values. Hahahaha, we get unpaid maternity leave and if you are not high up on the Coporate ladder you have to pay triple the premium for Health Benefits. We do what we can to make it and I thank GOD everyday for my 2 little blessings!!!

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October 30, 2007 at 10:03 pm by Anonymous

My heart goes out to you and your daughter. There is no reason that the school and the teachers couldn’t do something within the regular curriculum and classes to help your daughter to succeed… there is such a thing as differentiation.

However, I must add… that I was a teacher (before I decided to stay home with my children – the other reason was the direction education was heading with this horrible policy) and I do understand the pressures that teachers are under now… they aren’t paid well enough for what they do and are overworked, schools are terribly overfunded, class sizes are ridiculous and many have their own families to spend time with… etc..

But, the job of a school and its teachers should be to help students succeed. There should be no reason for a student to fail classes (except maybe their neglect of homework and not working hard… but this isn’t your daughter…) especially if they are hardworking.

I sometimes wish I could start a school of my own for all of the disenfranchised children out there that are being left behind by policies that obviously don’t understand children…

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October 30, 2007 at 1:46 pm by Anonymous

I stood by my country twice in the Air Force, once on Active Duty and in the Reserves. Both times I was questioned about my ability to both do my duties and breastfeed my child. I actually got kicked out of my work building with my child when I tried to breastfeed in my building. Another instance my supervisor asked me if it was REALLY NECESSARY to pump my breastmilk. Two of my supervisors actually pulled me into an office and asked me to explain to them why it was important for me to take just 45 mins out of my day to do what was best for my child. If doing the most simple things that we were meant to do as human beings such as nourish our children is such a burden to the American people then I don’t know what could be scarier.

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October 30, 2007 at 6:16 pm by Anonymous

Although I already raised my children, I want to share one of my most dreadful moments raising a family of four.

While raising my children, I always had to hold a formal job, because we needed insurance and could not afford the outrageous premiums on our own; instead of staying home excelling at the best job a human being can ever have: been a mother.

When my last child was born, I had to stay home because we could not afford daycare. I was between jobs and my husband had small business that barely made ends meet. As “business owners” we did not qualify for any type of help, we were right at a little above the poverty line.

My third child became ill, bills began to pile up and we had to make the decision to travel abroad for medical attention because here, in our country, we were unable to provide medical care for my children. I traveled with the children to Dominican Republic every time one of them got sick, or relied on telephone consultation with pediatricians and delivery of medication via airmail, totally insane when you think of it now.

However, I was fortunate to have family abroad; I pitied those who simply didn’t provide medical attention for their children. I knew many families in similar situation and began activism in my community to help, but soon, the full time job swallowed my able time and life went on with the usual division of classes, those who have it all, including the tax breaks, and do not need anything from the governmental institution supposed to provide some sort of congruency, those who milk the system for whatever they can out of it, and the rest of us who pay for everything the legislators decide in their divine wisdom and carelessness.

When I look at our health care system I find it preposterous! Our state and federal representatives are making a mockery of democracy making all of us live in a third world country system as far as affordable health care is concern. And I mean, healthcare for entire families, not only for children; when the providers get sick uninsured, who is going to continue-on paying for the children’s healthcare premiums?

I advocate for a petition to stop paying health care and engorged retirement benefits for our elected officials. Stop paying for all the benefits they carved-in for themselves, benefits the regular, honest, hard-working taxpayers can’t and will never receive.

We do not have royalty; we have a democracy, endangered by the abuse of those elected to represent us. Why should elected officials receive benefits, which taxpayers will never receive under any circumstances?

Our politicians state that corporate freedom to dispense benefits is paramount in a capitalistic society?! But they do not use the same capitalistic principles when concocting their benefits, paid by us, the middle working class, squeezed to no end.

With the proposed benefit cutting savings in the federal budget, we can properly provide some sensible healthcare insurance for the American tax payer.

We are not been represented in Washington, our elected officials chose their tenure to secure their posts and personal retirement benefit. They perpetuate these white collar crimes against the tax payers. WE NEED TO INFORM THE PUBLIC ABOUT THESE ISSUES. As long as politicians have their benefit package intact, they do not need to listen.

I am now 55 years old and, after paying for insurance my entire life, I can not find an insurance company to cover my preexisting conditions.
Again, I am at the borderline for Medicare and Medicaid, humiliated to my bones, because I do not want a hand-out I want to pay a reasonable/affordable premium.

I want my representatives to listen, and take care of the needs of the country. Healthcare for all Americans remains the number one problem in America today, fathering the rest of the issues: unemployment caused by untreated sickness, crime due to lack of psychological evaluations and care of the unstable, housing, (homes lost due to catastrophic illnesses and inability to pay for the astronomical property insurance), etc., etc.

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October 30, 2007 at 6:02 pm by Anonymous

I’m writing this because soon after I graduated from college and started my new job I found out I was pregnant. Luckily I got to keep my insurance while on maternity leave but I was told my job would not be protected by FMLA since I had been there less than a year. I wound up having severe pre-eclampsia and my daughter was born 7 weeks early, she spent two weeks in the NICU. Even when she was ready to come home she was tiny (4lbs) and not up to size of a normal newborn, When she was 6 weeks old I had to return to work, she only wighted 5 lbs. Luckily my mother babysat her, but I was worried about all of the risks to her, especially being so small. Then when I returned to work I was questioned on why I did not continue to work on my project while I was out on disability and in the hospital. Very disappointing experience.

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October 30, 2007 at 5:25 pm by Anonymous

I JUST resigned from my non-Family Friendly corporate job. A pal of mine raved about this company that was supposed to be cutting-edge in its treatment of its employees. They purported to put the employee first and the customer second. Too good to be true? Of course it was! Paid Time Off (PTO)? Three weeks of it – but when you used the time, it was held against you. The VP of Sales was married to the Director of Sales Operations and they had no children, so trying to grab a few hours for a school event was looked upon as wasted time. We were actually penalized for using our PTO! Here in Nashville, Tennessee, our students had about 10 half-days due to temperatures in excess of 100 degrees. I was told to make a choice (the job or the kids) – and I did. I held out for a few more weeks and resigned at the end of September. Corporate America – the most effective employee in the world is a working Mom! Come on – if you want it done and done well, give it to a Mom. We have the time management skills, the delegation skills, the multi-tasking skills, and the drive to succeed. If you will let us be Moms AND employees, you will have a dynamo. Wake up! We need flextime, paid Family Time Off, and telecommuting options. Believe me, you will receive FAR more than you give!

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October 30, 2007 at 9:42 pm by Anonymous

What I find scary, overwhelming and at times disheartening is just how many things need fixing for our families… health care, daycare, family friendly workplaces, education, the environment, our cultural call for family values without any real family values behind them… and on and on.

The biggest issue though for my family right at this moment and for many people I know is health care. My husband is self-employed and although he contracts with a company has no health care options other than private insurance. I am a stay at home mom with a small photography business (it just gives us extra spending money from time to time… I am trying to grow it by word of mouth – can’t afford to advertise). We just got a letter the other day that our private insurance premiums will be going up to almost $600 a month for our family of four! We don’t know how we are going to afford it, plus I am pregnant and we’ll be needing to add another person to that come February! This is a plan with a $6000 deductible and a Health Savings Account.. but how can we afford to put anything into the savings account when we can hardly afford the premiums! Luckily we qualify for help from the state of Wisconsin but that is just because I am pregnant and only for a year.

The problem is I know we are lucky. I have friends who aren’t insured at all. I know friends that have two incomes coming into the household and they are struggling to afford their health care costs through their employer. For some of them it might even be better for one of them to quit working and stay home with the kids because then they would save on daycare so they could afford health insurance.

It is scary to feel like your choices are limited. Families shouldn’t have to make these tough choices… especially in America… “the land of the free.”

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October 30, 2007 at 10:53 pm by Anonymous

Life with children involves many sacrifices. The one thing I did not want to do was give up their short sweet childhood to a caretaker and miss all the fun. My husband and I both worked but we chose to work different shifts before they were in elementary school. He worked 7:00 am to 5 or 6:00 pm Monday – Friday. I worked 3:00 pm to midnight Wed- Sunday. The babysitter came from 2:45 to 6:00 three days a week. Costs were minimal, the children had at least one parent home, and we were able to pay the bills. Once they were in school I did not see them due to the schedule, so I went back to college part time and changed careers to be on the same schedule school vacations and all. It was the best thing I could have done. We are not rich with material things but we are rich with happy children, and a loving family. Best of all I am not handing my paycheck to another person to enjoy the smiles of my babies.

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October 30, 2007 at 10:55 pm by Anonymous

I think that the idea is to support each other and talk about ways that our society can support child rearing. I too have to depend on my parents. Aren’t we lucky we have them! Not everyone does!

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October 30, 2007 at 10:27 pm by Anonymous

It makes me sick listening to all these stories of moms complaining that they are making combined incomes of six figures a year. We are living with my parents so that I can stay at home with my toddler. My husband only makes $30,000 a year. You people should be counting your blessings! We are leaving with my parents, sister, and my husband, daughter and I in a 1200 sq foot house! Please people!

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October 30, 2007 at 10:03 pm by Anonymous

I spent a little time reading the other posts and I had to stop, it got too painful to continue. I feel as though my story pales in comparison, but I will share it anyway.

I thought I worked for a family friendly work place when my boss readily agreed to my plans for maternity leave and later my return to work. I was planning on taking off a minimum of six weeks and then returning to work part time for another six weeks or so and then working the minimum hours required to maintain my full time status until my baby reached six months of age and finally working forty hours a week as before. Although I was required to use all my vacation time while I was out on maternity leave leaving me with no paid time off for the rest of the year (I returned to work in July), I was okay with that because I thought I was getting a lot of cooperation from my boss, boy was I wrong!

I went back to work when my baby was 10 weeks old and the day I dropped her off for her first day with her child care provider I spent the entire morning sobbing. The pain of placing her in someone elses care to go back to work in order to pay the bills was awful. Upon my return to work everything seemed to be fine, my boss was nice enough and allowed me a lot of flexibility with my hours. About two months after I had been back I was informed that my hours were being cut and the only way to keep them was to take on more work. My cut hours represent a $300.00 a month loss in pay and this at a time when we need it more than ever because we have the added expense of daycare, diapers, formula, etc. When I tried to talk to her (my boss) about how stressful this loss was because we have a new baby, I was told that I need to stop using first my pregnancy and then my baby as an excuse for everything because it has been a year now (a year since I told them I was pregnant and now my baby is almost six months old). She went on to inform me that I had been so thoroughly unpleasant during my pregnancy that people had actually quit because of it, because of me! So NOT true, I am a very sunny, pleasant person to be around, I make friends easily and I am friendly and outgoing and I have many friends and co-workers who will say me true. Talk about the boss from he**! Ugh!

And I can’t tell you how much I resent having to let my baby’s needs go sometimes because I have to get ready for work, it just tears at my insides. She doesn’t understand getting to work on time, etc. Quitting is not an option for either my husband or myself, we simply cannot afford to live on one income. Something needs to be done so moms and/or dads can stay home longer with our babies and be able to return to work without fear of losing hours or benefits or plain just be able to stay home and raise our own children. I feel as though I am being penalized for being a new mom. That is how this country makes parents feel. Politicians mouth all kinds of platitudes about how families are the strength and backbone of this country and then turn right around and worship the almight bottom line of the dollar. Only in unification can we send a strong enough message that we expect change. Now that I have written a novel and if you are still reading this, I apologize for being so lengthy, but it feels so darn good to get some of this off of my chest! Thanks for listening!

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October 30, 2007 at 9:15 pm by Anonymous

I live in a relatively wealthy town in NJ where many moms stay home. I work part-time and my 4 1/2 year old will go to half-day kindergarten in the public school system next year. While investigating after care(which I need for only about 20 minutes after the school day ends and possibly 30 minutes before school begins), I have discovered that after care will cost more than I currently pay for 3 full days of daycare for her. I also have a 2 1/2 year old and will be paying for her 3 days of daycare a week. It would be cheaper for me to send my older daughter to private school which provides full day kindergarten than public school with after care. There is only one after care provider in my town for half day kindergartners.
I thought my expenses would drop once my children went to public school but I see that’s not the case. I am now considering a leave from work next year because I already pay half of my take home pay for child care not to mention the sick days when my kids are sick.

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October 30, 2007 at 10:38 pm by Anonymous

but when I learned I was pregnant with my first child I wept – even though I was married, even though I wanted a baby so badly, even though I had a roof over my head and a two-income household. We couldn’t afford to pay rent without both incomes, daycare cost more than my take-home salary, and health insurance for the new baby would cut deeper into my husband’s salary. We wouldn’t be able to make ends meet – not by a longshot, and we made too much to qualify for assistance. I had always prided myself on being able to make it on my own, but I had to borrow money from my parents and my in-laws so that we could move to a new state so my husband could work a new job with better benefits, we could have a lower cost of living, and I could stay home with the baby.
My husband makes about $50,000 a year. We are considered “middle class” and yet we have to live extremely frugally. Every time a bill comes in the mail, it’s scary. We don’t shop, we don’t eat out, and the credit card debt is out of control anyway from doctor’s copays and gasoline. We have two kids now and I wouldn’t trade a single day with them for all the money in the world, but gone are the days when one salary could easily support a family of four as long as you were careful with your money.

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October 30, 2007 at 7:30 pm by Anonymous

Hi.

I’m a single mother. I’m a sixteen year veteran teacher with two degrees, four credentials, and a true and lasting love of education.

I’m making $35,000 per year.

Last month, as Congress was debating S-chip and the President exercised his veto pen, my new district began payroll deductions for dependent healthcare coverage.

After I pay rent, I’m left with $700 per month for food, gas, utilities, health care deductible costs, clothes, field trips, educational expenses, and all the sundries that make up modern life.

It doesn’t take a master’s degree to see that it simply doesn’t add up.

My pay – in a traditionally female profession with nationally disgraceful salaries relative to other careers with comparable education requirements – is wholly inadequate.

Health care expenses literally push my little family from “extremely tight budget” over the edge into “no possible way on Earth.”

I’m looking into extra jobs. But every hour I work as an online tutor, as a freelance writer, or as a martial arts instructor is another hour my wonderful child sits alone with a book looking at the back of my head while I have quality time with somebody else’s kid. At this point, she is spending at least ten hours per week this way, and I’m still falling behind hundreds of dollars per month.

I ought to get paid commensurate with my professional experience and education with a living wage. I ought to get affordable health care for my daughter. I ought to be able to work hard and make ends meet 40 hours per week and spend the rest of my time having adventures with my daughter and teaching her all that is exciting and precious in the world.

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October 30, 2007 at 8:15 pm by Anonymous

In 2000, when my second daughter was born, I felt lucky to be in the first group of faculty mothers in our 23 campus university system to ever recieve 4 weeks of paid time off for maternity leave. But, when it came down to it the faculty member assigned to cover my teaching for that 4 weeks was my husband who works for the same university! We were both new and were pressured not to make waves. With a preschooler and a new baby in the house, his own teaching load and my teaching to cover, I don’t know which of us got less sleep. That was scary. The more senior ladies in the department who bragged of “having the baby on the weekend and being back at work on Monday” and “…remembered lecturing while the milk ran down inside their clothes…” where positively terrifying.

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October 30, 2007 at 8:36 pm by Anonymous

My daughter has asthma, it’s under control but she needs to be on constant medication and see a specialist every 6 months. My health insurance (I was a student at the time, single mom and paying out of pocket for health insurance), decided one day that my daughter was costing them too much money and put a rider into our policy stating that they would not pay any health care expenses tied to her asthma! I tried other health plans, but they also refused to cover a “pre-existing condition”…I figured it was illegal to cut her out of our plan, but i didn’t have the money to fight them. After struggling to pay the $580 per visit I finally signed onto Medicare just to ensure that her medical would be covered.

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October 30, 2007 at 8:40 pm by Anonymous

I am raising my two grand daughters and have been for the last 5 years. I work 48-52 manditory hours per week and am married to a man who helps fill in the gaps while working his 40 hour a week job. My employer is worried about attendance at my job. We have a few excused (unpaid) absenses per rolling year provided we supply proper documentation of illness. I must juggle these days between myself and my two girls leaving gaps during the cold and flu season. We have a policy where if the school or a registered daycare calls requesting you come pick up your ill child you will be excused without holding against your unpaid sick days so when you are out or close to out of sick days you send you sick child to daycare and then on to school to expose other families to their illness in order to keep the job you must have to suport you children.
I fully understand that an employer must be able to depend on an employee to be at work daily in order to be compete in their market but there must be a to have an keep a job and raise and care for your children at the same time. Sick employees make other employees sick and sick children make other employees children sick, its a viscious circle.

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October 30, 2007 at 9:38 pm by Anonymous

My husband is self employed and I quit my job last year to stay home with our child. I had the health insurance and the COBRA policy was more than a $1000.00 a month, so that was not an option. We opted for individual insurance through Anthem. It covers one OB visit for me and the immunizations for my daughter. Everything else is out of pocket. Well, the exciting and scary part is I’m pregnant. The problem is we have no pregnancy insurance. It is hard to believe that insurance companies can set premiums so high for pregnancy coverage that you can’t afford it if you are on a budget. Also in our situation you have to have a planned pregnancy so you can buy the pregnancy insurance rider. For those that don’t fit in that category, you have to pay thousands of dollars for you own birth. It feels like such an insurance scam. It is hard to believe that our country is so unsupportive of middle class self employed families. Things need to change. Kate Daugherty

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October 30, 2007 at 5:04 pm by Anonymous

I believe everyone is fighting the symptom of the problem instead of the problem, and we have to tact now before it’s too late. To see what I’m talking about, please go to this URL.

http://tinyurl.com/ysgnxd

A bill is in the house right now that will make all this possible. Please read it and Google it once you read it to see what others are saying.

http://tinyurl.com/26gj8m

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October 30, 2007 at 5:06 pm by Anonymous

We are a double-income-no-kids household right now, but are getting excited about having a child.

I am scared about what I would do once the child was born. I can get the FMLA time, but then what? If I quit my job, I lose the great benefits for me and my family? I also lose the security of retirement savings.

I want to be a stay-at-home mom, but I want to do it the smart way. I can’t think about having children until I know what “the smart way” is. Thanks to MomsRising for advocating for parents and parents-to-be.

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October 30, 2007 at 5:06 pm by Anonymous

When our son, Harrison, was born at 28 weeks and six days, it surprised everyone, including my doctor. I needed time to recover from the physical stress of delivering a child and pumping milk every three hours, night and day, to sustain him according to doctor’s guidance and my wish to do something to help my tiny, two-and-a-half pound baby boy grow.

From my employer, I received six weeks of partially-paid leave that I was not allowed to break up into pieces. That meant that I received six weeks off at 60% pay (before taxes) after my son was born, but had to return to work before he came home from the hospital.

We had to keep my income to help support our family. My family does not live in a new, big house. We have basic cable and there is no game system or plasma TV. No A/C in the summer. No flying away on vacation. My kids share bedrooms. We pack lunches. We plant a garden. We shop at garage sales. But still we both need to work to make ends meet. Usually we are fine, and even have a little extra saved for emergencies like car repairs or emergency room visits. But there is no long-term cushion for us.

During my leave I visited him for hours every day. But after I returned to work, I had to cut my visits to him short even though he was finally getting strong enough to nurse. It was hard on my other children because I had little time left over for them, and absolutely none left for me. During this time, my grandfather died and I could not go to his funeral in another state because I was afraid to leave my son. This was a very hard time for my family.

When my son was discharged I took two weeks of unpaid leave to be home with him, then returned to work. Since he had lung disease (common among preemies), his doctor recommended against daycare due to respiratory illness risks. Plus, at this point my son was at 36 weeks and weighed under 5 pounds. I was not allowed to split up my leave to care for him because apparently being too young and fragile to leave home is not a medical condition according to our minimally helpful federal guidelines. Was he supposed to take care of himself? Was I supposed to send him to daycare and risk him getting sick and being hospitalized again? What if he was hospitalized for more than 4 weeks? That would have exhausted my 12-week annual allowance under federal guidelines. Would my son be alone, or would my family have to go on welfare? I didn’t know what to do. I called my employer’s benefits coordinator. She said it sounded like I had a daycare issue, not a medical issue. I was shocked. I have worked here for ten years. That is the appreciation I get.

I was fortunate that my husband was able to stay home with my son for one month after I returned to work, through his employer’s paid leave program for the baby’s first 12 weeks, since he was now Harrison’s “primary caregiver.” None of these employee programs took situations like ours into account when they were developed. They forget that some babies may be alive for 12 weeks but are still the equivalent of a 6-day old baby when they come home. Who can leave a baby that small? I felt so helpless. I missed out on spending time with my son when he came home because of a technicality. This is so wrong.

My son is healthy today and I am so grateful. But when he was born, our lives were so difficult and they really didn’t have to be, but for our pathetic U.S. family leave program. How can an employer tell their employee that they are valued, and not allow them time off to care for a hosptilized baby? How can a nation put business ahead of babies? We must stand up for other families. No one should have to go through what we experienced.

-Alice Smith, Reynoldsburg, OH

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October 30, 2007 at 5:52 pm by Anonymous

(in additional to all of the above) is low teacher and childcare worker pay. These jobs should be valued more by our country and childcare workers should earn more than minimum wage. After all, it’s now been confirmed that the first 3-5 years are the most important time for a child. I’m also scared that as a country, “we” aren’t more outraged at the gun violence in our schools. This should absolutely NOT be happening-period. It should be getting more political and national attention. Imagine if that happened in one of our children’s schools…

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October 30, 2007 at 9:51 pm by Anonymous

I was a public school teacher for 13 years before I quit my job to stay home with my two daughters. I was lucky enough to be able to afford this option and be totally dependent on my husband’s one decent income with decent benefits but what about the majority of women who can’t afford this option? What do they do? Do they make an “educated” choice as I did and postpone having children because “they can’t afford it” until they reach age 35 or older and then find out that the sands of their biological clocks ran out or do they grit their teeth and just have kids hoping that things will work out only to end up in poverty, divorced, or with crappy care for their kids?

I really tried to return for a year after my unpaid maternity leave ran out and it was a nightmare even in a supposedly “family friendly” school. All of the childcare options I could find were substandard at best so my husband had to stagger his hours so he could pick up the slack. This lead to zero family time, tense family relations, career death because of family obligations, and a simple “change of the guard” between two people who were sharing a caregiver job and no longer a real marriage. If this arrangement would have gone on for another year, we would have probably ended in divorce with neither of us able to take care of our daughter decently. We certainly would not have had a second child. We actually sat down and made a family decision that since his career paid better than mine, I was the one to stay home and sacrifice a career and that would free him to get a better paid job and provide for our family.

This sacrifice is long term since I now have another daughter and have chosen to home school rather than send my children to the “Kiddie Kennel Care” that passes for our local public school with over 30 kids per class with stressed out teachers doing little more than barking basic German Shepherd commands at students and controling an increasingly disrespectful environment with language like, Shut up!

This situation is scarey for our country because most of the PS students are not equipped to enter the workforce with skills to take those high tech jobs requiring “higher order thinking skills”, advanced math and science and most of all a desire to learn and a work ethic. How can they be successful coming from a culture of such neglect? It is even scarier that they will have no relationship skills and will be more susceptible to all kinds of mental, emotional and physical illnesses that all stem from neglect, poor self esteem and non existent family nurture.

Raising and teaching my children is a full time job and if this country really values “traditional families” and the stable people that those healthy families tend to turn out, the politicians need to realize the need to adequately pay for the services of the full time adult needed to reach these goals. Without this realization, we will see the continuing pattern of people who are irresponsible or are on the fringes of society having more children while the highly educated (motivated) will choose to have fewer or none at all. Many of the most highly educated women will simply choose not to marry or have children at all, as Japan and other countries without good records of care for women and families have already found out with their plummeting birth rates.

Future engineers, computer programmers,research scientists, medical doctors, etc. don’t happen in a vacuum especially the type of vacuum that we are creating in this country. Look at the percentage of these types of jobs now being filled by recent immigrants and the family backgrounds of those recent immigrants. Most of them don’t come from a two parent working, stressed out family or a single mother trying to support children in a blue collar neighborhood with decaying public schools.

Helen

Helen

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October 30, 2007 at 7:54 pm by Anonymous

It is truly scary that in this country, in which politicians continuously pledge their “family Values”, women with children continue to be treated unfairly in the workplace.

I have worked my entire life, in fact have only stopped for 3 months after each one of my two daughters was born. My oldest has Asperger’s Syndrome. On top of the discrimination she will face her entire life for being different, and despite her very remarkable abilities, I endure a continuous fight just to get a workable work schedule that will accommodate taking care of my child.

Although I have never failed to meet a deadline, I face an uphill battle getting time off or getting my employer to understand that I need not be chained to my desk from 9 to 5 to get my work done and that I can work from home or at different hours. To make matters worse, I am looked down upon for failing to put in 12 hour days like the rest of the office. This is something my employer vehemently denies of course.

Most employers are afraid of allowing us to flex our time, fearful that others will complain. Even male bosses with children fail to understand that while they may have wives at home who dedicate their entire time to their children, most women have to work and also care for their families.

It is time we have some real legislation that will put some teeth into the lip service we have been given for so many decades. It is time we have paid time off to balance our lives and options on when and how to work.

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October 30, 2007 at 10:01 pm by Anonymous

I’ve been a single mom for a long time. I’ve seen politicians making promises, using us as their symbol of how kindhearted and compassionate they are, only to forget all about us once they are in office.

I’ve seen single parents used as a symbol of what’s wrong in our country by the “moral right” — we’re all sexually promiscuous, failing at raising our little hellions without the benefit of a second parent, and because of this, they say it is our children who make up the population in prisons.

I’ve seen us ignored when it comes to elections. Candidates don’t vie for the “parent vote” or the “single parent vote.”

I’ve seen — too many times over the years — where the government resources we may require to feed our children or take them to the doctor, are cut back, delayed during “lean” government budgets, or stripped away all together.

Whether we are working or not, we are all lumped into a category — second class, low rate and not really important in the grand scheme of things.

As an adult with children at home, I went to college. I graduated cum laude. It was hard, but worth it. I still struggle, live paycheck to paycheck, and pray my retirement plan will sustain me when the time comes.

I get paid once a month. My child’s health insurance is available to me through CHIP. Thank God. Or, I would be, like I have been at times in my life and like so many others, without health insurance.

Sometimes, food runs out before the end of the month. With rent, car insurance, astronomical utilities, high gasoline costs, student loans and all the other “have-to’s,” I have to be very, very creative with our food budget and our meals.

Back to school is a nightmare. I feel good if my son has a new pair of shoes and a new pair of jeans to start the year off. And Christmas? I never have any money to buy Christmas presents for my family and grown children. I spend what little I have on my child who still lives at home. And he is grateful, because he knows how hard it can be.

Yes, this is the United States and I am proud to be an American. We get by every month. I’m college educated. I have a job I love. But we have NO cushion and we are very close to the edge if anything major happens. Savings? ha! Heaven forbid if my car dies, because public transportation here is nearly non-existent.

Child support? Well, haven’t seen any in years. I’m working on that.

So, to wrap it up, we do the best we can. Believe it or not, we are happy. We’ve learned to live without a lot of extras. And that is OK. Education is stressed in our home. My son is an honors student. I teach him responsibility, not only for himself, but for his fellow man. That is the best I can do.

Just every once in awhile, it would be very nice if leaders would put families first, and not leave us single parent families out of the loop.

I’m not asking for a handout or for the government to support me. I just want SOMEONE up there in Washington to really look at how tough life can be out here when you don’t bring home a big paycheck.

Glenda

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October 30, 2007 at 5:30 pm by Anonymous

My husband and I are new parents. At age 45, we decided to take in 2 of the cutest little girls, 4 and 5, from the Foster Care system. I quit my job as a teacher in order to have these girls placed with us, and be a stay-at-home mom. The girls were legally adopted by us at the end of September. My husband continued to work, until he was laid-off after seven years on the job, a week after the adoption. His job is being out-sourced to a company in Portland, OR. We are lucky in that we have some savings, and can live off this for a short while. We live in an area where his specialty, graphic design, is not highly desirable. So what do we do now? Fortunately, the girls are covered under Medi-Cal and we don’t have worry about their medical costs. However, we have to pay $500.00 out of pocket monthly, for medical only. (Dental and vision are about $100.00 per month more.) More savings spent. It’s too bad we all can’t have good medical coverage like our daughters. We’re looking all over the country for a job for my husband, as our therapist has advised us it’s much too soon for me, mom, to return to work. We don’t want to move, our friends and families are here in California, however, it seems our only choice now. It’s already been a month and we are getting very nervous. We see lots of houses in our neighborhood with signs that say, “BANK OWNED.” I can only pray this doesn’t happen to us. These poor kids have moved all over the place since the age of 2 1/2, and now they may have to move again. However this time, it will be different because they are with us, their “forever family.” Still, it may cause more setbacks for them as they are just now making friends and building relationships in the community.

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October 30, 2007 at 5:22 pm by Anonymous

i have 3 children three and under. My husband and I decided when we had two children in daycare and my take home pay was two dollars per hour after daycare expenses, that I should stay home with the children with a net $80/week loss. Things were a little tight but manageable. Then I got pregnant again – after having my tubes tied. Then I broke my leg. Then I had the third baby. In the ensuing 9 months we tried to sell our house and found the slumping economy saw to it that we now owed more money than our house was worth, eliminating the possibility of downsizing. We live in a semi-rural area with little to no employment opportunities availible to me during my husband’s off hours. Our income, though well below the state average, was too high to qualify for any sort of assistance. So here we are swimming in mail from every collection agency known to man and begging for a tank of oil now that temps are below freezing at night. What do we do? THAT is scary. That is what keeps me up at night. I’d be more than happy to provide numbers if you need them.

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October 30, 2007 at 6:33 pm by Anonymous

I have 2 children and with my first child, I decided to have a home birth. Things went completely awry and my midwife had to transport me for an emergency caesarean. Unfortunaely I was tranported to a hospital that was not a “preferred provider” by my insurance company. Even though I had full coverage insurance through my job, my insurance company refused to cover $12,000.00 worth of my medical bills because they said the hospital was “overcharging” them. The hospital, in turn, claimed that I had to pay it because my insurance company was refusing. So in spite of the fact that I had full coverage health insurance, I got stuck with a $12,000.00 bill and an unsolicited education about the racket that is our health care industry. The birth of my son came with a huge debt. After 2 years of fighting, the hospital agreed to write it off if I came up with $4,000.00 all at once. I borrowed the money from my father.

Now I have 2 children and my partner and I are paying $1,320.00 a month for four days a week of day care. Our schools in Portland, Oregon are woefully underfunded and we are incredibly nervous about our children’s education.

Just this morning in the paper, there was an advisory fromt the DEQ warning that small children should not go outside to trick or treat due to the pullution in our air. Between money, education, and this toxic earth, I’m exhausted. Where in the heck is the legislation to correct all of this.

Tess

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October 30, 2007 at 10:29 pm by Anonymous

Last winter we had that awful ice storm the power was out for 3 or 4 days. It was considered a natural disaster in my area. It was the worst experience of my life! All of our food was spoiled and we had no heat for my newborn! My babysitter had no way to heat her bottles while i had a gas stove at home. I was at work (only because they had a backup generator no heat just computers mind you) as soon as i found out there was no way for her to eat there i asked my manager if i could either work double shifts through the night to cover the time i had to leave or if i could just leave for 10 min ever couple of hours to heat my daughters bottle and come back. I was told if i left i would be fired on the spot! Thank god my husbands work shut down and he called me right before i told that place just what i thought of them. How can i place care so little? It wasnt like i was just lazy or a bad worker i was one of the best workers they had and this was an extream situation! My poor baby had purple lips because she was so cold. My parents had to come pick her up and take her with them for the weekend since they had gas heaters. needless to say we are ready for whatever this winter has to offer!

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October 30, 2007 at 5:38 pm by Anonymous

Oh my gosh! What a heart-breaker! I applaud you for opening your heart and taking those children in. But what a kick in the pants for your husband to lose his job. My post is the one right on top of yours, and as I write this, I am unemployed. I had to make a choice between the job and my children, and of course I chose my little ones. I have three – twins (boy/girl) who are 5 and a 7-year-son. As I search thru the job listings, I am more and more disheartened. I don’t want to have to pay full-price for a couple of hours of daycare (don’t want to pay for any care at all), but I am not seeing many flexible options. My husband is working two full-time jobs right now and I enjoy working, but I shouldn’t have to make these choices. Nor should you and your family. You are in my prayers!

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October 30, 2007 at 8:22 pm by Anonymous

While traveling with my young children, I was quickly SCARED when they showed a completely inappropriate PG-13 movie (very violent) on an airplane and there was no way to cover their eyes since it was on the big screen and they were pretty young. For months, they had nightmares. I sent a note to the airline to complain. I also will only travel now with airplanes that have the small screen and not a large “common” screen for all to see.

This is so upsetting that airplanes and airports in America are so family “unfriendly”. I have tried so many times to get the bulk head seats to no avail. These seats are best adapted for a family with young children. They say that they are saved for handicapped and babies, but every flight I have ever been on, has no young babies or handicapped at those seats. I am sure there is a way to do that to accommodate families too.

Can we also talk about the air quality in a plane?
Domestic flights seem to deprive people of good oxygen, while international flights seem to be fine.

Traveling with young children can be fun, but no thanks to the airlines.
Posted by Nicole Abate Ducarroz, Sonoma, CA

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November 4, 2007 at 11:48 pm by Anonymous

I choose to stay home with my children because that is what I enjoy. Recently laid off and being a single mom, I found it extremely scary that the Department of Human Services would prefer I spend 40 hours/week on their “work first” program and actually help pay for others to watch my children. Here I am a mother who enjoys her children, wants to provide their love and care and our society would prefer to pay someone else to watch them while I spend all day learning stuff I already know. I am astounded and I honestly see this as part of the deterioration of our families. When someone is down, it’s the tendency to give them another swift kick, rather than a hand as they get up. I don’t need a hand out, but a hand up is nice.

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November 4, 2007 at 10:04 pm by Anonymous

As the parent of a food allergic child, I have learned more about food labeling than I ever wanted to know.

I am completely scared that even our good old Made in the USA food supply is filled with so many cheap filler ingredients-how about high fructose corn syrup? And soy lethicin? Or sodium caseinate, which in addition to being consumed in milk, is used in the manufacture of adhesives, binders, protective coatings, plastics (such as for knife handles and knitting needles), fabrics, food additives and many other products? We allow the farm lobby to pad their pockets at the risk of our health.

It is time for parents to really take note of what is going into our bodies and ask for healthy food to be more affordable.

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April 6, 2008 at 11:35 pm by Anonymous

Hello, This is a true and it is a story that I will treasure and love for my life.

When I was about 10, my grandmother died, you see, her favorite kind of bug was a ladybug, so, when I was at her funeral, I was crying, and sitting by my cousin. So, after a while, a little ladybug landed on my hand. I thought “that’s weird” but didnt think much of it. It sat on my hand and held on. then, it jumped to my cousin, on her hand. As I showed my aunt this, she thought it was odd. So, as my aunt held her hand out, the ladybug, just sat there on my hand not intending to move. So, as I blinked and the preacher said “amen” I looked, and the ladybug was gone, in a blink of an eye, and as I sat wondering what had happened, I heard a slight whisper saying “I will always love you” and then, for one second, a whif of My grandmother’s perfume. This story has always amazed me, and given me faith that, maybe after death, love for a human being, is stronger, and every once in a while, you can truly be with them, in a way, that no one can take away.

Love, T

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May 7, 2008 at 3:49 pm by Anonymous

I am with you on this one. I left my boyfriend, found out I was pregnant and had to go on assistance because I couldn’t work due to being a high risk pregnancy. They wouldn’t allow me to let him stay weekends to help out with our other son. I allowed him to stay anyways and then the cut me off of receiving benefits. I went into the office and told them, I think I would rather jeprodize my benefits then my pregnancy but since they thought they could control what I did than I told them maybe they should decide for me what was more important..Benefits or my baby !!! They didn’t like that. I cannot believe the gull some of the workers have.

I am in Canada and for a single mom with one child they give you 428/mth to pay rent, food, everyday necessities etc…WHAT THE HELL is that going to pay for. Rent alone is 1200 per month…….

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May 4, 2008 at 12:36 pm by san diego divorce

There are some rare stories of divorced couples even taking family vacations together. I know this is not the norm, but it does exists, it comes down to how badly each parent want to preserve their children’s memories of a united family.

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November 4, 2007 at 9:55 pm by Anonymous

In 1962 when I was pregnant with my first child, I had to go on bed-rest for six weeks during the first trimester. Though the doctor told me that restrictions were over, I was told not to return to work. Although I had been with the large corporation for over five years, I received no pay during my sick leave and no severance when I was told not to come back. My department head was then heard to say, “That’s the last time we hire a woman. They go off and get pregnant.” I had the second longest longevity in my department. It took two men to replace me. They each earned substantially more than I had earned. The company even fought my claim for workman’s compensation. They won. The end result was to turn me into an activist politicized feminist which I will remain as long as I live.

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November 9, 2007 at 9:51 am by Anonymous

Maybe I should say to whom it may concern. I am an angry, aggravated, disappointed, sad, ashamed and utterly a disgusted parent in today’s society.

America the home of the free, as you proclaim let freedom rein well let me tell you about freedom, I am a slave. Slave to my job, slave to my child, slave to the government for taking my taxes, slave to the state, slave to my child’s daycare/school, slave to those on welfare and those in the prison system.

Let me tell you why I am outraged. Lets start with my current situation of being a single mom who takes her responsibilities serious and actually has a career. Being a career woman is something I dreamed about as a young girl. Now that I have become a parent and have a young child under the age of 5, that dream is a reality.

Besides the normal expenses such as paying my mortgage, car, insurance, utilities, you cant forget childcare/school programs. Incase you haven’t noticed if you work full time and need a place that will teach and watch your child until they are ready to enter Kindergarten, you are looking at paying $1,080 a month. Oh don’t be scared or frightened, this is a serious epidemic.

Now Mr. America, can you explain to me how we have allowed this to occur. In the public school system in New York a child must know how to count, read, spell their name, know their colors, etc…before entering Kindergarten. So then why am I paying $1,080 a month when you expect my child to know this before entering Kindergarten? Don’t you think that should come out of your salary? If you figure that out for a year it comes out to $12,960 per year. Since you have to be 5 years of age to entire Kindergarten times that by 5 and there is a down payment on a house $64,800.

It has come to my attention, that I must be stupid, maybe a lil naïve and dumb because I do have a career and I work full time and support my child and myself. When why the hell not, go on welfare? Why not let you Mr. America and all tax payers pay me to sit on my bum watch TV all day, eat bon bons, call my friends, hang out at the park and on the stoop, go for long strolls with my daughter and just have the easy life and let all of America, including you Mr. America pay my way.

Having a career, I am able to have my independence, but have to answer to someone. On welfare I can just sit back and yell at the TV all day long and tell Oprah and Dr. Phil that I agree with them. With my career I make my own money, but live check by check because I cannot afford anything. On welfare, I don’t need a car I mean the park is down the block, the neighbors are 5 feet away, and friends they can taxi me around. In the business world I get to interact and meet people all day long and help them, but on welfare I can go up the block and do the same thing with the ladies.

This epidemic must change. I must be in denial thinking that having a career and trying to make it in today society as a parent whether single parent or not, it is a struggle to work and pay everything is the way to go. Shame on me for letting you Mr. America make me pay over a thousand dollars a month in day/school care for our future generations. It is absurd, sad, and really taking advantage of everyone that is in this situation.

Please be advised that if you want to right a letter, please do not unless you are sending a check to me and the rest of us working parents. There is no pat on the back, good job, or even a gold star that you have given any of us. All you give me is a weekly slap in the face when hundreds of dollars are taken out of my pay check.
Thank you, thank you for making me a more aware of how people truly struggle by doing the right thing in life… Then again I could be sipping a 40 on the street right now with the other ladies on welfare, but my daughter’s view of what a woman should be is more important than taking the easy road in life. I am proud of being a positive productive person, just wish you would take the leash off and really let me be free…

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November 7, 2007 at 12:57 am by Anonymous

…the idea of having to leave my new born baby at six weeks old to return to work. We now have FMLA and that allows SOME of us to wait until our babies are around 12 weeks old. That still scares the heck out of me!

We are the only industrialized nation that does not have a federal maternity policy …and I do not mean a few more sick days or lowering the requirements to qualify for FMLA, but real policy. Policy that allows mothers financial compensation and reasonable amounts of time off to have a child and start them off in this world. Policy that does put family first; policy that does place us as leaders in the global world.

It is scary to be a new mother, yet scarier to have to leave your new baby in the care of another. Nothing scaried me more for myself as a mother, nor saddens me more for the new mothers I know.

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July 7, 2008 at 8:52 pm by Ghost

When we moved into our house, we didnt expect anything weird to happen. By the way this is a true story.. My brother was barely a baby, and i was only four. We heard sotries of an old lady who died in what was soon to be my brothers’ room. But we we didnt mind. After a while, i made a new friend, but not from school or from some playground, it was the old lady. She would always play barbie with me, you know, those dolls that get annoying when you grow older because you always see their fricken commercials on television? I asked my mom what the ladys’ name was, thinking it was one of my moms’ friends. But she told me that none of her friends had come over that day. It repeated and repeated until i got a little older and ignored my barbies. Which was when my brother was barely starting to learn to walk. He couldnt get it right just yet. One day in the time my brother was learning to walk, my mom was doing some laundry. Then she heard a voice… “Go to the kitchen now..” it whispered. She ignored it, thinking it was just her mind telling her things. “GO TO THE KITCHEN!” it was loud this time, startling her. So she dropped her laundry and ran to the kitchen, where she had the fright of her life. My brother, who may i remind you, was just barely learning to walk, had picked up a knife that was facing his chest. He was about to fall! She picked the knife out of his hands and put it on the counter. We all know that the old lady who died had a liking to us. She saved my brothers’ life, and she played with me when i felt lonely. I just wanted to say thanks to her. I always expected ghosts to be violent and angry, but she showed me otherwise….

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November 6, 2007 at 1:22 pm by Anonymous

Hi. About 9 months ago I showed The Motherhood Manifesto to the members of the South Jersey Alice Paul Chapter of the National Organization for Women. I wear my MomsRising tee shirt proudly also. There are young mothers with children in our chapter, including some in leadership positions at the state level. There are also many older mothers. I personally had a very tough time just trying to raise my one and only child while both my husband and I worked long hours American-style. On top of that there were after school programs and summer camps I had to plan and pay for… Then my aging mother became my second child, and I had a nervous breakdown.

The South Jersey NOW chapter is very interested in the difficulties of motherhood in America. We feel strongly that like-minded organizations need to work together on this issue. We are hosting a program meeting in Moorestown, New Jersey, about the stresses of being a mother in a country that is slow to provide the help we need. There will be a short film followed by discussion. Please come and join us. This will take place on November 14 at 7 at Moorestown’s First Baptist Church (in the basement). For more information, please see our website at http://www.southjerseynow.org/ or email me at quinnma@rider.edu

Marilyn

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May 7, 2008 at 3:54 pm by Anonymous

I understand your frustrtation over the lack of care given these days. I went into the hospital hemmoraging, the doctor told me I was have a miscarrige and to just go home and wait it out.

I did as I was told.

About 2 weeks later I was back in the hospital again, I DID NOT HAVE A MISCARRIAGE !! I was still pregnant. You could only imagine the crying and pain I was in for 2 weeks thinking I had lost the baby…..WHERE THE HELL DO THEY GET THEIR CERTIFICATES TO BECOME DOCTORS.

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December 18, 2007 at 11:02 am by Brenda Caudill

Two young women that are relatives, have recently had a miscarriage. One had no insurance and had to wait hours in the waiting room clinic. The other young woman, upper middle class, with medical insurance.

The woman with no insurance who I took to the clinic said that she was miscarrying. They told her to go home, cramping and bleeding and was told to have the miscarriage natural. While I was there, I brought the subject up to the Doctor. I said my mother’s generation (80′s) had a D & C when she miscarried. My generation (50″s) was told the same thing they told my mother. They said it was best to have a D & C to make sure all tissue was cleaned out so you didn’t have to worry about getting an infection.

The other young woman with insurance was also told to go home and have the miscarriage naturally.

I admit I’m too cynical and I don’t trust what Doctors are saying and I don’t trust what the insurance says or does. I had 2 miscarriages which was emotionally traumatic. I can’t imagine going through it naturally.

I’ve tried to ask different doctors why they are doing it that way. They said miscaring naturally was safer and healthier.

Now, am I nuts, or are the insurance companies and the hospitals trying to get out of paying for a D & C? Are there any doctors or nurses that I could actually believe, tell me whats going on.

Sincerely, Brenda Caudill

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December 27, 2007 at 3:17 am by candii cane

a scary story that might even come true. never own a clown!

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November 12, 2007 at 12:51 am by Anonymous

My story is very similar to hundreds and thousands of other sad stories about families in America. I came to this country when I was 23 years old, full of dreams and ambitions. I fell in love with the many options that this beautiful and rich country could offer to me. But there was one very, very important issue that I have not seen when I started a new life here: the lack of family-friendly policies, the lack of paid maternity/paternity/family leave, and the lack of understanding how important it is for parents to be able to spend time with their newborn babies. I am 34 years now, a mother of a beautiful baby boy. My scariest days are far from being over. After a necessary (unwanted) C-section and 7 weeks at home, I had to return to work because my hospital bills have tripled and, although I always worked very hard (40-50 hours a week), I have never been able to save up enough to just pay cash right away for something that major. I am a very independent, proud woman who never relied on anybody or any aid out there. I have always been a financially responsible person; but now I am really struggling financially because I can only work part-time so I can spend quality time with my son. I feel that I was punished for having a child. I do not believe in sending my child to a daycare – I did not bring him into this World for others to raise him! I, as a mother would like to spend time with him, to be there for him when he starts walking, when he says his first word! We have to purchase our own not so good health benefits. Employers do not offer benefits to part time employees. Why is healthcare so costly here anyway? And if someone works part-time, that person still is an important asset to the organization, I imagine, otherwise why would the company keep her or him? I strongly believe that America has a lot to learn in this arena. I fought for paid maternity leave in the local newspaper, and one comment was: “don’t have a kid if you can’t afford it!” So, only wealthy people should have babies?! What kind of society are we trying to create for the future generation by not providing healthcare to families and children? Is this what we call a 21st century civilized society?

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November 12, 2007 at 11:37 am by Anonymous

I am a single mother of two boys, now ages 7 and 5. About 3 years ago, working as an analyst, I made a little over $10 per hour, and was still fairly dependant on the help I got from job and family services. Although I made too much for food stamps, I still received medicaid and subsidized day care (called Title 20 in Ohio). I received a 25 cent per hour raise that effectively made it impossible to survive. It put me over the income limit for the assistance I received, by about $10 per month, cancelling my daycare assistance. I went from having to pay $75/month to $250/WEEK. I also lost my healthcare, and had to discontinue several very expensive psych meds. I could not refuse the raise, and ended up loosing my daycare, and then loosing my job and having to go back on public assistance for about 6 months before I figured something else out. Unfortunately, I had no family or support system that could help. I only shared this because the “sliding scales” used to graduate people off of benefits seem to do this all too often, effectively denying ALL help over very slight adjustments in income to people who have been used to receiving assistance, leaving them with a very difficult decision to make. Will I make more working for a living, or would it be in my/my kids’ best interest to do whatever I have to so they can… get their medicine/keep their housing/daycare/etc…

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November 13, 2007 at 2:59 pm by Anonymous

My husband and I have never made earning big bucks a high priority. We’ve chosen careers that we’re passionate about and that contribute to making society better. My husband works in education, and I work for a non-profit publishing company. We’re both well educated and successful in our careers, but that doesn’t translate to an exceptionally high income. Before we had a child, our income just met our expenses. So when I got pregnant, it created a crisis, both a financial crisis and a time crisis. The financial crisis was obvious: we couldn’t live on one income, and even with both of us working, we had no extra money to pay for child care.
The time crisis arose because my company has no policy for maternity leave. This is shocking, because it’s internationally known as a family-values company and regularly publishes articles expousing such values. The only benefit I would get was what they had to provide legally according to the FMLA (which treats having a child as a disability). A colleague and I wrote a proposal to the board called “Putting Values Into Action: Why Instituting Parent- and Child-Friendly Policies Makes Good Ethical and Business Sense.” After having a brief meeting about it, the all-male, all over-60 board flatly denied all of our modest requests (extended leave, flextime, etc.). Their reason? “We didn’t have any of these benefits when we had children, and we made it just fine.”
I ended up quiting my job so I wouldn’t have to put my child in care at 6 or 12 weeks old (how ludicrous that this happens). I continued my job as a freelance, which meant that I did the same amount of work but with no benefits. With the reduced income, we have incurred significant debt. We have sold our home and moved across the country so my husband can earn a higher salary. I continue to have enormous angst about our debt, but I can earn the money eventually. I was willing to get in debt for a college education; I think it’s worth the debt to give my son a safe and loving babyhood at home.

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November 13, 2007 at 4:44 pm by Robyn Chittister

When becoming a parent, most people think of it as pregnancy – baby – child, etc. Over 40,000 children are adopted in the US each year. And for every child, there is a birthmother.
Birthmothers are giving the most selfless gift that they can for their children – a better life. Yet, too often, hospitals and health professionals do not understand adoption. Read some stories on adoption support group lists, and you will find:
- Hospitals that require birthmothers to see their babies when they don’t want to. Or hospitals that won’t allow birthmothers to see their babies.
- Hospitals that will not give the baby to the adoptive parents, even with a court order, and force the birthmother be discharged with the baby, whom she must then place in the arms of the adoptive parents in a parking lot.
- Nurses and social workers who try to convince birthmothers that adoption is not the right choice, going so far as to say that placing a child is selfish.
- Nurses and doctors who ignore the birthmothers because they are not really the parents of the babies.

Our birthmom was put in a hospital bed, told to stay in bed all day long, without any food or drink. A doctor came in twice. She was induced at 5am, and at 9pm they said that maybe she should push. After an hour, despite the facts that no progress was being made, that the pain medication was wearing off, and she was BEGGING for a C-section, they made her push for another hour. When they started prepping for the C-section, she was left in the bed crying and begging for more pain medication. The baby was placed in the NICU, and only our birthmom’s mother was allowed in, and then only for a few minutes. Our birthmom was too wiped to see the baby, but the hospital wasn’t going to let her do so anyway. Our son spent his first 20 hours in the NICU, alone, without being held. The nurse said, “We don’t like to handle them.”

On the other side of the coin, there are adoptive mothers. Although insurance companies are required to provide health coverage for adopted children just as they would for biological children, many do not. We were lucky that our claim was accepted. Many adoptive parents find that their claims are denied because, for the first 3-7 days of life, the child isn’t legally theirs. This is a parenting issue more than just a “mom” issue, but it needs to be addressed. While in the hospital, adoptive moms are often treated as though they are vultures, swooping in to steal a child from its mother. No one gives a thought to this woman, who may have been waiting years to become a parent.

We need to have guidelines for hospitals – what to do in adoption situations and how to treat the parties involved with respect.

Maybe this isn’t a crisis, but I find it scary that so little attention is paid to adoption, especially that nobody seems to be able to treat birthmothers as regular mothers.

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November 13, 2007 at 4:54 pm by peggy kasper

How can people just say we can’t help you because your case is to old,the children’s are all above age and if they want you they will find you.I believe that is a crock because their is families out here who is looking and searching and the children’s prombling don’t even know they where adopted. like my nephew he went to the courthouse and the courthouse told him they didn’t have nothing on this family at all then he was told your family must of move or they ae dead. so image oher children being told that. so someone in the government or legistrators or someone need to help these families now instead of saying they can’t thank you peggy

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November 14, 2007 at 1:26 pm by Dawn Simpson

As a fellow single-mother and full-time career woman, I understand your points and I think they are good ones. However, some of your descriptions and statements are very derogatory toward women on welfare. Being on welfare is not always “the easy road in life”, as many of these woman have tried to make ends meet and found it impossible to do so without assistance and live with daily shame for accepting assistance even though it is the only way they can support their families. Without an education or substantial job-training, it is almost impossible to make enough money to support a family as a single parent with children in daycare. Let’s not forget that we are all in this together and insulting and stereotyping each other won’t help.

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November 14, 2007 at 2:08 pm by Emma Sutton

I am one of the lucky ones. I am an owner of my company, with very supportive partners. I was able to take 3 months off when each of my 2 children were born, then work part-time ever since while still retaining full benefits. As a result, my partners have my undying loyalty. I could earn more elsewhere, but flexibility is worth far more than a higher paycheck to me.

I don’t understand why all businesses in America don’t realize that offering flextime, the ability to use sick leave to care for a sick child, and the option to telecommute all make good business sense. Hiring and training employees is expensive – why not do everything you can to retain the ones you already have, by making the workplace family friendly? I am proud that my company allows all of the above, and I feel like we are repaid many times over by employee loyalty.

The other thing that appalls me (besides our country’s insane lack of family-friendly business policies) is the state of health care in America. Why on earth doesn’t every business in the country rise up and DEMAND national health insurance? That is a subsidy that businesses everywhere else in the developed world get. US businesses must decide to either do the right thing at tremendous cost, or screw the people who work for them, AND their families. We need a national program to make sure that EVERY person has access to health insurance. We brag about how great our medical system is, and it is – for a very small elite few. Millions have nothing. I would happily pay higher taxes if every man, woman and child in America could have access to proper medical care.

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November 14, 2007 at 10:25 pm by kelly

I HAD TO QUIT MY 17YR CAREER BECAUSE AMERICA DOESNT MAKE BEING PARENTS EASY. I GOT FIRED FROM A JOB I WORKED FOR 8YRS BECAUSE MY OLDEST WAS ILL WHEN BORN BUT I STILL CAME TO WORK TEN HOURS A DAY. WHHEN HER TONSILS BURST AT AGE 3 I NEEDED TWO WEEKS OFF. I HAD 12 DAYS FOR LEAVE BECAUSE I TOOK TWO EXTRA DAYS I WAS FIRED. I GOT A NEW JOB IN MY FIELD. TWO YRS AGO OUR SECOND CHILD WAS BORN. DAYCARE FOR TWO WAS MY WHOLE PAYCHECK PLUS TWENTY WE DIDNT HAVE SO I HAD TO QUIT TO TAKE OF THE CHILDREN BECAUSE IT WAS TO EXPENSIVE I LOVE MY KIDS AND LOVE BEING WITH THEM. BUT SHOULDNT WE HAVE THE CHOICE AND NOT BE FORCED TO STAY HOME. THEY ALL SAY WE ARE FOR FAMILY IN THE GOVERMENT PROVE DO SOMETHING TO HELP US BE MOMS AND WORKERS GOVERMENT SAYS THEY DONT WANT FAMILIES LIVING OFF WELFARE FOREVER THEN GIVE US ANOTHER REALISTIC OPTION

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November 16, 2007 at 12:52 am by Michelle Tolle

Hi, I also wanted to share the opposite of a scary story- it could have been better- like moms in England who get 6 months, but I know I was extremely fortunate. I had been with my company about 5 years when I got pregnant and I live in California which fortunately has FMLA and PFL so I was able to take about 9 weeks off and integrate my benefit time from my company with the ‘disability’ pay so I got full pay. My husband was also able to take a couple weeks off with PFL.

When I came back to work part time, at first I brought my baby and gradually worked back up to full time. I breastfed in my office and my co-workers were really supportive of having my baby there (it probably helped that he was (is) an angel!) So I didn’t have to leave him in someone else’s care until he was nearly 4 months. That was hard enough on me I don’t know how it would have been if I had to do that at 6 weeks!! I continue to pump at work and have a flexible enough schedule to work around childcare hours.

Although I can hardly complain about my situation- it could have been better, in America we should have more time with our children, especially mothers (or fathers) who are starting off without a partner. It’s so different from company to company and state to state and even within companies. For instance in our company how much benefit time you can take depends on how much you have accrued at the time of the leave- so if your leave happens to fall at the end of your benefit year, you can only take what ever benefit time you have left. The policy really should be standardized and the leave should be more heavily subsidized so companies like mine ( a non-profit) don’t have to nickel and dime the lengths of the leaves and worry about extending too much paid time off and having the woman not return to work. For so many families who are working so hard make things right for their children, the situations are just sad and maddening. Clearly we need more mothers to be politicians… but then way too much would get done in DC… now that’s a scary thought!

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November 24, 2007 at 1:34 am by Sally

Hi Ladies,
This is an interesting article:
http://www.motherjones.com/news/qa/2004/11/10_400.html#comments_top

Why should life be so stressful? We are smart enough to make a better life for everyone in our “super” country. Super is as super does…

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November 26, 2007 at 2:43 pm by Anonymous

To the anguished mother above, please don’t take out your anger at the system
on those who are further down the food chain than yourself; those welfare mothers
you so vehemently disparage. I don’t know of any welfare mother who is allowed
to “sit on her butt all day long and watch TV” in recent years, as you put.
Have you not heard of “welfare reform”? Those mothers work just as hard as
you do, being told that they can aspire to be where YOU are, except no one is
telling them OR YOU, for that matter, that it is all a big sham, designed to pit
hard-working career mothers like yourself against other types of mothers.
I don’t know who specifically you are addressing with “Mr. America”, but
mythical “Mr. America” doesn’t give a rat’s ass about you or anyone else until it
hits him directly, then you’ll see the fur fly in indignation. I suggest getting involved
politically as often as you are able, and maybe you’ll enact some change somewhere down the road. Maybe with your skills, you can go into business for
yourself, as you sound very adept and educated? You are a force to be reckoned,
give the REAL enemies something to fear!!

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November 26, 2007 at 3:01 pm by Anonymous

Sister Single Mom: I understand your outlook completely. Many years ago, I was
also a new mom who was laid off from my job and I had to turn to welfare.
I rationalized I had no reason to be ashamed of myself, and realized that if there
were no other safety nets available to assist a family, then I had every right to
take from the public coffers, especially if I lived a decent, respectful life, etc.
I am a welfare activist of late, even though I am on disability from two types of
cancer and am now an empty-nester. Like you, I am also appalled at the way
welfare workers and officials have no concept that poor (and other) women are
mothers who also are entitled to a choice whether or not to stay home with their
children. The going attitude is, “If you’re a middle-class mother, it’s okay
to stay home with your children, but if you’re not, you need to be a ‘role model’,
and show your kids what a ‘real’ mother is”. Kind of schizoid, if you ask me.
I fought tooth and nail to be able to stay home with my children while I was
on welfare, and sometimes I had to resort to some subversive methods to throw
them off the track, sometimes though temporarily until I could scare up a real job. Talk about a “Cat and Mouse” game! I suggest checking out a women’s
poverty newsjournal I sometimes contribute to: Mother Warriors Voice from
Milwaukee WI. It’s online and you can tell Pat Gowens, Editor, Lillian sent you!

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November 26, 2007 at 3:46 pm by Anonymous

I feel like I am being punished and, frankly, discriminated against, because I want to work part-time now that I am a mother. My child was born 18 months ago and it has taken that long for me to fight to keep my good job and go part-time. It has been a huge struggle to fight to keep my job in my “employee-friendly” business (clinical reference laboratory) and it should not have to be. I almost quit to go to another company which would give me the part-time hours that I need. Only then did my administrators decided to do a “job-share” for me, which is wonderful, however, they have yet to hire anyone so that I can move to the part-time hours. It has been over six months waiting now since they agreed to let me go part-time. And, when raise time came around a month ago, I received the very minimum amount, which is well below what I have received during the past four years. We will see. What is happening to families in America? This is crazy.
-Waiting to be a proper mother and still have some income.

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November 26, 2007 at 3:55 pm by Anonymous

A lot of our food is filled with chemicals to keep it from rotting on the shelves. Basically, embalming it like a dead body, as an analogy. There are a lot of fillers as well; these fillers are not food. They have no nutritional value, and many are very unhealthy. Fillers are like adding a bunch of pebbles to lentils so that it looks like you are buying more lentils than you actually are. It is a rip-off.

Please, Fellow Americans, do some research and learn about what you are really putting in your childrens’ mouths.

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November 27, 2007 at 12:16 pm by Anonymous

I guess this isn’t too scary, well maybe…considering the fact that this is the response I got when I asked HR how we can utilize our time off and FMLA since we don’t have maternity leave. This is the response:

“I would not exactly say that we do not have a maternity leave…. We do make you apply for FMLA which allows 12 unpaid weeks of leave, but our agency policy extends that by 4 weeks, so you could actually take up to 16 weeks unpaid. However, that runs congruently with your paid time off, so if you have been saving your sick time you could have paid maternity leave. When you go out on leave you should use your sick time first, then personal time, then vacation time and you should complete your timecards in advance if possible. In addition to that, NYS disability will pay $170.00 a week for up to 2 weeks prior to the birth and 6 weeks post partum. However, they will not pay you the $170.00 while you are receiving sick pay, but they will start to pay you when you go into your personal and vacation time. While you use the sick time they will reimburse Liberty the $170.00 and then when you return from leave we will reimburse you back a portion of your sick time. FYI, you do not get holidays while on leave and you can’t use accrued sick time until you return from your leave”

So, if I dont’ use any sick time from now until my baby is born I can take a whole 3 weeks off and they call that maternity leave. No, it’s sick time and it’s cruel to make me come in sick in order to have time off with my baby. And if the baby gets sick, what do I do?

Ridiculous!

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October 30, 2007 at 5:07 pm by Anonymous

I live in the Columbus, Ohio area and our daycare for two small kids is $630 bi-weekly. This is very inexpensive relative to our other options. In the summer, when my older two are out of school, it jumps to $1230 bi-weekly. During the summer, the daycare bill is larger than my or my husband’s take-home pay. Overall, daycare costs us $26,700 a year. I have to laugh every time I see that $6K child care deduction on our tax forms. If anyone can tell me where to find safe, nurturing full-time childcare for that amount (in this country) – I will move there!

- Alice Smith, Reynoldsburg, OH

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October 30, 2007 at 4:43 pm by Anonymous

OMG!!! I’m *right* in the midst of arranging child care for my 2 month old and my 2 year old. I am a teacher who convinced my principal to let me and another teacher jobshare a fifth grade classrooom. So I work only 1/2 a day. I’m looking for a home day care and almost all the people I contact will charge me for a full time spot even though my children will attend half time. I get paid (after taxes/dues) $350 a week and *the cheapest* child care I can find is going to cost us $200 a week. We already don’t make enough money. This is soooo stressful and just not right. Like many of you I don’t know what we are going to do…Well, I guess I have to work full time to make enough money to pay someone else to be with my children all day??!! That’s just doesn’t make any sense. Families *ne*e*d****h*e*l*p!!

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October 31, 2007 at 2:21 pm by Anonymous

An Au Pair provides 45 hours of child care a week. They cost about $15,000 a year and you get someone else helping with laundry and dishes while exposing your kids to different cultures. Unlike daycare they will only have your baby to care for while the older kids are at school.
They will learn your parenting style, too.
-Lori

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October 30, 2007 at 11:47 pm by Anonymous

I’ve been reading these posts from everyone about the cost of daycare and the stress parents feel about being away from their children and unable to look after their homes, and I am really wondering….isn’t it possible to decrease costs and have one parent stay at home…or for parents to take turns, or do part-time daycare only? What about parent co-ops where you take turns watching a group of kids? Surely the solutions involve creating more family time, not less. I spent a long time in school preparing for my career, and my career has slowed down drastically since my son was born a year ago. But I’ve looked after him at home for a year by trading off with my husband and my retired father, by working weird hours, and by being okay with the slow-down. It’s been hard, but it would have been harder to send him off to daycare everyday and not get to know him. My love my job, and am committed to it even more because its flexibility has allowed me this precious and irreplaceable time with my son.

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October 30, 2007 at 1:54 pm by Anonymous

We are also in the DC area and the cost for a week of daycare when both my 5 year old and 18 month old were there was $515 a week. I’d get my paycheck and turn around and hand over most of it to the daycare as I’m an office administrator. The only reason we come even close to making ends meet is my husband.

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October 30, 2007 at 1:43 pm by Anonymous

when my son was in daycare, I couldn’t aford it even though it was the cheapest one, so I kept paying less on my utility bills and juggling which ones I paid until that year was over and he could start kindergarden, whew I left that year on payment plans with the utility companies until they finally got paid off
Mary
austin texas

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October 30, 2007 at 1:24 pm by Anonymous

I don’t really have a story, except that I just realized that our daycare costs next year (aftercare for a kingergardener, full-day preschool for our 3-year old, and daycare for our expected baby) will be in excess of $22,000!!! Our income is low six figures, and we are already struggling now in the expensive DC metropolitan area. It also wouldn’t make sense financially for either of us to leave our jobs, especially when you think about retirement, health benefits, and the need to save for college. We can deduct $5,000 per year on our taxes for childcare, but that’s really a drop in the bucket. The really scary thing is that the daycare and preschool we’ve chosen are relatively cheap!

I’m not sure what we’re going to do…it may involve a second job for one or both of us (but how to do that if we’re already both working full-time, raising 3 kids, and supposedly keeping our house in shape?). Why is it such a struggle to stay middle class and to provide for my kids the same things that my parents gave me?

Eve

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October 30, 2007 at 5:01 pm by Anonymous

I’ve been through the childcare and health care grinder with my two kids, but as an educator, the thing that scares me most is the state of education in our country. Teachers struggle to teach large classes full of kids with learning and emotional problems or broken families. I’ve seen junior high school children who couldn’t read and didn’t know that there are 12 inches in a foot. I’ve seen 6th graders who couldn’t write a one-page report. We are willing to spend billions of dollars a day to kill Iraqis, but we can’t afford books for our classrooms?

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November 1, 2007 at 9:54 am by Anonymous

When my husband and I moved, I was confident that I would find a great job. I had a bachelor’s degree in a fast-growing field and I felt very hirable. However, when I did take a job some seven months later, it paid barely above minimum wage. I took it because I found out I was pregnant and a friend offered me the job. It was great for a while. I had free healthcare, a gas card and a wonderful boss. I had unpaid maternity leave, but my job was protected. I brought my daughter back to work with me.

The management changed hands. My new supervisor threatened to hit my child. I was given a week to find daycare, and it cost 50% of my paycheck even though the provider’s rates were extremely low. Eventually, the gas card was taken away. My hours were cut. The woman who was watching my daughter went back to work so I had to find another provider.

Like many NYS registered providers, I had to put down a deposit. I had to pay for daycare even if my child was unable to attend if she or I were sick, but I no longer had paid sick days. My hours were cut to two days one week, one day every other week. However, because I had to give a month’s notice to the daycare before changing my schedule, I still had to pay for the extra day. After paying for daycare, I was making $2/hour before figuring out the expenses of getting to and from work, sick days, medication, etc.

I made a doctor’s appointment one day because we were both sick, and because I couldn’t afford a copayment for both of us, one of us went. We got to the drug store to fill the script and found out my insurance was being turned down. Nobody at the insurance company knew why. It was apparently turned down because the premium was unpaid. I was finally able to get through to my supervisor, who finally told me Nobody bothered to tell me. The script cost more than what I made in two weeks.

I quit that day. The premium was never paid. I received no notice for COBRA. There was no reimbursement. I had to set up a payment plan for the medical bills. We were without health insurance from January until October because my husband’s employer made no contributions toward the insurance. It would have cost more than what I made in that year to insure us. I ended up being a stay at home mom because with the jobs available in the area, I would spend just as much on daycare as I would if I were working if not losing money.

Also while at that job under the same supervisor, I was constantly told I needed to wean my child, I was not allowed to pump or breastfeed on breaks in my own office, I was told to only accept or make calls from the daycare provider during breaks (though I was only called if something was wrong), that I needed to stop coming in late even if the daycare provider was not at the daycare site yet and that I needed to be a stay at home mom or stop missing days due to daycare woes, and let’s mention again that she threatened to hit my child! What wasn’t important, apparently, was that this woman was sick all the time, constantly arrived late/left early, brought her dog(s) to work with her, would take personal trips during work hours, spent hours on Myspace, internet games and dating sites and checking her personal email, and I spent all of my time doing all her work.

My husband lost his job after 7 years of service. Despite the fact that we had NO income for nearly a month, we were unable to qualify for more than WIC and $4/month in food stamps, ineligible for Medicaid and many other public assistance programs because he made too much at his previous job to qualify. We found out later that there must have been some sort of error in the calculations, but not until he had been unemployed for three months. We got our groceries from food pantries and WIC. Unemployment covered our mortgage but didn’t make his car payment, the utilities, the medical bills and doctors’ visits, pay for prescriptions, groceries, random expenses that come up, school taxes, credit card payments, etc. It’s not like we were living large and should have cut back on a few things.

We have health insurance again, and my husband is working. Still, I’m terrified that pre-existing medical conditions and lapses in insurance coverage will come back to haunt us. We’re in the process of refinancing everything we’re making payments for (mortgage, school loans, car payment, credit cards, whose bills rose astronomically while we were both not working).

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October 31, 2007 at 9:25 am by Anonymous

I am a year into a Divorce with Deadbeat Dad from Hell. Although he is court ordered to pay half of the daycare costs for our 4 yr old and 17 month old, when he chooses not to do so, he can just not give me the money. Child support is taken out of his paycheck, but since the daycare money was ordered by supreme (divorce court) when he stops paying I have to pay my laywer $250 a hour to drag him to court. He then pays the money he owes and they threaten him with Jail the next time he does it. He never suffers. I meanwhile have to Lay out the money so I can continue to work, so I can pay my mortgage on the house he is trying to get from me, while he pays nothing towards the house. I am falling farther and farther into debt with my family and friends, who thank God are the pillar of my life. The daycare I use is the only I can afford, and though its not much to look at, the caregivers are dedicated and loving. Why does it take so much to have courts demand that spouses who give up and walk out still support us. Why do I have to struggle and work harder and see my kids less, while the loser parent enjoys the snails pace of the family court system. Why do judges ignore the fact that he has spent 15,000 on laywers, yet can’t give me $100 a week towards daycare. Why can’t I talk to the judge myself and tell it like it is, without the legal bull that has to precede any proceedings. The best advice I have gotten is to let the house go into foreclosure, enjoy my kids and start over finacially. To give up all the work I did to own a home by the time I was 30…without a husband…to keep him from getting half of my kids future.
Single Moms need help.
Barb@pearlmgm.com

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October 31, 2007 at 10:01 am by Anonymous

About 17 years ago, I had a really scary boss….the type that would make the hair on the back of your neck go up! Anyway, this evil witch treated me so terribly when I got pregnant that she tried to FIRE me in the 7th month of my pregnancy. I found out and consulted a lawyer!

To make a very long story short….I got the maternity leave I wanted, a great part-time job in another area of the company, and then I “retired” so my husband could persue a career away from the NYC metropolitan area.

My ex-boss resigned in disgrace, committed fraud within the company, was the subject of an FBI investigation, and I have stayed home to raise two kids in a less-expensive area of the USA. It is hard at times, but my new identity has enabled me to really raise my kids, not just drop them off at expensive day-care. We have quality time together!

I was lucky….women should never have to choose the way I did!

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October 31, 2007 at 8:39 pm by Anonymous

With the news about lead in toys, Bisphenol A in plastic baby bottles, and chemicals galore in cleaning products, shampoos and cosmetics, I am very concerned for the health of my daughter and all of our children. So many children today have asthma, allergies, developmental delays and worse… As a parent I’m so frustrated that these potentially dangerous products are allowed on the markets and in our homes. And I’m relatively well-infored, but as a busy mom, I don’t have time to research everything we come in contact with. Shouldn’t someone be keeping us safe?

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October 31, 2007 at 5:52 am by Anonymous

I grew up in America, and travelled around a fair bit abroad with a backpack. By the time I got pregant my husband and I had just moved to England. Over and over, I’ve found myself so glad that we did. Almost every brush I’ve had with the American medical and insurance industry has been hair-raising, and I feel so much for people in the US who have to deal with it all the time.
My daughter and I went back to visit the US this last summer, and she got a splinter in her foot at a BBQ. When we couldn’t get it out and she clearly very bothered, I took her to an outreach hospital in Connecticut on a Sunday. We waited hours, and had to see numerous people who all did check ups that had nothing to do with the direct problem (cynically, I think perhaps they were covering themselves and incidentally, adding to the bill). Finally someone came to do the actual procedure of tweezing the splinter out following a jab of Novocain. The bill for this visit to remove a tiny wood splinter in a 4-year old’s heel was almost $1,500. We are still unsure of what kind of settlement will be achieved.
People ask us if we ever want to move ‘home’. I believe the home where I grew up is gone. I would be afraid to raise my daughter and any future child there. I’m so sorry that I really mean that.
-Jenny Bew Orr

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November 1, 2007 at 2:02 pm by Anonymous

When my daughter was born I worked for a nationally accredidated child care center. My daughter was not allowed at the center nor could I afford it. I was forced to quit my job. We now struggle on only my husbands salary. We are forced to buy groceries and pay for my daughters doctors bills with our credit card. Our co-ppay keeps getting higher and higher at 30 bucks a pop is ridiculus!

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November 1, 2007 at 10:02 am by Anonymous

I want to share a story that started really well but is headed for a scary ending. I work in a church and my current employer is GREAT about family policy. I was hired 8 months pregnant and my family and I moved into church-provided housing AND were given health insurance 2 months before I started working for the church. In effect, I was given maternity leave before I’d even worked a day. That was phenomenal. I had the baby and started working 2 months later. My hours are flexible, I can work often from home, and my kids come with me to work some of the time. All this in a small church with only a handful of employees. It IS possible to treat families well. The scary ending is this…my current job is ending and I’ve accepted a new position without healthcare (the new church can’t afford it). Employer-provided healthcare is getting so expensive that small business and institutions often can’t provide the healthcare their employees so desperately need. And no one in the government (or anywhere else) is picking up the slack. I have health coverage for another two months. After that, my 4-year old and 2-year old, not to mention my spouse and I, won’t be covered. THAT is scary.

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October 31, 2007 at 7:18 pm by Anonymous

Remember the good old days whe we could go door to door trick or treating without worrying about who was putting what in our treat bags? Well the good news is………there has NEVER been a reported case of a child being poisoned from Halloween candy!!!! Let’s lighten up and let the kids enjoy a sense of community as we did as kids. The media has blown things out of proportion to scare us and it worked for the most part. Most people are kind………let’s not forget that!!!!

Happy Halloween

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October 31, 2007 at 12:26 pm by Anonymous

I had my son before I finished college and I worry that I won’t be able to pay off all my student loans and still save enough money for him to go to college. I am worried that good schools and higher education is becoming out of reach for so many Americans and my family may be affected.

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October 31, 2007 at 9:07 am by Anonymous

I’ve been a Mom for over thirty years – both as a full – time working mom and a stay-at-home mom. There is not much I haven’t had to deal with, because I take being a Mother seriously, and the job is only a challenge if you decide to do the work. Being a Mother is the single, Most Important job on Earth, and by that I mean to include every single Mother of every culture and country in the whole spectrum of Humanity that inhabits this Earth. Given that we are birthing and raising the entire continuation of Humanity, Mothers & Grandmothers are the only ones truly qualified to make policy and direct laws. No one else has a true reference point of what would be best in any and every real life situation.

Thank – you for this site & I will be honest – if I had even a few free minutes this morning, I would write you a couple of horror stories, but I have breakfast to cook for kids getting out the door to the school bus, lunches to pack, a sick relative I am caring for who needs their medicine, a plumber to track down to help me deal with a hot water tank that sprung a leak last night & flooded the downstairs bathroom while I was at a community town hall meeting casting a vote for an issues that will affect our town for generations to come, and I have to make payment arrangements for a utility bill I can’t pay on time because I had to use the money I had set aside for the bill to buy a book my high school son needed that was required for an online college class he takes to excel in hopes of getting into the University he has goals of going to….and I have to figure out how on earth to explain to the folks who are expecting to drop by at noon that this isn’t a good day after all to have a potluck lunch to discuss the needs for the town’s library & we will need to cancel – again, or have our meeting while they help me & my kids rip wet carpet and sheetrock ruined by the water leak. Do I worry about health care and policies – sure, but worry only hurts us women – We function best when we ACT – when we find solutions and pull together and support one another.

If all the women banded together to make policy, stop the wars, feed the People, care for ourselves, our families and the planet – Humanity would be instantly hopeful and on its way to a better future.

Thanks for starting Moms Rising…..It’s about time we Moms rise up, speak up, stand up, and put our words, power, and wisdom to the best possible use. There is strength in numbers….it’s time to use that strength – as we already do all the work anyway.

You’ve heard the old adage that “Behind every good man there is a good woman” ??

Well, Mothers….let’s get behind eachother instead of trying to change the world through backside of the men….let’s stand side by side one another and open our mouths and tell life like it really is for us. Let us Stop letting others talk for us, vote for us, tell us what we like, want and need to do the Most Important Job on the face of the Earth.

WE are the only ones who have a truthful reference point of what we need.

What on earth will happen if we take the next step….and be outspoken – instead of silently dealing with it all….day after day?

It can be the best thing we ever do for ourselves and our families – but for now, please excuse me – the phone is ringing, my cookies for the bake sale are almost done, and one of the kids just handed me a note that says I need to pick up a neighbor lady whose car won’t start & take her sister’s house so she can get her to take her to her Doctor’s appointment.

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October 31, 2007 at 2:05 am by Anonymous

as a result of budget cuts to higher education (scary!!) My husband was fired five years ago
and when he finally able to get a job 14 months
later due to depression and then switching fields, he took a $20,000/yr. cut. I was a stay home mom for 2 1/2 years and had to find work pdq. Now six years later I’m losing my once, but no longer, kid friendly job due to cuts. I am starting a certificate program to enhance my years of managerial and project experience, but it’s going on a card. All I can do is be determined to finish quickly and pray for a flexible job that will allow me to be a mother to my 5 & * year old daughters. My husband has never been much of a father. Now he’s “Uncle” Dad and I’m left to do everything and work too.
As someone else said, I’m the only buffer between my kids and the big bad world and their only source of true support and unconditional love. I’m being forced to do it all and barely “half-baked” at that. I don’t like taking the meds I do, just to be able to stay a little bit sane and be able to cope. This is one messed uo society!

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October 31, 2007 at 2:11 pm by Anonymous

I lived for 2 years as a single mom of 2 school age girls. I am now happily remarried. But hey, happy marriage with two stable well employed parents does not fix child care issues.

What is scary is that the Middle School, vacation, and summer care is ridiculously expensive or non-existent in my northern Chicago suburb.

After school is great in my suburban chicago area until 5th grade.

There is no Afterschool for 6,7,8 graders in my school district. What am I going to do with my daughter after school next year when she is in 6th grade? This is scary!!!! Middle school kids are falling falling through the cracks.

In high school, sports, clubs, longer school days, jobs and age allow for easier afterschool accomodations. But I am sure moms are dealing with issues similar at this age level too.

Also the summer camps, the nice ones and even the not so nice, often run from 9:30 to 3:30 or until 4pm!!! So the already expensive becomes even more so when you add the before and after care. I found ONE camp that was reasonably priced and actually actually covered 9 to 5 with no extra fees. I signed my kids up for it for 2 years. It was a great staff but a lousy facility. I felt guilty. But there was no way I could or can afford $6000 for what amounts to 8-10 weeks of summer care.

I still can’t afford it, and now I have 3 step sons. And my daughters are sick of the camp and want to do something more interesting. AAARG! but I don’t blame them.

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October 31, 2007 at 1:44 pm by Anonymous

I have a T-shirt that says “You Can’t Scare Me, I’m a Teacher.” I wear it every Halloween. What does scare me, however is the low priority that our children’s education is receiving. I live in Florida, which is now 49th in a recent study that labeled some schools as “dropout factories.” (Education Department data conducted by Johns Hopkins for The Associated Press, 2007)

At the five year mark I quit teaching. According to the National Education Association, I was right on schedule. When I was teaching Exceptional Student Education it was common knowledge that most ESE teachers actually reached burn out within about two years, and these employees were among the hardest to replace. As with regular education, each year more special education teachers leave teaching than enter the profession, meaning that each year begins with a deficit of teachers needed to fill positions left open from both growth and attrition.

According to the National Commission on Teaching & America’s Future (NCTAF), one-third of teachers leave the profession within the first three years, and half of all teachers quit within five. This statistic has remained basically the same for decades, since the early 1960’s.1 However, the problem has now become so crucial that for the first time in history, more teachers are leaving the workforce then are entering.

As a public school teacher of “emotionally handicapped” students, I taught students with behavior problems and/or psychological disorders that kept them from being in a regular education setting. I was assigned kindergarten through fifth grade, all in one classroom at the same time. Overwhelming, but I have to say that I loved working with these students. They were characters who, due to biology or environment, were trying to survive in the only ways that they knew.

It was normal to have students swear, hit, and throw chairs across the room. I have been called names that defy visualization. I have been spit on, punched in the face and yes, even peed on. I have taken away knives and bullets, found evidence of a gun and wrestled violent students to the ground. I have had to press charges and send children to the crisis unit when psychological disorders turned violent. I’ve had students hallucinating in class, go through drug withdrawal and found notes like the one that said, “Today you die.” I’ve had an eight year old bring drugs from home so that he could commit suicide in class, the one place where he felt cared for.

Then there are the learning disorders that I spent hours researching in order to understand how to help my class of students, at six different grade levels, when all but one student was functioning below grade level. Since the guidance counselors and school psychologists dealt purely with testing, there was very little active support.

Interestingly, most teachers do not state student behavior as the main reason they quit. (National Center for Education Statistics, 2004) In a mainly female work force, there is also the financial devaluation. In the time between 2000 and 2005 when I worked in the school system, my take home pay was slightly over $500 per week, roughly $27,000 yearly at my highest point. I was constantly confused by the discrepancy between what the nation declared was the average teacher salary. The reported $40,000 to $50,000 average teacher pay just did not make sense.

The inflated advertised pay schedule comes from the addition of optional insurance and retirement, which were added in to the projected salary. Insurance, I might add, which was too costly to add my children to. We remained under the poverty line and my children qualified for insurance through the state. In addition, my pay was so low as a teacher that my children rated “reduced lunch” at the school in which I taught. I am wondering, perhaps, if this is not a case of diminishing returns.

Teaching did allow for me to have the same work hours as my children, a major benefit as a single mother raising three children. And we will be spending even more time together in the future; I will be living with them in my old age. It was impossible to save for retirement on a teacher’s salary.

So what happened to this country, which is supposed to have the best educational system in the world? As stated previously, the number of teachers leaving the profession began in the early 1960’s. Interestingly, this coordinates with devaluation of the teaching profession in regards to salary.

In the 1940’s teachers earned an average of 19 percent more than the average U.S. non-teacher employee. Over the years, teacher pay scales did not keep pace with the cost of living and degenerated until, by the year 2000, K-12 teachers made 53.3 percent less than the average U.S. employee. The average male teacher makes 60% less than the average male U.S. worker (NEA, 2006), perhaps demonstrating the devaluation between occupations perceived as male versus female.

All of this has global repercussions. The Organization of Economic Cooperation and Development reported that the US ranks 16th out of 27 countries in students who complete college, and 22nd in students who graduate from high school. In one of the richest countries in the world, U.S. teachers rank 24th in teacher salary, thus making it harder for schools to keep and retain their best teachers. (Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, 2007)

Then consider this; according to the Alliance for Excellent Education, the cost in 2005 of teacher attrition to U.S. taxpayers is over 5 billion dollars per year. Once again, a case of diminishing returns. (Alliance for Excellent Education, 2005)

It all comes down to economics. It would be nice to believe that the Berlin Wall fell because of humanitarian efforts, that Korea stopped building nuclear weapons for the safety of the world, or that politicians work solely for the joy of serving the taxpayers. But the truth is, more often than not, change is motivated by economics.

I don’t teach economics, I now teach psychology. I invite readers to help find workable solutions to this problem. Just brainstorming here, but I personally would love to see an accurate audit of government waste.

Simply put, teaching has become a devalued, not honored, profession. This in turn devalues our children and sets them up to fail. Pay teachers like they matter, respect them, give them resources, let them teach. Keep good teachers and let our children learn. Then save 5.9 billion dollars spent on teacher attrition and put it back into education.

How’s that for a scary idea?

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October 31, 2007 at 12:46 pm by Anonymous

So I’m a new mom to say the least and as my son gets older…I have come to realize how dangerous this world is…I can remember when I was a kid and was able to go outside and play by myself or with my brother and our parents did not have to drop what they were doing to come outside and sit to make sure nothing bad happened to us… well in this day and age that is out of the quesiton…if my son wants to go outside and play then I have to put off cooking dinner for us or one of my other daily jobs so that I can go outside with him to make sure that some maniac doesn’t decide that my son is the next one of the list. I just think that it has gotten to be a scary, dangerous world especially for parents. I have also come to realize that nobody seems to care unless of course they have children of their own and are aware of the fears that all parents have. How did we get to this point in the world, that children can’t even go out in their own yard and feel safe?

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October 31, 2007 at 10:27 am by Anonymous

I have two of the most beautiful girls that came to our family from Colombia when they were infants. I know from my friends and family how hard it is to bring children into this world when they are biologically yours. Adoption increases that hardship exponentially! First of all your adoption costs are not covered like those who are lucky enough to have health insurance to cover pregnancy and birth. Then you are not allowed to take advantage of disability for maternity leave. And, although the government allows for a $10,000 adoption credit, it is disallowed if you make over a certain income. And, considering the total cost of adopting, you really need to make a substantial income to afford to adopt. Talk about your Catch22!!

Despite all this, I would not have done it any other way. It just would have been nice to feel supported by the government for what we did. My girls are my joy and my blessing!

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October 31, 2007 at 2:13 pm by Anonymous

I have a 19 month old. My husband and I both work. I’m currently going to school. We make too much money to qualify for help with daycare costs. So there is NO WAY I can quit work go to school full time, because then we would still haev daycare costs $600/month…our rent is $605. I LOVE my daughters home daycare. But $600/month X 12 kids = 7200, I know there are business expenses and stuff, but they also get money for food through a food program. It just seems like a lot to me.

We are hoping by the time I HAVE to start nursing school full time my husband will be making enough to pay all the bills. All I want is to make a better future for my children.

I want more children, but there is no way we can afford more daycare costs…

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November 1, 2007 at 9:46 am by Anonymous

My 25 year old son spent 2006 being treated for testicular cancer at Lahey Clinic in Burlington, Massachusetts. My son had no insurance and was too old to be on our insurance, but fortunately for us Lahey put him on Freecare and then he got MassHealth.

I don’t like to think what would have happened if Lahey had not been the kind of institution it is. My son’s bills easily came to $100,000.

My husband worked full time and took my son to all his doctors appointments, chemo treatments, and juggled both for over a year.

I quit my job and took care of my son after his three surgeries and chemotherapy.

No one should have to worry about health insurance, paying medical bills, or whether their employer will be a good guy or gal and not give them a hard time about taking care of a sick family member.

My sister-in-law had liver cancer at the same time my son was in treatment. My brother had to fight with the insurance company to get the experimental cancer treatment that prolonged her life but ultimately cancer won the battle and she died.

He owned his own business and was taking care of their three children and his wife Carolynne. If it hadn’t been for her friends I don’t think he would have made it through everything he had to do. He is left with three children and his business is in bad shape because of all the time he took off to take care of his wife.

There needs to be a National Fund for families who are dealing with serious illness in their lives. There needs to be respect for those of us who wind up taking up the burden of care for our loved ones.

I’m tired of hearing politicians telling us to take responsibility. My husband and I have been taking responsibility for years. We’ve raised two children. Our oldest has asthma and our youngest has had cancer. What I want to know is how long will it be convienent for our government to ignore the realities of family life. I want to know why employers dictates are more important than our families.

I want to know why children are dead last when it comes to how the Federal government decides spending priorities.

I’ve come to the conclusion that families have to sit on the doorstep of state government to get any meaningful changes started in this country.

My husband and I have always worked as a team when it came to taking care of our kids. We took turns sleeping on the floor next to my daughters bed when her asthma flared up. We gave the medication she needed, we took her to her doctor, and the hospital when nothing was working.

Single parents, grandparents, foster parents, and anyone who takes care of a child needs a helping hand. The government needs to be part of the team. Needs to extend a hand and real financial aid when it is needed to keep a family from going under. A teamplayer in keeping our kids healthy, caring for our parents and relatives instead of the guy heckling us on the sidelines.

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October 31, 2007 at 9:36 pm by Anonymous

I have not seen a doctor for two and a half years. I have not seen a dentist for two and a half years. When I had strep, I was actually diagnosed by my daughter’s pediatrician. My daughter was sick, as was I (and had been, for about a month). If the pediatrician had not done a swab and written me a ‘scrip (while muttering, “Please don’t tell anyone about this.”) I would have kept on having strep.

THERE IS NO SAFETY NET. If I fall down on the street, my kids would go into foster care until I could take care of them. They would not be guaranteed to be together.

Makes me look both ways crossing the street, and rail about how City Hall lets drivers talk on cell phones while driving.

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October 31, 2007 at 1:14 pm by Anonymous

I don’t know if most people are aware of this, however, NCLB requires that high schools allow military recruiters to come into the schools to recruit high school students into the military. If the schools don’t allow the recruiters access to the school and to the contact information of the 11th & 12th grade students the school could lose Federal Funding. The schools are required to tell the parents of this however many don’t and if they do it is such fine print none of us read it. The schools are also required to inform the parents and the students that they have a right to Opt-Out, which means that if the parent or student opts out the school cannot give that student’s contact information to the military recruiters but then again many schools don’t advise the parents of this right and because parents don’t know this is happening, they don’t ask. This is scary.

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November 1, 2007 at 12:51 pm by Anonymous

As a single mom working 2 part time jobs I could not afford health insurance for myself – I did get some coverage for my kids through school plans. Later, when I (fortunately) had a full time job, I learned how scary that is – I slipped and broke a leg and the bills were over $25,000.
Now my older son, who struggles with severe depression, is without insurance because we cannot afford it – if we could find an insurer willing to accept him. I have paid out of pocket for mental health care because the coverage was so poor when we did have it. Mental illness takes a terrible toll on families and on our country. We need decent health coverage for all health problems and for all citizens.

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November 1, 2007 at 12:51 pm by Anonymous

The scariest thing that I feel I am facing is the fact my son is 17 and in the military, stepping up to defend this country and the people in it and can not even get airfare home. Every Chance I get for him to come home I do not have the funds because I am a low-income person in college. He gets his little paycheck but he is a 17 year old in the military and just now learning how to do a checking account and doing it away from home is harder.

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October 31, 2007 at 10:58 am by Anonymous

Hi- I have been one of the lucky ones with a family-oriented workplace who survived the first 5 years of my child’s life fairly without too many cultural issues -although I think it would have been beneficial to my daughter if I could have stayed home full-time for the first year -as many European mothers can do for their children.

I am finding many issues arising as we struggle with the hurdle of public schools. We will not put our daughter on a school bus due to the lack of safety restraints – full shoulder and lap harnesses -that are required on all private vehicles for young chldren. So, my husband and I have to organize our work schedules to transport our child to and from school and take off work to go along with every field trip so our child can safely attend transported in her booster seat in the famiy car. There is a strong need for progress in this area -school busses need safety restraints!!! -our kids are worth the cost-which by the way comes down to 1penny/day per child.

And, then there is No Child Left Behind -which really amounts to every child is left behind! -Many children are really not ready for full day school at age 5 -yet that is the reality at most schools. And, “kindergarten” -it exists in name only. Although my child has a marvelous teacher the expectations for academics even at the kindergarten level are so advanced that the children have little rest time -15 minutes, limited free time and are often asked to finish “assignments” during that time, 10 minutes to actually eat lunch once they have gone through line and sat at a table. And, worst of all -often no time for bathroom breaks -and my daughter at her young age is still too shy?? nervous about being the “good” child and not missing class or raising her hand if it is a time they are told not to do so?? Thus, often when I come to pick her up the first thing she tells me is that she has not used the bathroom all day at school -which means she has gone for over 7 hours without -not good for urinary tract health!!!! And, those are the good days: although she has been fully potty-trained since age 3 she has come home wet more than onece from school. This happens no where else.

And, perhaps saddest of all was the time recently in the middle of the night when she woke up and had to tell me that her teacher sometimes goes over things so fast she cannot keep up -and my child is one of the bright ones, I don’t know what kids with special needs do. And, she also said that there is not time for coloring. Not time for coloring in kindergarten??? This is important -it utilizes other areas of the brain than academics and helps develop abilities for creative problem solving in life! -and it helps self-soothe. No wonder so many children in our schools are stressed and there is violence when children are not allowed to decompress and have social learning at the start of their school careers!
Our children need a time to learn social rules/connections when they are starting their school careers if we are really going to prepare them for learning. Let’s get rid of “No Child Left Behind” as it is now in the law and instead develop public schools that teach the whole child!!! Thanks for hearing all this. Ann

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October 31, 2007 at 10:58 am by Anonymous

Hi- I have been one of the lucky ones with a family-oriented workplace who survived the first 5 years of my child’s life fairly without too many cultural issues -although I think it would have been beneficial to my daughter if I could have stayed home full-time for the first year -as many European mothers can do for their children.

I am finding many issues arising as we struggle with the hurdle of public schools. We will not put our daughter on a school bus due to the lack of safety restraints – full shoulder and lap harnesses -that are required on all private vehicles for young chldren. So, my husband and I have to organize our work schedules to transport our child to and from school and take off work to go along with every field trip so our child can safely attend transported in her booster seat in the famiy car. There is a strong need for progress in this area -school busses need safety restraints!!! -our kids are worth the cost-which by the way comes down to 1penny/day per child.

And, then there is No Child Left Behind -which really amounts to every child is left behind! -Many children are really not ready for full day school at age 5 -yet that is the reality at most schools. And, “kindergarten” -it exists in name only. Although my child has a marvelous teacher the expectations for academics even at the kindergarten level are so advanced that the children have little rest time -15 minutes, limited free time and are often asked to finish “assignments” during that time, 10 minutes to actually eat lunch once they have gone through line and sat at a table. And, worst of all -often no time for bathroom breaks -and my daughter at her young age is still too shy?? nervous about being the “good” child and not missing class or raising her hand if it is a time they are told not to do so?? Thus, often when I come to pick her up the first thing she tells me is that she has not used the bathroom all day at school -which means she has gone for over 7 hours without -not good for urinary tract health!!!! And, those are the good days: although she has been fully potty-trained since age 3 she has come home wet more than onece from school. This happens no where else.

And, perhaps saddest of all was the time recently in the middle of the night when she woke up and had to tell me that her teacher sometimes goes over things so fast she cannot keep up -and my child is one of the bright ones, I don’t know what kids with special needs do. And, she also said that there is not time for coloring. Not time for coloring in kindergarten??? This is important -it utilizes other areas of the brain than academics and helps develop abilities for creative problem solving in life! -and it helps self-soothe. No wonder so many children in our schools are stressed and there is violence when children are not allowed to decompress and have social learning at the start of their school careers!
Our children need a time to learn social rules/connections when they are starting their school careers if we are really going to prepare them for learning. Let’s get rid of “No Child Left Behind” as it is now in the law and instead develop public schools that teach the whole child!!! Thanks for hearing all this. Ann

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October 31, 2007 at 10:52 am by Anonymous

When I escaped my abusive (now ex) husband, me and my children had to go to a battered womens’ shelter until I could find a place to live.

When our case finally came before the divorce court, literally years later, my ex’s attorney argued that I had made up the abuse we endured at the abuser’s hands to “gain an advantage” in divorce court. I had brought very compelling evidence that he had severely abused me and put our children at risk. Including police reports.

The court ruled against me and gave custody of our small children to the abuser. My access to them is severely limited. As though I was the threat.

I am a fit and loving mother in every way. I have never even had a parking ticket… I’m no Britney Spears, let me assure you.

Now that’s pretty scary. What was the point of leaving, if I could not protect my children?

I have since discovered that this happens to battered mothers all over America: courts give the children back to the abuser all the time. I kid you not.

Talk about a horror.

Maybe MomsRising should take on this problem. Because we really don’t need MORE kids growing up in violent homes….especially when there’s a fit, loving NONVIOLENT parent available to raise them.

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October 31, 2007 at 3:36 am by Anonymous

Just reading through the first page of this blog
brings back rueful memories of the years my
then-husband and I spent trying to raise our small
family nearly 30 years ago.
The year 1980 ushered in the Reagan presidency,
my husband’s graduation from business school, and
our firstborn, who arrived one week before the
commencement day. I recall wondering, as my husband
would drive me to work in the last weeks of my
pregnancy, “How does one find other mothers to
share and exchange ideas, resources with?”, as we’d
pass by homes with toy-filled yards that I’d imagine
myself walking up to their doors and knock, intro-
ducing myself — I actually never did.
Truly, there were SO many “scary stories” I could
very well write a book about raising children and
attempting to maintain a marriage — attempting;
that is to say, due to the stresses and strains
economic hardship put on our marriage, it didn’t
last. By the time our second child arrived six years
later, it was over.
I can tell anyone here that one of the basic needs
that weren’t met that are most likely affecting
families now as then, is affordable housing.
I later got on subsidized housing after I became
separated, but during my marriage, we hadn’t figured
(as many here probably believe) we’d ever need it,
so we simply dismissed the idea of getting on a
waiting list.
Child care was a close second, especially with
our firstborn (by the time our second child arrived,
it was far too late to rectify any problems in that
respect). We enrolled our son in Head Start, but
the minute I lost my job (and believe me, Head Start
actually found out about it BEFORE I TOLD THEM)they
quickly ushered my son out the door, without even
allowing him to finish out the week!
I wrote a short article recounting an episode
I experienced when I brought my then-six year old
daughter with me to a prospective job site to
pick up an application, when I was queried to stay
and “talk to the boss”. Not wanting to pass up an
opportunity if there was one to be had, I admonished
my daughter to “stay in the car and I’ll be right
back”. I’d parked my car right outside the very
window where I was summoned, and I could see my
daughter right over the shoulder of the gent who
I was speaking with.
As luck would have it, my daughter got out of
the car (parked in the shade on a hot day), spread
her blanket out on the curbside lawn, and arranged
her dolls as if she were on a picnic! Meanwhile, I
sat mortified, but having to keep a straight face
at what I was witnessing just feet away.
Luckily, no one approached her, and she actually
returned to the car before I left the office.
That’s what I call scary, in fact, I titled my
article, “Job Hunting Without A Net”.
As a “retired” mom, I am sick and tired of
politicians treating motherhood and raising children
as if it were “just a lifestyle choice”, and
implying through word, thought, and deed, that those
of us who enter the realm of parenthood are “on our
own”, and that any support we may need for our
families is construed as “just whining” and “wanting
it all”, whatever “all” is supposed to mean.
While I don’t wish to scare off most of the
young parents, my account just shows how pervasive
the situation of social inequity has become.
No, it’s not your fault you don’t seem to be doing
as well as your parents may have, the groundwork
has been laid long ago, and you are just realizing
there is a momentous task ahead. Groups like Moms
Rising are finally raising the problem to a level
not foreseen in earlier years, and with hard work
and diligence, we can accomplish much more.
Thank you for allowing me to express myself and
share these most intimate but important details of
my life with this forum.

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October 31, 2007 at 5:56 pm by Anonymous

When I was pregnant with my son, I was supervised by a woman with 2 children, so it seemed that she would be considerate. Not so! During the last 3 months of my pregnancy, she repeatedly told me I might not have a job to come back to and that she couldn’t give me any idea of what to expect. I was told, that I could be put in a receptionist position paying half what I was making at the time, or just left with nothing. She implied that it was just out of her control. She was the director, however, and the only one with control, but unwilling to deal ethically or legally with me. During my 12 week leave, she would call and tell me the same thing “Don’t know if we’ll have a job for you in a few weeks or not.” I returned to work after leave to my same position and I learned later that she was illegally funneling money out of my department to fund a “pet” employee in another unrelated position and that was the reason she was concerned about funding for my position! The whole situation caused me so much stress and I spent hours on the phone during my leave trying to sort things out and even looking for a new job and all for nothing! Needless to say, I left that job soon after returning!
Women should be guaranteed their same position upon returning from leave. I also think we should look to the Netherlands and have 1 year paid leave for mothers. Too bad everyone’s too concerned about the almighty dollar to be decent to one another.

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October 31, 2007 at 11:35 pm by Anonymous

As single mom to a daughter that is now a sophomore in high school, I found that there is a mile-wide gap in the kind of support one can obtain when your child is middle school age. Many day cares won’t accept a kid ten or over, and the ones that do have hours that don’t help if you have a job with hours anywhere outside the typical 9 to 5 or your commute takes you out of that time frame. This age group is so crucial to make sure kids aren’t going down the wrong path, yet there’s so little help available. When my daughter was in 6th grade, I had employers that would constantly hold me up “just 15 more minutes,” and what was (to them) a “minor delay” would result in me having to arrive to find my daughter waiting alone in front of a dark school a block from the freeway onramp. It was heart-rending. And even kids my daughter’s age aren’t ready to move out and get their own place!

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November 21, 2007 at 8:31 pm by Anonymous

I am so sorry for you. I have heard this story before and am tettering on the brink of facing a similar fate. Our judge is refusing to allow my husband to relinquish his rights – I was even forced (not dad) to pay for a guardian ad litem to decide if it was in her best interest, which the GAD did. (we’ll be happy to be rid of him finally)

This judge also won’t force dad to pay child support – we’ve been in court for over 5 years now and my child is just 6. dad hasn’t even spent 4 hours with this child, but the major issue is apparently the father right’s, not the child’s. According to one of my attorneys, the judge here believes that “all dads are good dads”.

there is so much croynism and collusion in the courts that the truth is as overlooked as is the welfare of our children. These men that think that you, as a mom or guardian should be “unemotional” about your children, is untolerable. Of course we are emotional about our children… we love them, we invest all of our emotions into their care and safety from the moment they are born! I consider them inhuman and unfit to decide because of their LACK of emotion.

Our family courts are broken and the scariest thing is that so few people talking about this. I am so sorry for you and your children, we need to make sure that someday they will have a voice in the courts.

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November 1, 2007 at 6:23 pm by Anonymous

I quit my full-time teaching job after I had my son, because there was no flexibility for parents at all. Now I work part time from home, tag teaming with my husband because I don’t make enough to pay a sitter. It’s exhausting but at least I get to see my kids, if not my husband, very much.

If either of us lost our jobs, we’d be in big trouble. We’re just barely making ends meet and we’re supposedly middle class. I don’t know how poorer people do it.

I can’t afford to work full time unless I make a ton more money because daycare for two is so expensive. My son is only in half-day kindergarten, and it would be $5,000 a year just to extend that to 3:00. Some districts have full-day kindergarten for free. I hate the lack of support for childcare in this country! The best thing would be if parents got a subsidy to raise their children and be able to feed them too, and maybe work part time without losing benefits. That’s what they do in civilized countrieds like Sweden.

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November 3, 2007 at 10:45 am by Anonymous

My scary story about single parenting is in the past tense, but may affect my relationship with my daughter today. Someone to care for her when I had a night class, or before and after school, or when she was ill was always a problem. My employer had good education benefits, good health insurance benefits, but there was hell to pay if you needed to be off to actually care for your child.
It made me think of her as a “problem” instead of a precious gift from God.

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October 30, 2007 at 3:43 pm by Anonymous

I am fortunate to have good health insurance and for it to cover my entire family for a very reasonable price, but that does not take care of my paycheck. I will be taking maternity leave in December. I have not been working at my job long enough to accrue a significant number of sick days. Also, I have used my other sick days for the births of my two sons. I have eight sick days and two personal business days to use for a total of 10 days of pay while I am on my maternity leave. That isn’t even two weeks worth of pay. My family relies on my income a great deal. I make half of the household income.

There is the option to borrow sick days from a sick bank at work, but now they have changed their policy. If they feel you have abused your sick bank days, they will not give you anymore. I am told that I will likely not get my sick bank days this time because I used them twice before with the births of my sons. Even if I did get the ten sick days I am alloted for my work experience, that would still only be 20 paid days for my maternity leave. How am I supposed to support my family through the winter on 20 – possibly 10 – paid work days? My husband and I combined make less than 75k a year. I guess some people would ask why we are still having babies. That’s not the issue. We can support ourselves just fine while the two of us are working, but because I’m giving birth I don’t get any extra pay? Doesn’t that seem counterproductive? At a time when I would need the money the most, my job is denying me. I don’t know if any of this makes sense.

I guess I feel it’s completely ridiculous to require a woman to go back to work 10 or 20 days after giving birth. But that would be my only option if I want to continue to get paid. I went back to work at six weeks with my first and that was way too early. He was still keeping me up several hours at night. My work productivity was awful. But no one cared. With my second son, I was able to take eight weeks, but I cried for two days when I had to go back to work. I was lucky that my husband could stay at home with our children during the day, but he was often tired and not alert from having to work the whole night before. I often left for work terrified that my older son would be awake and trying to pick up the baby while my husband was asleep and oblivious. I can’t tell you the number of mornings I was yelling at him to please wake up so I could feel comfortable leaving the baby awake when I left for work. It was not his fault, but I had no one else to rely on so he had to be awake.

Now we have our two sons in a Montesorri preschool and they have a babysitter in the afternoons, but it is costing us around $500 a month for all of this. That is nothing compared to some, I realize, but it is still a chunk of money that we never had to shell out before. We have no idea what we will do with our new baby when I go back to work. I don’t have the heart to put him in an infant daycare because neither of my other children had to do daycare, but I don’t know how my husband will work during the day taking an infant to his job. He is fortunate to be able to do that on certain days, but I don’t know how long it will be feasible.

Back to my point…I just don’t know how we will have Christmas for our two older sons this year or how we will buy groceries or how we will pay bills without my usual income. I can’t believe that in a country as industrialized and forward as we claim to be that we can’t come up with a better system of compensating parents while on maternity leave. We fight wars and develop mind-boggling technology but we can’t help parents raise their children properly.

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October 30, 2007 at 2:31 pm by Anonymous

Prices have risen to where we cannot make ends meet. I need to go to work since we are falling apart financially, but, I have 2 kids with special needs. There is not good child care available for children with special needs.
In addition the only health insurance that I have found for our family is one that has a $10,000 deductible per person.
What a hard time this is for families.

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October 30, 2007 at 3:09 pm by Anonymous

Whats scary to me is that my boyfriend has a college education, is in a “high paying” field has very little debt to pay off and we still have trouble getting by, let along saving money as a one income family. Even though we use cloth diapers and I breastfeed our daughter, it’s really paying for health insurance out of pocket, paying off a car and a house (not even expensive ones), high energy costs that’s really killing us. So we have two roommates who pitch in on household expenses just so we can have cable and internet. My boyfriend is paying as much in taxes as he made before he got the job he has now.

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October 30, 2007 at 3:11 pm by Anonymous

What if something happens to me? I am the sole suport for my children of 4 and 6 yrs, they depend on me for everything. I am an overworked, no pay, stay at home Mom just trying to keep things together. My husband has to take the train to work because gas prices are so high, he is prone to anxiety and panic atacks, we have to depend on him to support us financialy. We barely get by month to month and we DONT have credit debts. I feel sorry for those who are in the same situation and have between 30 to 50 thousand to still pay on credit cards. I need to be here for my kids and there is no luxuries for a stay at home mom. My job is 24-7 with no vacation or sick time. That is Scarry!

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October 30, 2007 at 3:12 pm by Anonymous

I was a career woman with a couple of degrees and a great salary when I had my first child. I went back to work part time but what I really wanted to do at that point was to stay home and be a mommy. I found also that although I could do my work part time, it was very difficult to maintain my position without continuous presence on the job. My husband and I decided I should be a stay-at-home mom. It took some adjusting but it was very rewarding. Skip ahead ten years to when my second child was in first grade and I decided to go back to work. First I had to change my career somewhat because there was no “going back” after 10 years out of the work place. Even so, I was able to score a good position with exciting potential. What didn’t work well in that mix was that at that point I had a full family life. Neither my family nor the job was willing to share me. After nine months of a continuous tug-of-war, I lost my job because when it came right down to it, I wasn’t good enough at the balancing act and my family came first. I also think there was an age component to it because they were not willing to put as much energy into my re-entry as they were into new graduates. Fast forward another 5 years. I am unable to get back into the work place at all. I left the career track for which I am qualified but without enough experience to go along with my age, I am apparently unable to get back into it. I also appear to be either too old or too “qualified” for most mid-level positions. Even though I feel wiser and more stable, it is difficult to make “mommy” look good on a resumé. This inability to find employment has contributed to the failure of my marriage. Now I am faced with the need to support myself and my children and no real prospects for getting anything more than a part time hourly job with no benefits. How’s that for a scary story?

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October 30, 2007 at 2:42 pm by Anonymous

I’m a single mom in TX, with a 9 year-old son with health problems. I’ve been at my job for a little more than 2 years. When I was hired, my boss knew I had a son with health issues, and knew that I don’t have a support system here to help out with child care. Over the summer, my son (in a very short amount of time) got a virus that made him projectile vomit (and therefore he couldn’t go to daycare); then he sprained his ankle (meaning on field trip days at daycare he couldn’t go, so he had to come to work with me); then he came down with strep throat, meaning (once again) I had to stay home with him. My boss came up to me after the latest episode and basically told me to choose my job or my kid. I was told if I miss any more work (although I had only missed a few days), I could lose my job. When I pointed out that sick days were included in my benefits, he replied that those sick days were for me, not my kid!

I work for a very small (less than 10 employees) company. I am not protected under FMLA. Twice already since August, my son has had to stay home by himself when he was too sick to go to school. Luckily, I work two blocks away, and come home for lunch. I can be home in less than three minutes if he needs me. But what kind of world says it’s okay to make moms with no support systems and no other caregivers choose between buying food and taking care of a sick child? My son has never met his father, so there’s no help there. My mom is dead, and my father is elderly and has health problems of his own which make him more of a danger to my son than a help. What are we to do as parents?

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October 30, 2007 at 2:50 pm by Anonymous

I had to spend over 2 years and a HUGE amount of $ to have my son ‘independently’ tested, to ‘convince’ the school, my child qualified for special education services; to prove he learned ‘differently’ from others, and had challenges the school was not addressing.

Funding should be provided to all schools, so ‘proper’ and ‘adequate’ testing; whether it be vision testing, audiological testing, or psychological testing, can be conducted; so all children who learn differently, can be appropriately identified, and properly ‘serviced’

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October 30, 2007 at 2:49 pm by Anonymous

Hello,

I don’t remember the full story about this, but it was on NPR many months ago (I’m sorry, but I don’t remember when!). It made me cry to think of the situation the family was in:

The family had a dry cleaning business. The husband was in the National Guard and was doing a Tour of Duty in Iraq. The wife gave birth to the baby and had to be back at work within days of the birth (maybe even the next day?) to make sure the business didn’t go under. The husband was not allowed to travel back to the States to support his wife during childbirth, or even to help save the business that was their only livelihood. It struck me as unconscionable that our country could do this AND tout “Family Values”…it was truly heartbreaking.

I wish I could remember the details of the story, but perhaps you might be able to find it in the NPR archives?

Thank you for all the great work you are doing!

Hillary

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October 30, 2007 at 4:24 pm by Anonymous

I was a single parent for most of my son’s 15 years.
My ex husband , who has not had parental rights since 1996, owes over $75,000 in back child support. I have always played by the rules and went without so my son could have, like any parent would. Imagine my surprise 2 years ago when I received a notice at my job that my wages were being garnished to reimburse the state for welfare paid to my ex husband based on his having had custody of my son. That’s right, the son I raised was being used so my ex could live on welfare while I worked my tail off. He received 6 years of welfare assistance and cash during the time he refused to pay me child support. I have spent countless hours, research, calling, and to this day still have actions being taken against my wages. I have documented every stage of my son’s life and still have not found the exact right combination of words to prove that my son has never lived with his dad.

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October 30, 2007 at 3:45 pm by Anonymous

Dad took a walk years ago and has never stayed in touch – she was barely 6 months old. The court won’t make him pay child support, but they refuse to allow him to relinqish his rights. They won’t make him pay the money he owes his child, but they will endanger the child by enforcing visitation with someone who is now, 5 years later, a total stranger to the child and who has addiction problems and refuses treatment.

The attorneys have told me repeatedly that our judge thinks “all dads are good dads” – our county has one of the highest rates of abuse and neglect in the state of Texas.

I can’t work in my field anymore because of the hours and have been forced to take lower paying jobs, all the while also being forced to pay off his debt. My daughter has health problems and I am stuck paying off his half of her medical bills and alot of legal fees. She currently has no insurance and we “tough it out” because all my credit is tied up with his debt and we’re struggling financially.

Add to the mix the daycare worker that smoked on the sly, and the boss that told me my child should be “dying” before I had to miss work…

I will live forever with the sight of my child standing alone in the empty doorway of the daycare, crying.

what does this say about our priorities?

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October 30, 2007 at 3:52 pm by Anonymous

Here’s something scary. We are a two parent working family with a four year old and a five month old. I am a U.S. citizen and my husband is a Mexican citizen. He came here illegally in his early 20′s. We have been trying to legalize him since we married six years ago. Because of current immigration laws and the crack down on illegal immigrants, he has to return to Mexico sometime in the next year. We do not know when he will return. It may be months if we recieve a waiver or it could be years. He is a wonderful father and my equal partner in parenting. He has paid taxes, never committed a crime (besides crossing the border MANY years ago), is active in the community, volunteers frequently at my son’s preschool, and is working towards his college degree. Comprehensive immigration reform needs to focus on keeping families united.

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October 30, 2007 at 2:32 pm by Anonymous

I’m a single mom in TX, with a 9 year-old son with health problems. I’ve been at my job for a little more than 2 years. When I was hired, my boss knew I had a son with health issues, and knew that I don’t have a support system here to help out with child care. Over the summer, my son (in a very short amount of time) got a virus that made him projectile vomit (and therefore he couldn’t go to daycare); then he sprained his ankle (meaning on field trip days at daycare he couldn’t go, so he had to come to work with me); then he came down with strep throat, meaning (once again) I had to stay home with him. My boss came up to me after the latest episode and basically told me to choose my job or my kid. I was told if I miss any more work (although I had only missed a few days), I could lose my job. When I pointed out that sick days were included in my benefits, he replied that those sick days were for me, not my kid!

I work for a very small (<10 employees) company, so I am not afforded any protections under FMLA. Twice already this school year, my son has had to stay home alone at 9 years old all day because he was too sick to go to school, but I can’t miss any more work. Luckily, I work literally two blocks from my house and always go home for lunch. I was able to check on him halfway through the day and could get there in under 3 minutes.

But still, what happens when my son is so sick he can’t stay by himself? There is no one else who can watch him. He has never met his father, my mother is dead and my father lives over an hour away, and he’s in poor health and elderly, so he couldn’t watch my son anyway. What are we to do with our children when our bosses force us to choose between working and taking care of our children?

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October 30, 2007 at 2:33 pm by Anonymous

I am a 24/7 single Mom. I don’t get child support and I no longer qualify to receive state assistance.
Last year I took a REALLY good job w/ my current employer as a Customer Service Rep for a major health insurance company in Washington State. Taking this position meant a step up for our little family. It also meant juggling my hours so I could try to maintain my state assistance. If I worked 40hrs @ $14/hr I would make just too much to qualify for assistance. So my brand new employer (so flexible!!!) worked w/ me. I cut my hours to 36 w/ the option of working 30 min extra as they needed me. Well, I skimmed by, qualifying by the skin of my teeth. I had to constantly monitor my hours, counting the minutes, constantly worrying. Well, next round of submitting paystubs, bank statements, etc… comes and I miss the mark by (no I’m not joking) $6!!! My daycare jumps from $338/mo to $700/mo and I have to figure it all out in 6 days. I found out on 12/23 that I would no longer qualify for daycare assistance. Because my employer offers “affordable” health insurance (they don’t take into account co-pays and deductibles) my son doesn’t qualify for that, either. I pay nearly $800 a month in daycare ($700+$10wk meals+snacks/juice as needed).
Of course I find this out after doing last minute shopping with what I thought was a few extra bucks. It happens that way every time it seems.
Anyways – The state doesn’t seem to really seem to use a realistic scale. $800×12=$9600 in daycare expenses on $14.00/hr – because I made “on average” $6 too much over a 3 month period….. Crazy.

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October 30, 2007 at 2:34 pm by Anonymous

My husband and I have recently celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary. Considering we are not in the norm to still be married that in itself is scary! We are a family and both of us have jobs that offer family insurance. But to pay for the insurance does not allow any kind of breathing room once we actually have to use it.
My daughter is in second grade and having a wonderful year after being diagnosed and placed on some medication that allows us the freedom to give it only when it is needed. By the time we went through the “true” testing and recieved the bill we were not able to afford the medication. We tried for programs and coupons but because we are both working we did not qualify for anything. I sometimes feel the odds are stacked agains us when you stay together.
So there I sat on Halloween afternoon to fill her prescription knowing that I was only adding to my credit card a debt I could not pay.
I have to say seeing my daughter participate in her class activities and trick or treat greeting neighbors and looking them in they eyes to say trick or treat was well worth it.
We are still both working and no better off.

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October 30, 2007 at 2:34 pm by Anonymous

I have always tried to be a positive parent. I try to keep in perspective that life is scarier now because we know more about toxins that can harm our children and the environment, about diseases and germs and birth defects. I believe we can work to solve these problems by speaking up.

So I have tried not to get caught up in the fear that paralyzes you as a parent. But it overtook me this week.

When Bush and Cheney racheted up the rhetoric again and took another step towards war with Iran I fell into a panic. What kind of world is being created for our children? A world that hates Americans? A world where our sons and maybe our daughters too, are going to be drafted to go to War? A world where our borders are not protected because the adminstration double-speaks and says that they are protecting us while in fact making us and our children more vulnerable.

My son is 22 months old, my daughters are 8 and 6. I am now consumed with fear that they are going to be drafted to fight needless wars and are going to be asked to die to support the financial gain of those very corporations that are right now poisoining them with toxic toys.

This season of fear has me by the throat and it is the devestation of war that haunts me most.

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October 30, 2007 at 2:34 pm by Anonymous

2 years 5 months son diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. He lost all language, eye contact, quit playing with his siblings and seemed like he was deaf. He started lining his toys up all in a row on the floor. I was working part time, awake all night long trying to read everything I could about autism which was all completely depressing. 2 years 9 months my son started intensive ABA therapy provided by the regional center. I read,”Let Me Hear Your Voice,” by Katheryn Maurice and decided to follow her model. She had 2 children with autism and put them both on a intensive ABA program and both are now fine. She was my light. I ran a 35 hour ABA program, managed therapists, fought for funding with regional center, school district, and medical insurance, drove to speech therapy 5 days a week and occupational therapy 5 days a week and tried to take care of the rest of my family although not very well. My 2 other children and husband took what little attention they could get. 5 years post diagnosis, my son is in his last year of therapy and indistinguishable. He is my lite. Our whole family was going down with this terrible disorder that struck us. I can now raise my head and look at the world to see what else is going on and I see so many children now with delayed speech, speech disorder, autism spectrum disorder, executive functioning/planning skills lacking. We are in an epidemic. We need to help those mothers in the dark of dealing with this disorder and give them support. Where are they you ask? Trying to fix what went wrong. Please help raise awareness about autism to help our children get SERVICES NOW and to help their families which all pay the price.

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October 30, 2007 at 3:08 pm by Anonymous

I had no idea how maternity leave worked when I discovered we would be having a fall baby. I never thought to look into a short-term disability plan or anything because I had no idea that Moms were given NO HELP. I was disgusted to find out that there was nothing out there to help me!

I’m not covered by FMLA because my company is too small; any sort of disability insurance didn’t cover me because it was not a part of my policy. Basically the moment I have my baby, I’m fired, out of a job and into a state of poverty with my brand new baby. I don’t qualify for anything to help either, not WIC or food stamps because my husband makes $11 and hour and we won’t qualify because we’re not considered poor enough. Our rent eats up most of his paycheck and we will only have $40 a month to live off of until my baby is old enough for daycare. I have no idea how we are going to eat. I’ve been saving like crazy so we don’t die when I’m not able to work. Yesterday we had to buy new tires for the car and I cried because I couldn’t stand to see the money leave the account because we’re going to need every cent for the next three months.

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October 30, 2007 at 2:39 pm by Anonymous

This article terrifies me — when I try to make healthy food choices and make the occasional drive-thru run — I could be poisoning my kids with mad cow or worse……

I’m sure those of you who aren’t in the cattle business don’t understand

the issues here. But to those of us who who’s living depends on the cattle

market, selling cattle, raising the best beef possible… this is frustrating.

As far as my family, we don’t eat at McDonald’s much (Subway is our choice

of fast food), but this will keep us from ever stopping there again, even for

a drink.

The original message is from the Texas Cattle Feeders Association.

American cattle producers are very passionate about this. McDonald’s claims

that there is not enough beef in the USA to support their restaurants. Well, we

know that is not so. Our opinion is they are looking to save money at our expense.

The sad thing of it is that the people of the USA are the ones who made McDonald’s

successful in the first place, but we are not good enough to provide beef.

We personally are no longer eating at McDonald’s, which I am sure does not make

an impact, but if we pass this around maybe there will be an impact felt.

Please pass it on. Just to add a note, all Americans that sell cows at a livestock

auction barn had to sign a paper stating that we do NOT EVER feed our cows any

part of another cow. South Americans are not required to do this as of yet.

McDonald’s has announced that they are going to start importing much of their

beef from South America. The problem is that South Americans aren’t under the

same regulations as American beef producers, and the regulations they have are

loosely controlled.

They can spray numerous pesticides on their pastures that have been banned

here at home because of residues found in the beef. They can also use various

hormones and growth regulators that we can’t.

The American public needs to be aware of this problem and that they may be

putting themselves at risk from now on by eating at good old McDonald’s.

American ranchers raise the highest quality beef in the world and this is what

Americans deserve to eat, not beef from countries where quality is loosely

controlled. Therefore, I am proposing a boycott of McDonald’s until they see

the light.

I’m sorry but everything is not always about the bottom line, and when it comes

to jeopardizing my family’s health, that is where I draw the line.

I am sending this note to about thirty people. If each of you send it to at least ten

more (30 x 10 = 300) … and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000)

…. and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth generation of people,

we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers!

I’ll bet you didn’t think you and I had that much potential, did you? Acting together we

can make a difference. If this makes sense to you, please pass this message on.

David W. Forrest, Ph.D., PAS, Dipl. ACAP

Department of Animal Science

Texas A&M University

2471 TAMU

College Station, TX 77843-2471

Email: d-forrest@tamu.ed

Phone (979) 845-3560

Fax (979) 862-3399

[Reply]

October 30, 2007 at 3:01 pm by Anonymous

Last year I tried to make a living doing home daycare.

I have a background in early childhood education and felt I could offer a really valuable service and be at home all day with my then one year-old, as well as in the afternoons for my first and third graders. I was prepared to do it right-with all the training, attention to safety and paperwork involved in that.

Here’s the real truth: Sometimes it feels like the regulators are in your closets and underwear drawer with a flashlight, being a home child care provider. In fact, there are plenty of providers whose underwear drawers HAVE been checked and worse. I’m not necessarily saying this is bad or unnecessary, but people need to realize the reality of what their “babysitters” go through to provide that care.

You really sacrifice your privacy, you work long hours (10 a day is about the least one can hope for and that’s WITH the children-not counting an additional 10 or so hours of planning, set-up, break-down, paperwork, errand running, bookkeeping etc., etc.) You sometimes feel all used up. People call you a “babysitter”, a characterization which calls to mind irresponsible teenagers chatting on the phone with their boyfriends, not grown women with specific professional training and enormous commitment to provide excellent care.

The short version is: I couldn’t get fully licensed because of local zoning issues, so that kept my numbers low. I liked the intimacy of the small group, but could hardly meet my overhead. In our New Mexico town, almost every provider of child care in their home is flying under the radar because no one can meet the zoning criteria. This means no oversight and providers who don’t know about the necessary safety precautions. I heard a lot of stories about TV all day, no outside time, no preschool programs in local daycares. This in a town where there is a “child care crisis”.

Regardless, I always held myself to the standards of a fully licensed provider and was in fact inspected by the Federal Food Program, unannounced, several times a year.

We ran into numerous problems as a family. When my own children were sick, I had to deliberate painfully whether or not to close my daycare. One day found my one year-old in the emergency room, dehydrated with a stomach flu, and my husband at his side (losing $20 an hour with no leave), while I was at home watching other people’s children, unable to be with him. I knew people counted on me desperately and I tried to be there. We had no health insurance, as my husband couldn’t get any either through his work in construction. My wage, although prohibitive for someone to pay out (believe me, I know) was barely anything to live on. How would you like to work 50-60 hours a week for a wage less than $4 an hour? Be a home daycare provider. Our home was not our own. Our living room became a preschool classroom. Parents thought nothing of bringing their own children to me with a stomach flu.

Don’t get me wrong. I loved the children I cared for and gave them my best. I completed hours and hours of training, sanitized toys and surfaces, rubbed backs, created curriculum, but, at the end of the day, I felt violated by the regulation of every aspect of my provision of care-kind of like the experience of being at an airport is that of being a “potential terrorist”, the experience of a child care provider can be that of “potential child abuser”.

At the end of one year, I couldn’t do it anymore. I was all used up. I got a job at the local school, placed my two year-old in a preschool, and got my family health benefits. At this job, I make $12,000 a year for almost full-time work (32 hours a week) and reap all of $300 a month after paying out for childcare and benefits, but I couldn’t do home daycare again.

I just want people to realize that child care providers are not the enemy-we are women with our own childcare needs and dilemmas, our own need for paid leave to be with OUR sick kids, our own professional pride. We pay the penalty for the total devaluation of “care” in our society, maybe more than anyone.

If child care and health care were taken care of, as they are in so many societies, my life would be a different life. My wage would actually provide something for my family. Child care providers, if subsidized, could provide excellent care and make it worth it for their own pocketbooks. What a different world it would be!

[Reply]

October 30, 2007 at 3:03 pm by Anonymous

As a single divorced mom, I share all of the concerns about daycare, healthcare and the family unfriendly workplace. I live in Northern Virginia (outside of DC) and commute 75 minutes to my job. Commuting around DC is an unknown quantity. I can leave at the appropriate time each day and have as much as a 45 minute disparity in the time I arrive at work. That means I need daycare in the morning and after school ( Averages$25 per day)
My daughter was lucky enough to get a scholarship to an excellent private school. With the scholarship, tuition is cheaper than I paid last year for daycare ($1000 per month)

What is scary to me is the lack of enforcement of child support from non custodial parents. My ex husband does not pay child support. I can take him to court for payment only after he has amassed a $5000 support bill. So what does my 4 year old child do in the meantime for food, clothing, shelter, books? If I were to apply for government aid, they would find him, but because I am middle class, he receives no consequences.
We must live with my mother, who is 63 and does her best to help us on her fixed income. (She works but no one is promoting seniors to higher paying positions)Without her help, we would be living in a car.
I am a college graduate (English /Art major). My ex was a computer whiz. However, he now uses excuses like he has suddenly realized that he has been depressed since his marriage ended(He left us ) and that is why he cannot find work ( He works “under the table” and quit a well paying over the table job 4 years ago to escape support payments). He is still allowed visitation every other weekend and plays the “daddy role”. He still has a car and a cellphone. He buys her sneakers (3 pair) and takes her to Chucky Cheese (What him cook?)
There are no enforced consequences for not supporting your family.
I would like to return to graduate school so that I can earn more, but there are no programs for graduates that don’t require taking out expensive loans that are almost impossible to repay.
I think the government should provide incentives to single parents to become teachers or social workers or rural doctors or lawyers to reduce their student loans if they are willing to work for the American people for a specified number of years.
The government should also sponsor healthcare for all Americans. Paying a few dollars in extra taxes beats losing your home or worse when there is a medical catastrophe.
Daycare should be provided by licensed, trained child care professionals paid through our taxes.
When my mother visited China, she was amazed at the neighborhood daycare centers whose fees were paid on a sliding scale by parents (The mother is given a year at home with the new child)
We can find trillions to support a war and “stabilize” another country (that obviously does not want to be stabilized) but we cannot afford to invest in our children who will, hopefully, be equipped in the future to lead this country from the mess we are in now.

[Reply]

October 30, 2007 at 2:27 pm by Anonymous

Why can’t we find more positions available where we have on site day care in the workplace? Or even better a job we can take our children to with us?
Unfortunatly we undervalue the proper raising of our children then complain when they turn out to be irresponsible adults. We need a new way of raising our chidren and still maintaining an income so we don’t have to rely on our husbands to support us, in turn feeling powerless and reliant upon them to take care of us finacilly. If divorce ever were to come into the picture where does that leave us. Its truly a scary time for women. The court system is now looking at stay-at-home mothers with little regard to what they have given up in order to raise healthy well adjusted individules.
Dana

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October 30, 2007 at 2:35 pm by Anonymous

My scary story is how frightened I am of the general lack of accountability in the schools today. Too many children do whatever they want with no fear of accountability for what they do. Schools are so afraid of lawsuits that they often do not stick to their principles of what is right and wrong. As a result children do not learn that there are consequences to bad choices.

[Reply]

October 30, 2007 at 2:24 pm by Anonymous

I am employee of the City of Chicago, the third largest city in the county and it amazes me that we don’t have a maternity leave policy. No only does the City not pay for any of your time off, there isn’t even a written policy anywhere to be found. What makes the whole situation ironic is that one of City’s health insurance plans don’t cover birth control. This makes the whole situation a little counter intuitive.

[Reply]

October 30, 2007 at 2:24 pm by Anonymous

When I was a kid, Dad worked outside the home…Mom worked at home: taking care of home and children. We had a moderate income, had a roof over our heads, food in our bellies, and never wanted for much more.

Then the BOOM! Women realized they could enjoy satisfaction & value by working outside the home like their male counterparts and began doing so. Prices rose, as did the standard of living…Today we are seeing a majority of dual-income households (out of necessity) with children, young & old, in extended daycare and parents are stretched thin to juggle all these demands. The dynamics of our personal lives have changed dramatically in the past 50 years, but the business world has not.

The balance of work & personal life is in a state of IMBALANCE. Priorities are askew. Greed is rampant. American businesses need to rebalance and catch up with the times. THESE times.

Most everyone will agree that our children are suffering, but who takes the wrap? The parent, forced to work a full time job (sometimes more) and raise their children under constant stressful, rushed schedules.

Most everyone will agree the surest answers to the most pressing issues shared by society are rooted in educating our youth. Yes, teachers play a great part, but so too should the parents. How can this be done when there is no time to do it? To instill morales, values…to teach respect and thankfullness…to slow down and enjoy the little things?

We need more flexible work schedules for everyone –Dads as well as Moms — we need employers who aren’t so desperate for profit that they fall shortsighted of life values. We need to get home at reasonable hours, be able to prepare a healthy meal for our children, and spend time with them, enjoying them, listening to them at the end of the day.

It is a scary day indeed when the wealthiest country in the world, with resources aplenty cannot seem to observe the most precious gifts that are slipping by us every day…our children and our future.

Korinna D. Hirsch

[Reply]

October 30, 2007 at 2:30 pm by Anonymous

I agree with all the concerns involving health insurance costs and coverage. I work full time and pay for my family’s health insurance since my husband is self employed. My contribution is going up at least $92/month. I’ll pay out over $5300 for the year, not to mention all the copays on tests, doctor visits, and prescriptions. Our pediatrician’s office has even started to bill us for after-hours calls. Thanks goodness I’m not a new mom with a newborn any more! However, I’m still among the lucky ones who have coverage in the event something catastrophic happens.

Am I the only one that thinks it’s scary when my 6 yr old rides the school bus? Our school district has an 80 yr old bus driver on my daughter’s bus route. I think it is scary knowing that this elderly driver could be incapacitated due to a sudden medical emergency. The elementary students would not be able to help themselves, resulting in injury or worse. I’ve asked the school district to put this elderly driver on a middle school or high school route instead, or to put a bus monitor/aide on the bus with him. However, my concerns were dismissed citing age discrimination. Don’t car insurance companies have higher premium rates for 18 yr old AND 80 yr olds for a reason? I wouldn’t let my child ride in a car with her elderly great-grandparents either – and for good reason! This is not a risk I’m willing to take with my child’s life, so thankfully her father and I have been able to rearrange our work schedules to transport her from school. But all those other children could still be hurt…..scary!

[Reply]

October 30, 2007 at 3:20 pm by Anonymous

Health care….
My husband and I have 3 daughters now 9, 10 and 12. My husband is self-employed and I stayed home with the girls for many years. We lived without health insurance for all of us for many years.

It was very scary at times, when the girls would hurt themselves, and I would find myself trying to decide how serious it was, whether we could get by without medical attention or whether I needed to take them to the emergency room. It was really awful feeling like you had to choose between a + $1000-2000 bill or your child’s health. We had no access to dental care for them for many years.

Thankfully we are now on CHIP – which is truly a blessing. My youngest child has had to have many fillings, if we had been able to afford the preventative dental care, maybe we could have avoided those issues.

My husband and I still live without health care. I now work for two small non-profits. I often wonder why we don’t worry more about providing health care for the bread winners of our families, since if anything happens to them we could be in major trouble financially.

After School care…
We obviously cannot afford after school care, but I need the extra time for my work day. The bus from school helps a lot in this way, since it is a long journey. However, since K-12 grade are all on one bus, my children are exposed to language and ideas that I would prefer otherwise. The bus driver is expected to drive the route and discipline all the children, which is obviously impossible. As a result young children are subjected to inappropriate language and concepts largely unsupervised.

We know there is a better way and yet we hold back on doing the right thing out of fear that people will take advantage and/or that we don’t want to have to pay for something wasteful. Instead we pay for war and corruption and leave the creation of our future society blowing in the wind.

Vicki, Driftwood, TX

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October 30, 2007 at 3:08 pm by Anonymous

I had no idea how maternity leave worked when I discovered we would be having a fall baby. I never thought to look into a short-term disability plan or anything because I had no idea that Moms were given NO HELP. I was disgusted to find out that there was nothing out there to help me!

I’m not covered by FMLA because my company is too small; any sort of disability insurance didn’t cover me because it was not a part of my policy. Basically the moment I have my baby, I’m fired, out of a job and into a state of poverty with my brand new baby. I don’t qualify for anything to help either, not WIC or food stamps because my husband makes $11 and hour and we won’t qualify because we’re not considered poor enough. Our rent eats up most of his paycheck and we will only have $40 a month to live off of until my baby is old enough for daycare. I have no idea how we are going to eat. I’ve been saving like crazy so we don’t die when I’m not able to work. Yesterday we had to buy new tires for the car and I cried because I couldn’t stand to see the money leave the account because we’re going to need every cent for the next three months.

[Reply]

October 30, 2007 at 1:37 pm by Anonymous

I worry about how much we consume that is made in China. Our country has laws for everything, which are designed to protect us. Yet to save money we make everything in a country without any of those laws. Now we’re sick and dying, corporations are making money China is growing on our backs.

[Reply]

October 30, 2007 at 2:15 pm by Anonymous

I am the single mother of two teenage daughters. I have been a single mom for most of their lives as I was only married to their father a short time, but I have struggled for 19 years now. What hits me the hardest is that I am about to be 40 years old and things are still so tough. I thought by the time I reached this age things would be better, but they are not. I am struggling financially as much as I was when they were younger. I work two jobs, and it still is not enough. If I would receive the child support that was court-ordered, my children and I would not have to struggle the way we do. Their father has evaded his financial responsibilities to our children for most of their lives, and the state of Illinois allows him to get away with it. As long as he pays something everything month, they will not bring him back to court to determine why he is not paying the court ordered amount. So he pays very little, just enough to stay out of court, and there is nothing I can do about it. I do not have money for a lawyer, so my children and I are rendered helpless. The child support laws are set up in such a way that allows the noncustodial parent to skirt around their responsibilities, and its not fair, and its not right. The whole system, at least in Illinois, needs to be completely overhauled to ensure that children receive the financial support they deserve. I am sick and tired of the custodial parents being the ones to shoulder the burden alone. They did not bring these children into this world alone, and they should not have to struggle to take care of them alone.

Julie

[Reply]

October 30, 2007 at 4:37 pm by Anonymous

Similar Experience(s). I can certainly empathize.

[Reply]

October 30, 2007 at 3:06 pm by Anonymous

My ex_husband is doing the same. I am ordered 107 dollars a week, but he has over 18 thousand in back child support due. He only pays 107 dollars a month! I have tried every possible avenue to coax him along! Even offering to allow him to use one of the children on his taxes! No amount of begging, pleading, threatening, or whining will get my Ex or the officials to move.

It is so hard when I make some time only 200 or 300 dollars a month. I have to work at home for very low pay because I have to home school so my children can actually GET a decent education. Then on top of all of this the government steals 300 dollars a year for self employment tax ( I will never see Social Security) and God only know how much in sales tax on their home schooling supplies! So I have little options but to plug away at my home job and hope I make more money or hope that Child Support Enforcement really enforces a court order. No severely impoverished person should ever have to pay a months salary for taxes and then be looked down on for using the services those taxes are supposed to pay for. Nor should anyone be “taxed twice” for education. I think if people want to send their kids to public school FINE, but they should pay for it and not have the government double dip out of our small pot…first in sales tax, then land taxes for schools, then self employment taxes. Then the government DOESN’T even provide the services they tax you to death for! It’s criminal.

[Reply]

October 30, 2007 at 2:29 pm by Anonymous

California is just as bad, my ex has not paid child support consistently for the last 11 years. I think one out of the 11 years did he actually pay. I did get the first year or 2 of child support paid when we settled because the court paid me my child support out of his half of the settlement. He was ordered to pay child support to the LA County DA’s office. They know exactly how much in arrears he is. He has had his CA driver’s license revoked. Criminal charges have been filed against him for non payment, however, the DA’s office does not have enough money to follow up on all of those deadbeat parents and so the bottomline is that the criminal charges are useless. He works outside of the system and does not pay taxes so no one even knows where he is. 11 years ago when we were still married we had a household income of $120,000. When we went to court 8 years ago he claimed he only made $8,000 a year and was ordered to pay me $550 per month for 2 kids. And I had the best family law judge in the court at the time. He has not paid…he is in arrears over $35,000, which I will never see. Go figure.

[Reply]

October 30, 2007 at 2:15 pm by Anonymous

I used to live in NYC and work 70 hours a week. When my youngest of three turned two, my husband and I were in a financial position to have me scale back the hours and spend more time with the kids. We both want a parent there to be able to help the kids with school, give them a nurturing home environment. I feel blessed that I have been given this time and am so close with our kids.

But what really irks me is that I have become financially dependent on my spouse not only for these years but for my retirement years as well. All benefits are in my husband’s name: our retirement account, healthcare benefits, even the lion’s share of Social Security benefits all belong to him. Let’s say when I turn fifty and the kids are grown, we don’t get along anymore? He’s got control of all we’ve built together over the years.

There should be legislation introduced so that healthcare and retirement benefits are not tied to employment. Because this presupposes that caregiving provides no value and all mothers know that that’s not true. I’m not asking for higher taxes or government handouts. I’m asking to be able to have retirement plans titled in joint names and healthcare to be equally available to all.

[Reply]

November 3, 2007 at 11:55 pm by Anonymous

My experience with my being in the military so far is that they are VERY family friendly. I get 42 days paid maternity leave and any other leave I want to take on top of that. I hear the air force gives more maternity leave than us!! I have never experienced any stigma for having my children be sick or my having to be there for them…Isn’t it sad that the military treat their people better than our civilian counterparts? I know that this is not always the case but in the Coast Guard, I have witnessed only that we actually care about eachothers happiness and well, our medical is covered too. Thats pretty scary to me.

[Reply]

October 30, 2007 at 4:38 pm by Anonymous

I am a tenure-track professor at a public university in the south. Because my university does not offer parental leave to faculty or staff, I worked through the entire semester during which my child was born with no time off, even though I had an emergency cesarean. My child was not sleeping well, I was recovering from major surgery and dealing with complications, and yet I had no time off to heal. Because of this I became very ill. The medication I needed to take necessitated that I stop breastfeeding. My health and my child’s health were severely compromised at a critical time. I hold a PhD from a program that is one of the top two in the country for my field, and this is what the profession had to offer me. The chair of my department did nothing to support me.

No one, no matter what their level of education, is immune to the draconian policies that penalize mothers and their families.

[Reply]

October 30, 2007 at 4:42 pm by Anonymous

What is really scary is growing a child within your body for 9 months, breastfeeding and devoting all your physical, emotional, mental and financial resources to the care and well being of that child and then having a family court system remove her from you to give to the abusive or neglectful father. Sound like a nightmare? It is, but its real and happening to abused women and children around this country.

[Reply]

October 30, 2007 at 4:44 pm by Anonymous

I am a divorced, single mom to two kids in WA state. I was a stay at home mom for over 6 years. When I got a divorce I was told I was college educated and trained and could get a job easily. Although my children’s father had a high paying job, we didn’t have many assets – for various reasons. I received all of 2 years spousal maintenance and now only child support. This child support is from a table, doesn’t take into consideration the vast discrepancies in income between us, and is not adjusted for inflation, and hasn’t changed in years.

I did go back to work but it has taken me over 3 years to obtain a level of income equal to the first 6 months of spousal + child support. I do not own my own home, I am in debt, and I do live paycheck to paycheck.

I read the book The Economic Price of Motherhood in America and became more incensed about the lack of family friendly policies in this country and the price all of us women pay in various ways to raise our children. This made me wonder what I could do and eventually led me to this organization.

I paid a huge economic choice when I left my career to stay home with my children for those 6 years. I think it is sad that with 20/20 hindsight I now feel I should not have left my career, the advances in salary and postion to become dependant on a man in order to stay home with my children.

Now I find myself choosing between time invested in my career and time with my children. Things are truly out of balance and not family friendly in this country and many things need to change. I applaud this organization for tackling these issues head on and am proud to be a supporter.

[Reply]

October 30, 2007 at 4:43 pm by Anonymous

When my son was born in 2004, I was about to start graduate school and my husband worked (and still does) as an editor for a syndication house. We had just moved to Austin, TX, bought a house, and I was taking all the preliminary courses one needs to get into Graduate School.

At five months old, my son started panting irregularly and so after a trip to the pediatrician’s office, he had an xray of his lungs. He was diagnosed with silent acid reflux. However, in reading the xray the radiologist noted that his L1 Lumbar vertabrae looked out of shape and should be checked. My son was then diagnosed with Kyphosis. His L1 vertabrae was at a 45 degree angle. We spent the next three months examining my child from every angle to ensure that nothing else was wrong with him. He had an ekg, an echo cardiogram, renal sonogram, a CAT scan, MRI (which had to be done twice because he woke up in the middle of the first one and wouldn’t lay down again), lungs xrayed, and back xrayed from every angle. He was seeing a lung specialist, a back specialist, and his regular pediatrican. We were told that he would definitely need surgery at 3 and that he may have problems controlling his bowels during the potty training years.
He was custom fitted for a brace that he wore for 22 hours of everyday for six months. Then he only wore it for 18 hours a day for six more monts. At a year after him starting to wear the brace, he was down to 12 hours. Just before his second birthday he was fitted for his second custom fit brace, he wore that brace for 12 hours a day until this past May. His vertabrae responded to the brace and healed itself.
My son was so lucky–he was born to parents whose employer not only had insurance but also provided execucare insurance. This money is set aside for employees to pay for incidentals that insurance companies do not cover. Such as copays and deductables. My son received excellant medical care by the best doctors in the world. Today he is brace free and his vertabrae has re-formed beautifully. He has never needed surgery and not one developmental delay all because it was caught so early. In addition, since he was so young when he wore the brace he was never made fun of for wearing it. His little friends all wanted a brace like his. Every child should have access to what my son had –scary to me will always be what if we didn’t have health insurance and the execucare. As a country we need to stop depending on what employers do or don’t do–we need great health care for all Americans! Good Health care is not a privilege it–it is a basic right. Thanks for letting me tell my story.

[Reply]

October 30, 2007 at 4:30 pm by Anonymous

I was a single parent raising two children on a minimum wage job. What was truly scary for me was when I began to earn more money, I began to loose services that were invaluable to my family. Fisrt my TANF check was cut. Then my food stamps were lowered to $10 per month. Then my HUD subsidy for my home dropped to $98 per month. Finally, I lost my child care. When I lost my child care I was making $7.77 per hour with two children. that is only $310.80 a week before taxes. with rent at $575, $100 car insurance, plus utilities, school and child care expenses; I was just as impoverished as I was collecting welfare and accessing services.
I was teriffied about how I would manage to care for my children. How would we eat? where would we live? Who would care for my children when I worked? I could not believe that at a time when I was finally doing something positive for my family my own government was pushing us back into poverty by not giving my extended benefits.
I protected my children from this reality by using credit to do basic things like buy groceries. I eventually had to file for bankruptcy. It was a nightmare.
Now I am happy to say I make enough money that I don’t need government help but during thos vulnerable years, I was unsure if we would survive.

[Reply]

October 30, 2007 at 4:30 pm by Anonymous

There are so many things I could be fearful about in parenting, but I was fortunate to quit my job at a family unfriendly corporation when I had our daughter 2 years ago. While we can barely make it on one income, all we can afford is self-insured health insurance for my daughter and I. This does not provide maternity coverage or emergency room visits and we pay up front for doctors appointments until we meet a $10K deductible. We would face financial disaster and possibly lose our house if something serious were to happen to either one of us. My husband makes enough that we are not low income and she would not qualify for SCHIP, yet we are totally under insured like so many other Americans. He also has no official paid or sick time or paternity time, if he doesn’t work, he doesn’t get paid and some weeks he can work up to 60 hours. I realize there are many Americans worse off than we are, but I think it is important to realize the poor family friendly policies in America affect many income levels.

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February 28, 2008 at 1:22 pm by notsaved

Bob Keesham did indeed say those infamous words, and I don’t see what’s so wrong with it…he was right…it DID hold this lil bastard fer a while…

fer sure it was no worse than our fearless president saying that we’ve outlawed Russia and will begin bombing in 5mins…

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November 1, 2007 at 6:01 pm by Anonymous

We as parents have bigger hardships than our parents did. I often wonder what lies ahead for my daughter. I am not rich. I am a “middle class” mom trying to do the best I can. I wait tables. I’m fortunate to work for a company that offers health insurance. That’s the only reason I’m there. It seems to me that Washington lives in such a bubble, that to really expect our representatives to TRULY understand our plight is naive. I work with hardworking, honest, good people whom by majority have to hold down two jobs to make ends meet. Childcare has been ridiculous for us, and we’re so happy our daughter began public school this year, so we can at least breath until the winter’s gas bills start rolling in. Our country is becoming more and more divided. The rich getting richer, and the poor getting poorer. I’m sick of special interests. I’m sick of crooked politicians whom after being convicted of crimes continue to collect a paycheck-called pension- paid by you and me. These people in Washington don’t know what struggle is, and it’s about time they do. We elect them to represent us, not live off of us. We all must get involved in the political game, by informing ourselves, informing our family and friends, becoming pro-active. Sign petitions, call local/state representatives, being a part of this and any other forum. Let’s continue to motivate each other. The power of the human mind and spirit is endless!
Sylvia-New York

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November 1, 2007 at 6:03 pm by Anonymous

I was a single parent of two due to my children’s dad dying in an alcohol related car accident. Some years later I met the man who would be my third child’s dad. I was on birth control and was not supposed to get pregnant again due to a risk to my health as well as my child’s. I stepped out in faith when I found out I was pregnant and had my son. He appeared fine at birth. He had pneumonia a week after birth and was hospitalized. From then on he was squirrely, always into something, always on the move. Upon entering kindergarten his dad left to live with another woman whom he had secretively exposed my son to for the past 2 years.
From that point on my son had difficulties in school. I kept asking for help from the school, counselors, and any program I could find. My son did not qualify because he had not broken the law.
I could not believe what I was hearing. I tried everything charter schools, counseling, homeschool. I had to work due to our new welfare to work program. It was not until the day he got arrested for vandalism that things started to change. I found myself in juvenile court with several people who were committing to help my son through their intervention program. Where was the help when he was struggling to figure things out. Why did the help come after he’d already decided it did not matter. The window of opportunity was closing.
To this day I do not get it. Why can’t we invest in prevention? Where is the harm in investing in young peoples self esteem and teaching them how to problem solve before they run into the problem.
Our drug problem and our prison population is not getting smaller?
This reality scares me.

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October 31, 2007 at 12:59 am by Anonymous

After my husband died of cancer at 45, I continued to raise my very disabled stepdaughter (her mom had long before abbrogated that responsibility). Our longtime nanny moved on to pursue an advanced degree and at the end of a year of searching for live-in care that could be afforded on a single parent’s salary (he had no life insurance), I was forced to place this 12 year old child of my heart in a board and care home in a neighboring town. The search for the board and care took 18 months: most of the homes were no place for children to live. We were fortunate to find a bed in a wonderful home with plenty of supervision so I could continue working to provide supplemental health care, etc.

Why, why, why do we not value all of our children enough to provide the services that they need, especially those who will always be dependent? Why aren’t caregivers available? Why are such dreadful group homes granted licenses? Even with the guidance of the terribly overworked case manager at the local regional center, this experience was hell upon the preceding hell of losing her father. By the way, she was 8 when he died, and she understood what happened…

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October 30, 2007 at 2:09 pm by Anonymous

I’m fortunate to work for myself (flexible hours; understanding boss!) AND be married to someone with a job with benefits. And together we make a very good (low six figure) living. But still I’m terrified at the thought of paying for college. Now that our children our out of daycare, we’re saving all the money we used to pay for that (a scary, scary, $15,000 per year) into a college fund. But still the standard college costs projectors (available on line) show we’re going to come up short. And that’s for public university — and if only one of our two children even goes to college!!

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November 2, 2007 at 1:24 am by Anonymous

I am a grandmother, of a 2 year old. Yes, child care is very expensive but the social interaction is worth it. I am reading about how employers do not understand when the little ones get sick. My daughter was dismissed from her job because her daughter was sick and even had doctor’s notes stating what was wrong with her daughter. Working in the medical field, you would think they would understand. The nursing home she worked at told her since she felt it was more important to stay home with her daughter; she was not the right person for there nursing home. I need to add that she was also reprimanded for receiving a phone call from the daycare to come and get her daughter because she had a very high fever, and for leavening her shift 15 minutes earlier. While she is looking for a job she must keep her in the daycare if she keeps her home with her she will loose her placement in the daycare. Today my granddaughter says I do not like to go to “school” because you leave me. When I my daughter was that age, I was able to stay home with her.
I am going to close with oh how the times have changed and it has only been 22 years.

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October 30, 2007 at 1:42 pm by Anonymous

Best of luck to you – I’m sorry that’s all I can give. Does your employer understand what your dilemma is?

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October 30, 2007 at 1:36 pm by Anonymous

I am adopting a second child who will be between 12-20mo when he/she comes home in the spring. I have been on the waitlist at 3 daycare facilities for over 18 months so far with NO openings now or projected. I have nowhere to go. I already pay $1220/mo for one child in daycare (who started there much younger). Our area (Boulder, CO) does not have enough daycare available for young children here (clearly). What will I, a single mother, do without it?

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October 30, 2007 at 2:07 pm by Anonymous

I remember interviewing for a job at a law firm once. Everything was going well. They liked my experience and education. Our personalities were gelling. Everyone I had spoken with was upbeat, positive, and personable.

Then, I met with the last interviewer, the most senior person in the group. He said the firm expected a long-term commitment in return for all the training and investment in new people. I pointed to my track record of long tenures at past jobs as evidence I was capable of such commitment.

He then leaned in and said, “Good. People enjoy their work here. No slackers.” Then he added with a sneer, “No ‘family time.’” My wedding ring was clearly visible all day, so I assumed he could tell I was married.

I was incredulous for a moment. Did he just equate family time with slacking off? I ventured a clarifying comment, “I’m sure I can commit to the firm and any personal needs, which might include family duties.”

He frowned and shook his head, so I continued, “After all, even people who choose to never marry must keep themselves at their professional best by attending to personal needs. Would you agree?”

But it was too late, the buzzword was “family time,” and upon hearing it, I didn’t give the reaction he had hoped for. Nevermind my point about all employees sometimes needing to attend to their non-work obligations. Apparently, single people never need “family time” in his version of reality, and married people frequently do.

The rest of the interview was cordial, but not encouraging. I wound up getting a much better job at another firm, one with values far closer to mine. It was just surprising to discover how distant some other viewpoints can be.

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October 30, 2007 at 2:04 pm by Anonymous

I am blessed. Despite having a five year-old child who has endured eight heart surgeries, I still find myself on the lucky end of American health care because I am not, *yet*, financially destitute and out of all options for my son’s medical needs. Every day I think of mothers raising children with progressive illnesses or congenital defects who do so with considerably less financial resources, social and familial support, education about their child’s condition, how insurance does and does not work (or even access to adequate health care coverage)and so forth.

Henry is about to travel across the country to have another surgery. This was only possible because I dogged doctors, insurance, airlines, social workers and my employers. In turn, these things were only possibly because I am well-educated, have access to above average health care providers and coverage and the know-how for accessing and demanding what my child needs. Yet pediatric crises such as what Henry is facing disproportionately affect those who are younger, poorer and less educated. Nothing would be more frightening to me than to have faced my son’s medical crisis as I see other mothers having to do so — at 19, uninsured, language and comprehension barriers, inadequate family support, trying to navigate a health care system that proves reluctant to provide more targeted and compassionate services for mothers and children living at the intersection of poverty, isolation and a health care crisis.

Erin in Oklahoma City

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November 1, 2007 at 4:55 pm by Anonymous

I started going through my kids candy from Halloween last night and all the soft gummy stuff stated Made in China. I threw it in the garbage. I then started reading the gummy bears, made by Kelloggs, and called them, you guessed it, made with ingredients from China.
I then called about the 3 musketeers bars, you guessed right again, although the candy is distributed in the US, it is made from products worldwide including China.
China has no standards for their foods, so why are they being incorporated into our kids foods and why is no one looking into this?
My daughter just asked me this morning why the companies keep using lead in the toys, when they know how sad it makes the kids to have their toys taken away.
Imagine her sadness when I tell her that she can no longer eat her Halloween candy!!!!
Talk about stress on Americans , what is safe any-
more?

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November 1, 2007 at 3:59 pm by Anonymous

You may find this latest news uplifting:
http://www6.comcast.net/news/articles/national/2007/11/01/Marshall.Pagans/

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October 30, 2007 at 2:24 pm by Anonymous

I am a mother of 5 that home schools and works at home. Do you want to know what I think is scary to me? Besides never being able to use the school I pay taxes for because they can force drug children via CPS because a TEACHER thinks they may have ADD. That my children have no privacy and can expect strip searches and drug tests which I wouldn’t even do to my kids in such harsh manners, if they were to go to school. That I can’t send my kids to school because the school has Christmas break and my kids have Yule. That I can’t send my kids to school because teachers feel like they are the parents now. That I can’t send my kids to school because they WON’T say under God no matter what and I really don’t need a teacher calling me every five minutes about my “problem” child because she is “different”. That school is no longer about education anyway so it is a waste of my children’s lives to send them there and a waste of my tax money to pay for it. Ask any parent about home schooling and the first words out of their mouth are “Well, won’t they have problems socializing?” Last time I checked, socializing was for AFTER school which my children do just fine in. People think school is about “socializing” children…making them “the same” so they have “shared experiences”. That is NOT how I want my kids to be…it’s so sad people don’t put education BACK in the school house and leave the socialization for after homework.

That I have to pay for school taxes and then pay for ALL of their education costs without any tax breaks. That I have to pay self employment tax when I make less than 6 thousand a year for 7 people. That my children are being thieved from by the government when I have to pay sales tax on their education supplies, but then people look down on us for having food stamps or SCHIP insurance. That people think it’s shameful and wrong to be poor, but scold any mother for working 60 hour weeks as “not being there.” That the government social workers CAN come take my children away for “neglect” with out a shred of evidence and I can’t even get a trial if I work to many hours or am too poor. That the system is rigged.

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October 30, 2007 at 11:55 pm by Anonymous

What is really scary is that I am a single mother that is raising a one year old daughter, going to school full time and working part time. That saddest part is that at my job, and at most jobs you can’t get health benefits while working part time!!! I can’t believe that their is no option!I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have access to healthcare, fortunately we do, but I am so lucky in my situation. They say that anyone can go to school here, but it isn’t the truth, because if it was then we should have healthcare available to our children!
Also what is scary is that since I live with my parents I get no help from WIC or from welfare. When my daughter was first born they told me that my parents made too much money and I told them that I wanted to get out on my own, well they told me that there was no way I could do it unless I temporarily became homeless!! That is ridculous, a young girl should be able to raise her family, not have to live on the streets to get any help!!!

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October 30, 2007 at 11:58 pm by Anonymous

This is quite scary, being a single mother and going to school full time to get my bachelors, its practically impossible. I have to get out a ridiculous amount of student loans, that are thank god unsubsidized, so I don’t have to pay any interest until I graduate, but if I didn’t have access to free childcare at night from my mother, and support from my other friends, there is no way financially or emotionally that I would be able to go to school full time and work part time.

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October 30, 2007 at 11:42 pm by Anonymous

The preschool associated with the university is incredibly expensive. Fantastically wonderful, but expensive. We are on the extensive waiting list. There is no favoritism extended to students, and no discount. The allowable budget for child care in my student loans (LOANS! That I have to pay back with interest) only covers half of the cost of their tuition, which is more than $12,000 a year for a three year old. This doesn’t even take into consideration the after care prices for my older son at his public school.

I hate complaining about this, because I know there are moms in worse conditions than this who don’t have the job security I am looking forward to, but I don’t see how I could make this work without the income of my husband, measly as his teaching salary is, and the support of our families. We may have to sell our house.

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October 30, 2007 at 11:58 pm by Anonymous

My husband and I worked hard in college. We have always each had a job, and we’ve sometimes had two. I even went on to get a Master’s degree in education. Here we are, ten years after we first met, and it just isn’t getting easier. We’re both teachers, and we still can’t afford to buy a house…or a new car…let alone any of the little splurges we’d imagined years ago when we were sweating our way through the hoops. Heck, I can’t even make our grocery money last through the month, despite all the creative budgeting I can think of. We’re trying so hard not to slip into any debt greater than our college loans, but it’s so hard. Two professionals just don’t make enough to make ends meet with two kids. That’s pretty scary, all right, when we realize that there really isn’t an end in sight anytime soon…the financial troubles wear on. We’re exhausted.

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October 30, 2007 at 11:39 pm by Anonymous

I live in Colorado with my husband and young son. Both my husband and I are in college and work part-time. Because our income is so low, our son is eligible for Medicaid. I have called his doctors office every week for a month but because he has Medicaid for insurance, we have to wait until the state ships the doctor’s office the vaccine. When I have asked if I can just pay the $25 for the vaccine they say that Medicaid has said they will take coverage away from anyone who does this!!!
Other locations that I have contacted say they can not give shots to children under 9, and younger than that must recieve the shot at their doctor’s office!
Aside from every other concern a mother has, the idea that your child is truly being treated like they don’t matter is frightening!

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November 1, 2007 at 12:21 pm by Anonymous

Keep looking, I had to look and look but did find a day care that would lower rates for half day. Can you do a split week instead of a half day a work. Work M.W. F. or T. Th. it will cut cost greatly. I’m at a home daycare and love it but I am relocating. I found a lot of church daycare centers are more willing to work with you. Have differnt rates for differnt times there. Stay away from day care centers they charge an arm and leg. Good luck

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October 30, 2007 at 4:25 pm by Anonymous

I’m an educated professional (master’s degree plus 6 years experience) who, after relocating to Atlanta to follow my husband’s job, found out I was expecting a baby. When I interviewed for jobs, I told some employers I was pregnant; others I did not. The ones I told never called back. The ones I didn’t gave me job offers (two concrete offers in one week), but when I inquired about their maternity leave policies, they told me they didn’t have any. Further, they made it very clear they were angry with me and that they would not be supportive of my growing family. One of the offers I voluntary declined, and the other was withdrawn.

I worked two temporary jobs while pregnant, stayed home for six months with my baby, and am now again interviewing for jobs. I am being told that my resume gap – an involuntary gap of one year – is a strike against me in the job market.

Does becoming pregnant in America disqualify me from gainful employment? Am I any less of a capable professional now than I was before having my baby? When did having a baby become a black mark on a resume, anyway? Finding a fulfilling position is a scary prospect for me and my family this Halloween.

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October 30, 2007 at 2:12 pm by Anonymous

I wanted to be home with my children, but at the same time I felt like I had more to offer the world. After long discussions with my fellow moms I decided that there had to be a way where moms could stay at home (if they wanted to) and still have a heel in the workforce. I couldn’t find what I was looking for so I decided to create it….I came up with the idea last February and the site went live in September. Beyondmotherhood.com is a niche job board that connects employers with the “untapped” workforce, stay at home moms. There are thousands of educated and experienced moms nationwide looking for flexible/part-time opportunities, and beyondmotherhood.com wants to help connect them with employers. Some moms just want to get out of the house a few day a week and earn a little extra money…while others are looking for at stepping stone to a full time position in the future. We want to help ALL moms, with ALL skillsets..whether they want to work from home or on-site at the employer.

I know it is only a small step…but I hope it helps some women find the balance they are looking for…the more moms we get on board the more employers will post…the more families will benefit.

Cheers to all momsrising!
Shannon Davis
http://www.beyondmotherhood.com

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October 30, 2007 at 2:22 pm by Anonymous

As a momma, I have far too many scary stories about my family barely juggling ensuring proper health care and child care for our three-year old daughter, let alone keeping her safe from toxins in our home. But, one of the scariest stories of all comes from my good buddy, another mom of a three year old.
She and her husband are professionals, and make a fairly good living. However, they cannot afford health insurance, and both work as contract employees (so, no work benefits). They want to have another child badly. But guess what? They make too much to qualify for state assistance, too little to pay for health insurance. Where does that leave them? They cannot have another child because they can’t afford the hospital costs associated with labor and delivery.
What kind of country creates a horrific situation like this? A country that values corporate profit over the basic and most simple desires of a family: to have a child.

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October 31, 2007 at 12:12 am by Anonymous

After five years in a supposedly GREAT school in the best urban school district in the country, my youngest daughter (kindergarten) was “felt up” by another four year old and the idiotic principal won’t expel the kid! because he’s too young to know… It isn’t even the first time he’s done such a thing. So much for a zero tolerance policy for sexual harrasment.
I’m stuck with this school because it has the afterschool daycare program that I need to keep my job. I have to choose between my daughters emotional and physical security and money to feed her. Just great!

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October 31, 2007 at 12:48 am by Anonymous

This isn’t my story, but I’ve heard about it. You can find out more at http://www.thecowgoddess.com/?p=770

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October 31, 2007 at 1:31 am by Anonymous

Have any of you actually lost everything and had to leave the country?

We (my husband(canadian), 3 year old, 1 year old and myself(UScitizen with military parents) left the United States (as they dare call themselves) before Bush self elected himself for president the second time. We have been living in exile from the Unites States for over 3 years because we could not survive there any more…partly because of 9-11 and the changes of immigration for my partner and an inability to get his work papers, partly because we were politically aware and active within artists circles and projects to express our views and partly because we were done, felt like there was a crash coming and we were going to leave anyway if Bush self-elected himself again.

We shoved what we could fit into a trailer and headed not to Canada where we feared the same political issues would arise as those in the USAmerica but to Mexico – the place the United States looks to as a study for public manipulation and the abolition of the middle class.

It has been intense. None of us spoke a word of Spanish as we headed over the border but now, three years later we are living on just over $1300 a month. Our rent is $150 but it’s what they call rustic. Rough cement floors but we moved from Brooklyn NY where we had converted Lofts into beautiful live work spaces.

Thanks to an artistic background we transition fairly well but can’t say it is easy. My oldest now 7 – remembers what it was to live in the US and we all struggle with the what if’s and whys. I gave 30 years of my life to a country that basically spit in my face and the face of my children born there. My parents were both medical staff in vietnam, i have that all american girl look – ya know – it is not a racial thing…

It’s a reality thing.

It’s a turn off your T.V. thing…put it away for a month as if it broke because then you will find reality.

Don’t drink any tap water for a month and try to stop the baby from drinking it too (During bath time)

How about if that non-potable water only flows Monday Wednesday and Friday?

All of your drinking water is delivered by truck and you pay out of your pocket for it. No, drinking water isn’t free even if you live on the river it flows from.

Then Get This!!!

After birthing our second child (ilegally at home in upstate NY where homebirths are ilegal!!!! What is that about? Since when does the gov’t decide where we can and cannot birth our babies?) We had the birth of our third child in an adobe hut with the only midwife in the area. And after that world changing experience we find out that here, your country of birth is based on what immunizations you get not the soil where the blood was spilt.

That’s right we have a 1 year old with no papers. They want to inject him with vaccines that are illegal in the US. But what happens when farmaceutical companies can’t sell their drugs to US citiscens? They send them to Mexico and who knows where else!!

Maybe you’re not so bad off?

Maybe this is where things are headed?

Fight Fight change change!!!!

love
family in exile!!

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October 30, 2007 at 1:29 pm by Anonymous

Hi all, yesterday my 2 year old son was sick when we woke up, so I took him to the doctors in the morning at 8 am. I left a message for my boss explaining the situation and telling her I’d be in a little late. When I came in later she became very upset and said, “I run a business here not a daycare!” I was shocked, not only because she could talk to me like that, but because when she hired me she knew my situation with a small child and she was a single mother to boy who is now a grown man. She must have forgotten what it’s like to be a working mother, that’s scary!

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October 30, 2007 at 1:29 pm by Anonymous

…when my son was born, and move back to my home state, because daycare in my city was out of reach. And I loved that job, and I haven’t found one nearly as good here. But my family is close, and they are my backup.

The very day I’m writing this, I’m losing a day of pay because my son has the flu and is too contagious to go to daycare. Tomorrow, my husband will be the one to stay home, and lose a day of pay too. We’ve both just started our jobs and haven’t had time to accumulate any time off.

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October 30, 2007 at 1:29 pm by Anonymous

I’m a hard-working middle class American. I have a full-time job. In fact the longest I have ever not been employed was 2 months when I moved from one city to another in my early twenties. As a bonus, I have a college degree and am employed in my field. I’m even married to a man who has almost a similar background as I do in steady, responsible employment. We have a beautiful daughter, own a home and have a dog. Kind of sounds like we’re living the American dream, doesn’t it? Except that our three-year-old does not have health insurance.

Why? Are we irresponsible parents? Have we been neglectful?

Bear with me here, there’s a lot of numbers ahead. My husband’s job does not offer health insurance. Mine does, but the least expensive option with the smallest network has a premium of $554/month with a $5000 deductible. This is their family option—they don’t have a plus one option where I could simply add our daughter and eliminate coverage for my husband. Hmmm…..we could sell the car and have enough for a year of premiums, but then I couldn’t get to work, so we’d lose the health care anyway. This “family” option offered by my employer expects me to use 1/3 of my monthly income towards health insurance premiums. We’re already eating mac-n-cheese three times a week.

But we have more options than most Americans—we’re lucky. If, God forbid, something terrible does happen to our daughter and we needed to pay high medical bills, we could hock my engagement ring, sell the house and move in with compassionate relatives. When I remind my daughter to eat her vegetable, I also remind my husband to eat his. We can’t have him getting sick. He doesn’t have health insurance either and we need his income, which is $5000 more a year than mine. Without it we couldn’t pay the heat and electric bills. This isn’t optional, we live in Minnesota.

As far as Minnesota goes, we have one of the best state health insurance coverage in the country. Along with the rest of my Minnesota neighbors, we taxpayers help to provide really good state-run coverage through private health insurers for people who can’t afford private coverage. I’ve applied for our family and if we squeak under the income brackets, we’ll have health insurance for a year. But the wait is long and I’ve been told that Minnesota is penalized by the Federal Government for providing more health insurance options than other states. I fear that this presidential veto will really dim our options for getting in under that income bracket.

At this point, you might have zoned out over my tedious calculations—I empathize, I get a headache trying to figure it all out too. But I need to mention one more option available to my family – privately purchased health insurance. There’s a puzzling amount of options out there, but choosing a policy where we would still get to buy Christmas presents this year would involve a big gamble. Premiums would be $200/ month for our daughter, with a yearly check-up and vaccinations included. Then, we cross our fingers that she doesn’t actually get sick, because we’ll have to lay out $7000 before the private insurance decides they’ll even look at the medical bills, let alone pay for them.

Maybe this year, my husband or I will have found a job that offers better health insurance. Trust me, we’re trying. But until that happens, we worry. One year of no insurance for a child is a long year of worry. But that’s exactly what Bush and those who support his veto are asking American parents to do by refusing to renew the funding for insuring low-income children. These children will have to go one year without health insurance before they’ll be eligible for federal programs. I don’t expect President Bush to understand this, how often does he have to ask the question, “Can I afford this?”

But maybe I’m not giving him enough credit—maybe he does understand the plight of someone in different circumstances than himself. Even though I’m not them, I’m thinking about the 50% of Americans who make less than our dual income family. How are they doing? Do they even have the energy to write a letter asking why their children don’t deserve to be healthy? Do they have access to a computer?

The other night, at 3am, my daughter woke up unable to breathe. Her tummy was pulling in trying to send oxygen to her lungs and a funny crackling sound was going on in her throat. When this happened a year ago, we were told she might have asthma and they sent us home with a nebulizer and some Ubuterol (medicine), just in case. A year had gone by with no such episodes and the nebulizer sat on the shelf. This time, we were relieved that there was medicine left over from her previous hospitalization. Without looking at the expiration date because, well, we had no choice but to try it before taking her to the emergency room, we gave her the nebulizer treatment. It worked! She breathed easier and was able to fall back to sleep.

The following morning, as we watched her every movement, we worried. We have enough medicine for 5 more such episodes. We cross our fingers and hope (especially in this market) we won’t have to sell the house this time.

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October 30, 2007 at 1:31 pm by Anonymous

When my husband and I accepted jobs in a new city halfway across the country this summer, we were concerned about finding daycare for our then 8-month-old son. When putting our name on waiting lists didn’t look like it was going to pay off, my husband invited his parents to come from Brazil and take care of our baby for three months. We continued the waiting list game until we were able to get our son in a place that seemed reasonable. But when we visited it, we were dismayed – large numbers of babies with few caregivers, children sitting on the floor crying while their needs were being ignored. We went back to one of the daycares that had had our name on the list for 5 months and twisted arms to let our son be in a class with slightly older babies, where it looked like he would receive more attentive care.

What about parents that can’t afford to bring relatives to help out? What about babies that don’t make the waiting list at the best daycares? In general caregivers earn a miserable salary, and children are not served by the low morale and frequent turnover in many daycare facilities. Should I sacrifice my career and my future security and earning potential because I’m unable to find reasonable care for my son? These are issues that politicians and legislatures need to address.

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October 30, 2007 at 1:32 pm by Anonymous

The corporate chains have got the lip-service down, providing “family friendly” atmospheres in restaurants and malls with changing tables in the rest rooms and the like. But what’s scary is the lack of any real heart behind it. Whenever I see that little Koala bear I can hear a coporate voice in the back of my head echo the sentiments of Bob Keeshan; “That oughta hold the little bastards for a while.”
More and more I am hearing an unnerving sentiment in this country: keep your kid out of my world. There’s a doomsday malaise that, in many, seems to be transforming into a manic wish for one last hurrah. We talk about global warming, yet Hummers are all the rage. We lament over future generations being ready for a “global marketplace,” yet education is our bottom priority.
What scares me most of all is that, as deeply and powerfully as I love my son, I know the rest of the world does not.

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October 30, 2007 at 1:33 pm by Anonymous

There are so many frightening aspects of parenting, but here are the primary ones:

1) Our childcare bill is $1300 a month for 40 hours of care per week. We do live in NYC, but that is still expensive.

2) Every day, I read about pesticides in food, lead poison in toys, and dangerous plastics in my son’s sippy cup. When will children’s saftey become a priority?

3) Our family is fortunate to have medical insurance, but I am still concerned about the many children who are not covered and the fact that our elected politicians don’t seem to care.

4) My husband and I both have family-friendly workplaces, but this is quite rare in our society. Every employer’s priority should be to support working mothers AND working fathers. Isn’t this what it really means to have “family values”?

5) I am concerned that fathers are not more involved with the care of their children. In most two parent families, parenting is still considered the task of the mother. The new glass ceiling is in the home. Let’s support fathers in becoming equal parents.

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October 30, 2007 at 2:33 pm by Anonymous

We live in NYC too and struggle with the same issues. Our childcare bill is more expensive though because our son goes to preschool AND we have a PT nanny to cover the hours he is not in school. I echo the most with point #5 – I wish I could have my husband truly share the parenting task. His lack of doing so is a primarily because of not being able to (because he is the primary breadwinner and has to work long hours to make the salary he does) but I do believe that unwillingness to do so and not being expected to (by society and culture) has a part to play.

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October 30, 2007 at 2:18 pm by Anonymous

Full time job plus single parenting = no way! It is craziness from sun-up to sun-down. Before remarrying, I would often lay down on the couch with a book after putting my son to bed and fall asleep myself. My whole existence was wake up, get my child to a facility (who says it is ok for kids to be warehoused 45 hours a week?!), go to work, pick up my son, feed him dinner, go to bed, do it again the next day, day after day, week after week, year after year. Our country needs to have not only a safety net for single parents, but economics that allow an adult to make enough money to support a family so the other adult can take care of the kids! If this was the case, single mothers would be able to afford to work half time, and be able to feel like a human being. Our society’s acceptance of the fact that kids just have to spend the day at daycare starting at an extremely early age is wrong! The other crushing reality is that I can’t even use network tv to provide a half hour break, because my child will be exposed to violent (and just plain crappy) programming, and commercials to make sure they become lifelong comsumers of useless stuff, guaranteeing they get to hop onto our economic treadmill the way we have. Who thinks this is ok!

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November 2, 2007 at 11:47 am by Anonymous

I live in a big city (Phoenix) and although I am not a big-city person, I appreciate that we have a lot of choices when it comes to schools. Public schools, free charter schools, magnet schools, private schools.

In the dozen or so schools that I have looked at for my kids who will be going into kindergarten and first grade next year, the teacher to student ratio is, at best, one teacher to eighteen students. As the kids get older, this number increases to one teacher per 25 to 30 kids or more in some cases.

Am I the only one who thinks this is *insane*? How many of us feel overwhelmed caring for and educating one, two, or three children? Can you imagine being responsible for THIRTY?

Is it any wonder that most of us have horror stories from our schooling about bullying and nastiness that escaped the notice of our teachers? How much more vivid are the memories of those traumas than the memories of learning and discovery and healthy friendships?

And what else can we expect when big groups of children are socializing each other in an environment where the competitive principle reigns, and compassion and empathy can be social suicide, and social suicide can threaten a student’s success in school and even their physical safety?

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November 2, 2007 at 12:42 am by Anonymous

If you and your husband are barely making ends meet, then why do you work? Take time off to be with your children…they will only be this age for so long. Just think about how much you’re missing by working.

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October 30, 2007 at 11:16 pm by Anonymous

What is scary to me is that no one pays me to be a good mother, but we all end up paying for the results of bad and/or unsupported parenting.

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October 30, 2007 at 2:01 pm by Anonymous

I took my son to the emergency room because he’d been throwing up for a day and a half and couldn’t keep juice down. I waited for hours and amazingly enough he stopped throwing up, managed to keep down some juice and fell asleep in my arms. I decided that since he was doing better I wouldn’t keep him in the emergency room any longer than necessary and went through the process to check out. This is what makes me want to scream. We left without seeing a doctor, but we still have to pay $150 for the physicians time to the hospital. Our insurance won’t cover it and I don’t blame them. However, that means that I have to pay it out of pocket.

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November 1, 2007 at 2:22 pm by Anonymous

The thing that wakes me up at night is that I believe that my country’s foreign policy is breeding ill will around the world. I am terrified that our current comfortable way of life will become ravaged by violence during my daughter’s lifetime. I desperately want to do something about it, but I feel helpless when it comes to helping shape the politics in my own democracy.

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October 30, 2007 at 4:50 pm by Anonymous

I am a hard working middle class woman who has raised a son on her own. Although I was unable to collect child support, I managed to provide my son with everything he needed, including a private high school education to remediate a learning disability, when it was clear the public school system was failing him miserably. He’s since gone to college and is now working. So you think my story is over? No it is not.

In order to do those things for my son, I had to remortgage my home several times. Now I am in my late 40′s, and I just brought my mom to live with me. My mortgage is so high that I am losing sleep wondering how I am going to hold this all together.

So what is my point? If I had been able to take, as a tax deduction, the amount of money I had been awarded in child support but was unable to collect, I might not be in this position. Sometimes it takes years for an issue like this to really rear its ugly head. But now that I am in this place, I find there is no way out. My mortgage payment is $3500 a month. And I live in a very modest home, in a very modest area. That mortgage represents over $60K in high school tuition, another 40K in college tuition, throw in a few grand for braces, etc.

I am blessed that I do have a son that is well on his way to a good future — no thanks to his father or our system.

But here I am, having worked 28 years paying taxes and social security and everything else but with very little to show for it and absolutely no way to retire with 18 years left on my mortgage – in a house I’ve already lived in for 12 years. And I don’t think I am alone in this situation.

I belive that the law should enable a custodial parent to deduct from income the child support they are unable to collect.

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November 1, 2007 at 5:21 pm by Anonymous

I’m a single mom supporting my son on a single income. I have not only been treated like a second class citizen by the religious college I work at not because I do my job poorly but because I decided to become single mom “Yes I had sex out of wed lock”. I was told this by the principle wife:) The most recent fun I’ve had while negotiating a salary increase instead of an increase I was offered affordable housing (the area I work in is very high rent). I gave up my apartment (which was a good deal for the area) and not only three weeks after I moved into the provided apartment I was told to move out. Moving out means not only not having a home but giving up my job because just like everyone else Day Care is so expensive and I don’t make enough to actually support my son and I.
So here I am again being treated like a second class citizen by this wonderful not for profit Christian Organization that I’m sure most of you have donated money two at one time or another.
I have excellent reviews and experience in middle management but have not been able to find a job because no one wants to hire a single mom and being a single mom I can’t just work any hours any time. My schedule has to work around my son’s child care.
So yes this is a very scary story when you don’t know if one moment you have a home and job or you don’t.

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October 30, 2007 at 4:29 pm by Anonymous

Hello!
I’m am a single mother of a beautiful 16 month old boy. I got laid off while on maternity leave and had to move from Los Angeles back to Minnesota to live with my parents until we could get back on our feet. the company i am with does not provide health benefits for my son, only me. Along with that, high cost of child care, we are struggling as my son’s father does not provide child support, which we are working on, but it takes a very long time. I was denied medical assistance for both my son and i due to the fact that i “made too much money” the year prior… the system does not seem to work properly for those who are honestly trying to make a living and provide for their children and not live off the system! I am praying that things turn around quickly! Keep going everyone!

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October 30, 2007 at 11:19 pm by Anonymous

When I took maternity leave to give birth to my daughter I was employed by a small but lucrative business who did not offer paid leave for this purpose (98% operated and 100% owned by men). As a single woman I struggled to maintain my household during the four weeks with no income.

On the day before I was preparing to return to work I got a phone call that I had been laid off due to company financial strains.

So, here I was a new mom with 2 children and no income for a month and no job. I applied for unemployment compensation and there was a 2 month delay because my “exit” date was 4 weeks later than my “last date of work” because of the materinty leave.

I ended up homeless, sleeping in my car with a newborn and a kindergarten aged child. This was a life changing event and I never thought I would ever be homeless. I’ve worked all my life. It can happen in the blink of an eye, and there you are, facing the terror.

Needless to say, with post-partum depression already knocking on my busy door, this was the straw that broke the camels back. This caused long-term mental health problems for me in post traumatic stress and agoraphobia.

While I am able to work successfully from my home today, almost 14 years later, my life has never been the same.

It can happen to you.

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